Author Topic: Working single parents w/young children  (Read 3889 times)

Mel4072

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Re: Working single parents w/young children
« Reply #15 on: May 19, 2015, 05:14:58 PM »
Feeling guilty is a part of parenting. It just goes along with it. Dads seem to deal with it much better than moms. Not sure why... In the end, we do the best we can for our kids and that means taking care of ourselves first, sometimes.
I am currently back in school. I have a masters degree but want a promotion so that I can offer a better life for myself. Some guilt but I'm sure my kid will be ok. She will be grown and gone in 2 years and it will be me. I hope I can land the dream job! It's a tough balance but I have a feeling my late husband is very proud of me! I'm doing it!

SunshineFL

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Re: Working single parents w/young children
« Reply #16 on: January 12, 2018, 03:28:42 PM »
I subscribe to the "Tiny Buddha" newsletter and this article came in the email newsletter today.  It's title: "The Betrayal of Expectations - Coping When Life Doesn't Go as Planned" didn't initially make me think "widowed story" ... but not too many sentences in and I knew what was coming.

I'm going to post the link here under this "working single parents w/ young children" thread because the reflection essay is very relevant for those who have been widowed quite young left to raise very young children, but the themes are universal for us all:

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-betrayal-of-expectations-coping-when-life-doesnt-go-to-plan/

If the thoughts expressed help anyone to feel less alone and give perspective and a life line of light ahead, that is helpful, I hope.

Warm wishes, friends.

Captains wife

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Re: Working single parents w/young children
« Reply #17 on: January 24, 2018, 11:33:50 AM »
Im late in the game in replying to this but this is a big issue since being widowed. I was the main breadwinner before my husband died and I have to work full time to support my son and I now. I cant financially afford part time. For some reason, I've been thinking about this topic more and more recently as my 6 year old sees all the other mums (and dads) in town picking up their kids while my nanny picks up my son most days and take him to swimming, cub scouts etc while I work (and my commute is 1.5 hrs). A lot of kids think his nanny is his mom! He keeps asking why Im not home more (and I explain it to him, or at least try in children's terms).

I understand the guilt but I refuse feeling guilty anymore. I feel bad of course my son wants me home more but I love my career, worked hard on it and I have been and am the breadwinner (and Im proud of that). I think this is a good role model for him. I also want us to maintain a good lifestyle so we can experience trips, good schools etc.

Maybe making subtle changes is the answer - having multiple young children is really tough when working full time. But also remember they are going to school soon ! It sounds as though you have family nearby so can they help with childcare? I feel if they are with family, its just like being with you. Hopefully there is also flexibility in your work schedule (maybe a 5 day work week, then 3 days etc) ?? I went to a 4 day workweek and try and work at home one day a week so I can see my son more. I also have good quality time with my son so I focus on that time - its not just the number of hours but how those hours are spent. We do fun things at home, take fun trips, take roadtrips....

I hope katelsam that all is going well for you - and best wishes with whatever path you took.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2018, 08:31:15 AM by Captains wife »

tybec

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Re: Working single parents w/young children
« Reply #18 on: January 26, 2018, 01:54:41 AM »
I think as a mother you just struggle with guilt with the working issue.  No matter which way you go, there is some guilt.  I don't believe men have to think much about this at all as their role is typically the provider.  They work. and that is it.

I left my career of 19 yrs. and worked part time and still do.  I can, and I couldn't do the full time job out of town and be on call and take care of my elderly mother and my son. Well, my mother died in Nov. and my son is a teen and I am struggling about only working part time.  I can, but feel guilty about that.  I can work more so shouldn't I?  There is the word, SHOULD. 

SAH moms feel guilty sometimes because they feel they should contribute more.  WE beat ourselves up a lot, MOMs.  The great debate about work and rearing kids.

I truly believe each mom has to find their path.  Some can afford to not work, work part time and some cannot. Some want the career and to use their gifts that way, and some moms like to be at home, be the PTA mother, etc. 

Find your path, TRY to let MIL's opinion pass, as she is not in your shoes and your kids will do okay, regardless.  Also, WE know here it is all temporary. If it isn't working, regroup and change plans.  Not set in stone.  I just came to that conclusion recently, and it is freeing.  I have that luxury right now.  I hope I maintain it. 

Portside

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Re: Working single parents w/young children
« Reply #19 on: January 26, 2018, 07:17:48 AM »
I think as a mother you just struggle with guilt with the working issue.  No matter which way you go, there is some guilt.  I don't believe men have to think much about this at all as their role is typically the provider.  They work. and that is it.


Oh I wish.

Uh folks, please don't forget widowers are also now suddenly totally responsible for work, home management and child rearing all by themselves too.

Guilt, fatigue, second guessing, dealing with day care implosions, etc. isn't just the realm of moms. We all have our struggles.

Best wishes- Mike

p. s. - for those that knew Kate, I'm still in contact with her. She has finished college, has a job she loves and is raising her children to be fine, happy little people. All with a beautiful smile and a positive outlook.
The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped. (Proverbs 11:25)

tybec

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Re: Working single parents w/young children
« Reply #20 on: January 26, 2018, 07:30:19 AM »
Yes, Portside.  A father being thrown into the only parent role has to be difficult.  No doubt about it.

But moms have always struggled with working or not working and now being the only parent adds.  Just is.  Probably not a lot of books written for dads on the choice to stay at home or not.  Or tv segments on balancing home and work and kids for dads. 

But Yes, all of this is difficult.  Not intended to get into a debate about sexism. 

Hoping to help the poster of the topic, Katelsam,

soloact

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Re: Working single parents w/young children
« Reply #21 on: January 26, 2018, 09:10:20 PM »


Best wishes- Mike

p. s. - for those that knew Kate, I'm still in contact with her. She has finished college, has a job she loves and is raising her children to be fine, happy little people. All with a beautiful smile and a positive outlook.

Hi Mike,

Please tell Kate hello from me. She may not know or remember me. I was always impressed with her can do attitude. I remember her early posts. My heart went out to her. A young widow with two little ones and one on the way.

She handled spousal loss early on better than I do now. I wish her and her children every happiness.