Author Topic: Cruel mind game I played on myself  (Read 1042 times)

Abitlost

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Cruel mind game I played on myself
« on: December 07, 2015, 05:15:11 PM »
As the reports came in about Jimmy Carter's tumors being gone, for a nanosecond my heart fluttered with excitement as my subconscious was eager to share news of this new drug treatment with DH, thinking there's hope! we'll try this drug! if 90-year old Jimmye Carter can beat cancer so can DH! ...until I remembered he was dead. Almost seven years out, I still forget that harsh reality.

abl

TooSoon

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Re: Cruel mind game I played on myself
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2015, 05:18:41 PM »
((Hugs, abl.))  My husband was convinced he was going to be the one person who beat GBM.  He held onto that like a life raft and believed it with every fiber of his being.  The more demented he became, the more he believed in it.  It absolutely broke my heart.  Sending lots of love.

Abitlost

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Re: Cruel mind game I played on myself
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2015, 08:12:09 PM »
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« Last Edit: December 20, 2015, 07:34:56 PM by Abitlost »

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Cruel mind game I played on myself
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2015, 10:46:53 PM »
Feels so unfair doesn't it. Fucking cancer.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

SailorGirl

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Re: Cruel mind game I played on myself
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2015, 09:25:18 PM »
I thought to myself that maybe if DH was a former president, they may have been able to save him too.  I hate cancer.

Torn

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Re: Cruel mind game I played on myself
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2015, 01:33:55 PM »
  The hope and love we all feel for our spouse's is natural...but Lord knows it's painful.
  I'm really sick and need skull/brain surgery, I thought Finally I'd get the chance to have the surgery done & suddenly felt the need to call my Wife with the good news...1.6 years from her passing.

  Bless you all, there's nothing I've experienced worse than loosing her suddenly.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Oscar Levant

Blue14

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Re: Cruel mind game I played on myself
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2015, 07:59:49 PM »
I am thrilled for Jimmy Carter and his family. And I've also been bracing myself for the "inspirational" memes and other things talking about how it was his positive attitude that saved him (with their underlying accusation that if those who didn't beat cancer had had a more positive attitude they would have lived). Bob couldn't have fought harder or had a more positive attitude and it was not his fault that the cancer beat him.