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Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread

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canadiangirl:
I am not sure if "Social Encounters" is the right place for this thread, but I have been reading with empathy the threads on recoupling and the thoughts expressed by those who have found or seek another, who do not feel like life will be complete without a partner.  While I understand and honour these feelings, I don't have these thoughts, and was wondering if there is anyone else on the boards who feels the same way.

Of course things may change, but I am not dating and have no desire to date.  I am two years out.  I am in no shape to recouple but I also have zero interest in doing so, and this may last my entire life.  I am okay with this. 

I met my DH in my mid-30s after a long dating history.  I have always done my own finances, been responsible for running the apartment or house alone, had evenings to myself, pursued a number of interests, etc.  I became used to being alone, doing things alone or with friends (theatre, restaurants, cinema, travel all good).  This is good, because the city I live in has a ratio of 7 to 1 eligible women to men.  I am happy to answer only to my child and myself, and I don't wish to share decision-making about my child with anyone.  My DH was a good man, the real man that I had been seeking, and I felt I won the lottery when I met him.  Statistically I am skeptical it will happen again, especially as I am older now.

Not long ago, I met the mother of my highschool sweetheart in the airport. She was widowed in her 40s, left with 4 children, the youngest of whom later died in a car accident (not my ex BF).  I think of this mom often. When I saw her and introduced her to my child and told her about my widowed status, she said, "I never met anyone else.  But I have been happy."  Happy -that's saying a lot, especially with her double loss.  I felt like I was seeing the future.

Anyone else doing okay alone and not seeking another?  To be clear, I am not looking for analysis of my life as I have put it here, just reaching out to those who may have similar feelings post-loss. 

TalksToAngels:
Very similar situation. I am a bit further out and have felt the same. I had what I considered a great life, and found it compromised by people expecting me to recoupe, etc. I know pretty much I am self sufficient now. Learned a lot of lessons, and how to take care of myself. Very pertinent topic.

donswife:
I am a little over a year from when My don died
for now I cannot picture myself with anyone else
My don would work some overnights so I was used to doing lots of things on my own
and had friends that I would do things with etc
I am prepared to be single and right now have no need to be out looking for someone
a fellow widower noticed I still have my wedding ring on (and dons on my necklace)
so until I feel I am no longer married to him I can't even think of anyone else
like you I feel like I won the lottery when I met don and chances of doing that again are slim
I appreciate you posting this as I am glad to see its OK to not be recoupled or even wanted to be

Mac:
I was married for 27-1/2 years. I have been widowed for 3-1/2 years. At first I was more interested in dating and potentially remarrying.  Things did go well. It has been easy to meet women. People have introduced me to their friends, I?ve met women through social interaction and I have done online dating. Dating is so much easier compared to when I was a young man. I did enjoy the fact that so many women were interested in me. But as this ?journey? has progressed I have adjusted more to my ?new life.?

Early on, a couple of people said to me: ?So many men remarry in the first couple of years, but we don?t see you doing that. You and Cindy were such a great couple but you were both so independent.? There is much truth to that.

I did so much by myself when I was a child and when I was a young man. Exotic adventures done alone by choice. I miss Cindy so much, but with time I have adjusted to my new life. I don?t ever feel lonely or alone anymore. I do enjoy my time spent alone.

I am in a relationship with an amazing woman. Sometimes it might be two or more weeks until we see each other. I am open to being in a long-term committed relationship. I am also quite content to be by myself. I?ll see what the future holds. I am optimistic and do trust in it.

soloact:

--- Quote from: canadiangirl on December 20, 2015, 12:32:02 PM ---
Anyone else doing okay alone and not seeking another?  To be clear, I am not looking for analysis of my life as I have put it here, just reaching out to those who may have similar feelings post-loss.

--- End quote ---


I feel as you do. No interest at all in a SO. I think it would complicate my life. I miss my husband very much. Nothing more to add.

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