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Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread

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Good for you CG!!!😊..

I had always been independent, living on my own..and didn't marry DH till I was 28. And when married was used to us being apart several days a week.

We all have different histories, experiences that shape how we handle different situations.

And I fell into the mistake of desperately needing someone to complete me after his death.(Something that was out of my usual self..but widowhood and pills can do that) ..And spent 4 years in some real messes.

I have said before my 2.5 years of being completely solo...was one of the best decisions I have made to date. I really healed and got to know myself.

Yes..I am now involved in a long term relationship....but honestly...I kinda like it when he leaves Sunday evening after the weekend. I like my space with my kids. And if it ended tomorrow...yes I would be upset...but I would be "Ok". I have learned to be happy alone. 😊

Glad to see this post.

Great post CG. I too flew solo on and off and then met DH in my early 30's. He did it for me. Head over heals with him. Now I'm not so interested in dating. I'm more interested in finding me as weird as that may sound but that's how I feel.

CG, I didn't meet my husband until my thirties.  I'd lived lives before him and he'd lived lives before me. Reconciling and excising the detritus of those past lives was a big part of the bond we shared.  No gospel says you need a new partner now or ever.  It is your life to live as you wish to live it.  I think we're all pretty well schooled in the "you have to make your own happiness" school of thought.  Yet, stay open to whatever life might bring - "recoupling" isn't the only model for fulfillment, not by a long shot.  xo

Yes! Thank you for posting this!
For many of our married years hubby worked away, usually for two weeks at a time. I had to be independent, didn't have a choice. I loved the time we spent together, but was okay with the time apart too. I think that's why coping with the day to day stuff after he died wasn't all that hard, I was used to it. I was always the single one in high school, while all my friends had boyfriends, I just couldn't imagine anything serious when I was younger and of course the drama that came with teenaged relationships. I knew my dh liked me for several years before we got together I just wasn't ready for a relationship. But when the time came that I was ready it was amazing!
I'm not convinced I will ever experience that again..and I'm okay with that. Even though our time together was cut way too short, I'm grateful for him showing me how to love and be loved. Some people never get to experience that.
I am only a year and five months out, still early in some ways, and although sometimes I feel lonely I know I'm not ready for a relationship, and at this point I really can't see it in my future either. I have been doing a lot of self care and learning to be aware of my self identity, the biggest thing I think I've learned is that in order to be happy I don't need a partner, I just need to take care of myself, and do things that I enjoy doing. I see so many miserable married people and I feel sorry for them, and I see them look at me with pity when I'm doing things by myself,lol.
Yep I'm with you on this one and relieved that I'm not the only one!

Thanks all for the great responses.  The title of the thread was a bit misleading (and possibly offputting, sorry!)- I know very many fellow wids are just fine being alone and are independent, yet still found chapter 2s or seek a life partner.  I didn't mean it in a condescending way, as if to infer that if you are in the latter situation you are somehow not the former. I also validate the pain of those who seek a life partner, because in general I don't believe we are made to be alone. 

But I was and still am wondering if there are others who are doing okay on their own (from the perspective of not being a couple - I am so not okay as a solo parent, but that's a different thread) and not in or seeking a Chapter 2 now and possibly ever, and it seems like these people exist.  I feel less like a sore thumb, thanks for the responses.  I am glad to have a conversation and thread about this, and changed the thread title accordingly. 


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