Author Topic: Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread  (Read 16381 times)

TalksToAngels

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Re: Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #30 on: December 28, 2015, 11:42:06 PM »
Edited.
Certainly didn't mean to offend anyone.
Thanks for the chimes ins.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2015, 02:20:13 AM by TalksToAngels »

Mr C

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Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #31 on: December 29, 2015, 12:28:42 PM »
Why is it that we cannot have a thread on being okay alone without having someone feel the need to come in and invalidate that view. I thought that I was pretty clear in my post about how deep rooted my desire of being alone is.  I am not worried about guarding my heart from pain. For the love I shared with my wife is worth all of the pain that I am having to endure. I would do it all over again. But I only want to do it with her.

Just one regular person in real life had the nerve to tell me that I will find someone else. That was a couple weeks in and I read them the riot act. However, I have had several widowers try to tell me that I will eventually recouple. These people don't know me. There is so much more I want to say right now, but I don't want to invalidate the views of wids that want to find someone else. I have been around here long enough to see how valid of a view that is. But it is also okay not to recouple. And that is what I am choosing.
Mrs.C, You have been my Sweetheart, Best Friend and Love since 1987. You will be my Wife forever and ever and ever. Love Always, Mr. C

RobFTC

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Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #32 on: December 29, 2015, 03:02:30 PM »
Why is it that we cannot have a thread on being okay alone without having someone feel the need to come in and invalidate that view.

Word, Mr. C.  I wondered the same thing a few posts back.  Your choices are your choices.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

soloact

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Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #33 on: December 29, 2015, 06:43:39 PM »
Why is it that we cannot have a thread on being okay alone without having someone feel the need to come in and invalidate that view.

Misery loves company.  ;)

Torn

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Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #34 on: December 29, 2015, 08:51:04 PM »
I missed the fireworks,but he'll respect for each individual choices,for me is most important.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Oscar Levant

soloact

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Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #35 on: December 29, 2015, 09:35:31 PM »
Torn, there were no fireworks just a post that was a little OT. We're all good.

Quixote

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Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #36 on: December 30, 2015, 02:36:47 PM »
At 22 months out, I still feel married to my wife. I start every day telling her that I love her and complete every night the same way. I talk to her all the time, write to her and still get her cards for special occasions including this past week for Christmas.

Snipped, but so much of your entire post speaks to me.  I am still very much married to my wife (4 years since losing her).  Unlike you, I'm not completely adverse to meeting someone else, but that's more of an intellectual than a gut feeling.  My wife and I were beyond close, and pretty much two halves of the same person.  People used to joke that I'd married my sister, but that isn't true--  my actual sister is not vaguely as much like me as my wife was.  Add in 23 years of marriage where we hated being out of sight of each other (barely survived going out to sea when I was in the Navy).  We grew up together and were shaped by our life experiences together.

Bottom line, I realize that there's absolutely no way of reproducing that sort of shared life with someone new.  I'm lonely as hell, but yeah, when it comes down to it, I'm lonely for HER, not some hypothetical new woman.  Maybe lightning will strike twice--  but even if it does, said hypothetical lady will have to accept that I'm still in love with someone else.  Even if if HNW is okay with that, there will also remain the question of whether I'm okay with that.  I may never be.

Freelancing

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Re: OK being alone - thread for those who haven't/not seeking to recouple(d)
« Reply #37 on: January 02, 2016, 08:28:54 AM »
the bond we shared.

Here's another good descriptive word:

CATHEXIS- In psychoanalysis, it is defined as the process of investment of mental and emotional energy in a person, object or idea.

keeptrying

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Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #38 on: January 05, 2016, 08:26:29 PM »
I can't imagine being truly happy with someone else. I told my husband all the time that he was all I ever dreamed of, and then some. I lived for him, happily lived to make him proud. My dad tells me, you will never find another like him. My daughter told me the other day.. I never saw a couple love like you and him.  - What are my options.. to settle... Sounds depressing. The insane dating game with who knows what is out there. I heard horror stories. I am a wife, that is what I know. Now what?  Is it even worth the bother and torment of meeting new people and going through that mess.. knowing you can never have what you once had. If you had it all.. that leaves you with nothing to look forward to. I have no desire to date.

Bear Shannon

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Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #39 on: January 05, 2016, 09:34:00 PM »
I'm ok alone.

I'd be ok as a couple.

Life is an adventure.

 8)  8)  8)
Peace ~ Bear

Laurie RIP (Married 1980 .. Widowed 2005)

"Grief can destroy you -- or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it."
~ Odd Thomas (Dean Kootnz)

Nuggets

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Re: Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #40 on: January 16, 2016, 07:07:27 AM »
I thought this Robin Williams quote was straight-through-the-heart accurate for my situation:

"I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone."

I also KNOW that being comfortable with yourself and enjoying your own company will make you a better companion for someone else -- I have dated quite a bit in the past 10 years and in a lot of cases it was me, not them, that was the 'problem'.  In that same 10 years I was in two semi-serious relationships that did not go the distance -- it was me, it was he, it was us.  In both cases there wasn't a desire or will to share space, share a future or continue the way things had been (both LDR's -- one couldn't resolve, one wouldn't... I was OK with both.)

I had magic once, I want that again ~ I'm prepared to wait for it.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Isaac Asimov

TalksToAngels

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Re: Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #41 on: January 17, 2016, 11:26:47 PM »
Nuggets you are way smarter, than me.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2016, 06:20:30 AM by TalksToAngels »

Bear Shannon

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Re: Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #42 on: January 22, 2016, 03:08:41 AM »
Nuggets you are way smarter, than me.

Smarter (and prettier) than me too.  :)
Peace ~ Bear

Laurie RIP (Married 1980 .. Widowed 2005)

"Grief can destroy you -- or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it."
~ Odd Thomas (Dean Kootnz)

ieh21

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Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #43 on: February 08, 2016, 11:07:36 PM »
I would like to be recoupled, but I have no intention to cause my life to be disrupted by an active search for someone. So unless someone is thrown at me randomly...

On the one hand, I'm pretty satisfied focusing on work, on th girls ans on my life. Pretty comfy making my own decisions. However, sometimes I wish there was someone in my life. I think it's a waste of my romantic potential to be single. I'm also missing the physical part. I'd like an adult to comfort me and damnit I hate changing lightbulbs!

But I also know the sotry of a man who died at a 100, widower since he was 40. Raised his three sons alone at a time when everyone thought this was not possible for a man to do. He made the decision to focus on his sons. He's a friend's grandfather. I never met him but visit him every time I'm at the cemetary. It'll be ok, he silently tells me. And I get great comfort from it.

Sugarbell

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Re: OK being alone, haven't recoupled and not seeking to recouple thread
« Reply #44 on: February 09, 2016, 08:07:03 AM »
I enjoy having a male friend as a companion to do things with.

We are honest and exclusive.

At 44...with 3 school age kids....I honestly see nothing but stress and a headache if you throw in marriage or just living together even.

But that's just me. That was my attitude 2 yrs ago, 1 year ago and today.

Don't see it changing anytime soon. Blending kids, homes, finances, living arrangements, customs, etc. Lord just thinking about it gives me a migraine. When my kids are older possibly...I will have the energy/focus to do it. Now...that is uneccessary stress I don't need.

It shocks me IRL that people look at me like I have 3 heads when I tell them I don't want to be married right now.

Really...I don't understand the appeal at this stage of my life.🙄