Author Topic: The Grave  (Read 1367 times)


  • Guest
The Grave
« on: January 04, 2016, 01:09:46 PM »
I don't think I'm looking for advice here or anything, but for some reason needed to put this down.

I visited Sara's grave this weekend. She is buried by her parents because they don't have any cemeteries where I live and, honestly, I won't be staying here much longer so whats the point.

I thought a lot on the lonely drive up about that grave. That marker in the middle of no where. An area she grew up in but had little real connection with. I started thinking about how her parents will pass away. How my son and I will move father away (Even now we are 222 miles away). How that grave will slowly 'disappear' from consciousness over time. It will eventually just be an anonymous marker. 

A good friend told me that it was good. It would be there as a touch point for my son and me as we need. I totally get it.

I just felt engulfed by the loneliness of it all.

I wish I could write it down in poetry. Something to capture that feeling. Other people must feel this way.

I wonder about graveyards when you are transient. They make a world of sense when families stay in the same area generation after generation. What happens when thousands of miles separate you from the final resting place of your wife and mother.

Like I said, just felt compelled to write this out.

Love to you all.


  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 310
  • From KY to AZ, USA AKA:MissingMarsha
Re: The Grave
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2016, 02:39:14 PM »
I think I must have some of the same feelings. It was my wife's wish to be cremated, and then buried in our city's cemetery near her aunt, grandparents, and infant brother. Her parents will be buried there, as well.  I was glad to honor her wishes, but my daughter (17yo) and I do not "feel" her at the cemetery.

In about five months time, we will be moving 1,800 miles away (I selfishly wish we had her urn at home to take with us -we did keep a memory urn with a small amount ashes). We have familial ties to this area, and will visit occasionally. Like you, I wonder about what will happen after her parents pass - my late wife's brother lives in another city and her sister is thinking of moving from our town. I know that once we leave, DD and I will never live here again. When there is no family left here, will I feel the need to ask someone else to check on her grave and change out the flowers there? I don't know...

My best friend told me that "cemeteries are for the living" and I absolutely think she is right. In one or hundred years, very few - if any - people are going to place any significance on the grave of DW. It is a harsh truth for most of us humans that the stories of our life will eventually be lost to the ages.

Marsha 1975-2014

"Love is the province of the brave"


  • Member
  • Posts: 1152
  • Widowed x 2.
Re: The Grave
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2016, 08:27:42 PM »
Ah...cemeteries.  My first husband Barry was buried on the east coast in the town where we lived and where he has family.  My second husband's late wife was buried in Northern California.  My second husband John and I lived in Kansas...right smack in the middle of the country.  John and I decided we would be cremated and split between our first spouses and each other.  I honored Johns wishes to have half of his ashes buried in California with Cheryl.  I bought a plot in Kansas and there is a stone on that plot, but I have chosen to hold onto my half of his ashes for the time being.  My name is on two gravestones now. 

I don't know anyone else who can have this kind of conversation!

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness


  • Member
  • Posts: 772
Re: The Grave
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2016, 12:43:25 PM »
Yes.  We lived in NYC, but he is buried on Long Island, only because some organization gave the plot out of kindness because of the shocking nature of his death and his parents took it.  No connection to the place whatsoever.  I ended up buying the plot next to him in my haze of grief.  But I have a daughter now, with my current boyfriend.  I used to visit once a month, and haven't since I moved away from the City two years ago now (I'm 4 1/2 years out).  Loneliness is exactly what I feel for his grave, though I don't think of it as where "he" is at all.  I can relate to your feeling.
widowed 2011 (DH 28)