Author Topic: 2 years ago today I last touched him/saw his face  (Read 1115 times)

Carey

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2 years ago today I last touched him/saw his face
« on: January 06, 2016, 02:22:42 PM »
Facebook loves to remind me of these auspicious occasions   :'( :'( :'(
Chad died November 23, 2013.  But I didn't see or touch him until January 6th.  It was HELLISH getting him back here from Saudi Arabia and they messed it up more than once.  By the time he was finally here he was blue and black and grey and I didn't even care.  He had had no preservation done there, had merely been in a cooler for six weeks plus.  I remember his hand literally thawing in mine, to the point that eventually I could curl his hand around mine and it was warm. I laid on him so long my clothes got wet from where he was THAWING.  And today it's all I can think of.  I had blocked it for so long.  At the time I was grateful for anything but today I can remember sights and smells and sensations I had blocked and it HURTS. 
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

donswife

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Re: 2 years ago today I last touched him/saw his face
« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2016, 06:04:04 PM »
I am so sorry this came back to you this way
I wish I had more to say to comfort you
when the worst of the images come back I am not sure what we can do to stop them
just ride that awful wave
I just wanted you to know I saw this post and my heart broke for you
take care



My everything

sojourner

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Re: 2 years ago today I last touched him/saw his face
« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2016, 09:24:25 PM »
I feel heart-sick for the trauma you experienced and how the memories from this anniversary have hit you now. There's no longer even the initial element of shock to numb the gut-punch any longer. Peace to you, Carey, and hopes for better days- despite that seeming beyond possibility when waves like this come crashing down on you. :'(
« Last Edit: January 07, 2016, 07:54:40 AM by sojourner »

MauiMermaid

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Re: 2 years ago today I last touched him/saw his face
« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2016, 01:31:58 PM »
I am so sorry for the heart-crushing pain you have to relive again. I wish there was way to turn off that Facebook time capsule. It's BRUTAL for us!! Can I just say this, really LOUD?! - F*CK FB and social media, I hate you!!

I wish I could comfort you in some way beyond the words here. Your post brings up something many in the "non-widow/widower" world don't realize - it's not just the death/loss of our beloveds that haunt us. Many of us have very traumatic, painful visions that we have to live with as well. Things no one should have to see. So, the pain is really two-fold in many regards. I understand and have similar visions of finding my husband, laying beside him, seeing his body change after he left me. It's terrifying.

Big hugs to you and wishing you some peace. (((Hugs))) xoxo
To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. - Mark Twain

You will always be my everything.

Jen

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Re: 2 years ago today I last touched him/saw his face
« Reply #4 on: January 21, 2016, 01:33:50 PM »
No words... hurting for you. (((((((HUGS)))))))
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

Amor

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Re: 2 years ago today I last touched him/saw his face
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2016, 02:20:44 PM »
(((Carey)))
I am so sorry the hurt feelings are coming back.  I hope you can have the good non hurting memories come. 
Amor