Author Topic: Non widow dating  (Read 6272 times)

myjohnny

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #15 on: March 16, 2015, 10:50:14 PM »
Four years it has been. Pretty much by year three I was thinking will I ever meet anyone? And HOW THE HELL DO YOU MEET? So it happened. My sister met someone on line and they decided to have me meet a friend of his in a group for drinks. The very first time we looked at each other we seemed to click, I do not know where this is going, but I feel I am falling.

I keep saying to myself, am I this crazy about him because I was so alone? Over and over I turned this and the answer is NO. He is honest, kind, hard working guy who I think has also had hardships although different than mine, are still deep hurts, bad times in your life, dark times. I honestly believe I deserve to find happiness and so does he. Maybe I will get crushed, but I am 51 and I want to live, he makes me laugh and smile all day. I can talk to him for hours, talking comes easy between us.

I went way out there and invited him to my husbands brother's 40th anniversary bash. I also gave this much thought. There are many big events on my husband's side of the family this year, weddings and events that one would bring a date to. I called my mother in law and she was so happy she started crying and asked if she could tell the other kids, lol!
He accepted and went with me and his social skills were awesome and we had a super time. Everyone was so extra nice to him,.

HvnBound

  • Member
  • Posts: 105
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #16 on: March 16, 2015, 11:20:24 PM »
My first relationship was with a widower I met at a minibago in Iowa in 2012, it did not work out, he was not ready and I was but looking back I am so happy that he was not ready because now I am such a different person than the one I was back in 2012. 

I went contra dancing to feel alive and then finally got enough guts to do the online dating thing.  The only ones I dated were divorced but something happened in November 2013 when I met this great guy that I am still in a relationship with. He treats me so amazingly and I hope that this one lasts because he is so sweet.

In the beginning I thought only a wid would get it but others get it too.
« Last Edit: March 26, 2015, 12:31:17 PM by HvnBound »
"It's time to start living the life you've imagined."

  --  Henry James

Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order
to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you.
  -- Unknown

SieOma

  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #17 on: March 17, 2015, 03:42:46 PM »
It never occurred to me until I read this thread that if my guy had had an online dating profile, I would have never clicked his link or whatever. I would have assumed our life experiences were just too different. It's something to think I would have completely missed us that way.

Just sharing.



SieOma

(7.4.10)

"The best way out is always through," (Robert Frost).

lcoxwell

  • Member
  • Posts: 671
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #18 on: March 17, 2015, 09:27:11 PM »
It never occurred to me until I read this thread that if my guy had had an online dating profile, I would have never clicked his link or whatever. I would have assumed our life experiences were just too different. It's something to think I would have completely missed us that way.

Just sharing.

I often think just the opposite, about both my Kenneth AND my new guy.  The reality is, if it hadn't been for the computer, online chat rooms (for when I met Kenneth), and online dating profiles (for when I met my New Guy), I might never have met either of my guys.  What a shame that would have been.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

Mac

  • Member
  • Posts: 157
  • Some of my photos: http://www.flickr.com/wackomaco
    • I have some of my photos here on flickr
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #19 on: March 17, 2015, 10:46:53 PM »
The woman that I dated for 7 months never felt threatened by DW. She was divorced. She wanted to know about Cindy and our life together. She would be the one to bring it up.
One divorced woman that I dated was somewhat anxious and she did feel uncomfortable about DW. Ultimately, that ended that. I have felt comfortable dating people of either status. I have met some wonderful people.

However, ultimately I think that it would be special to be with a widow. To have that level of understanding. I do believe that I am a better person on this earth, having survived this sudden and unexpected tragedy. An enhanced appreciation of life and what is most important. I worry less. There are many other traits and characteristics that I feel are more emphasized and positive. It would be nice to find a woman who is compatible and who feels some of these same positive things.
Grateful for the past. Embracing the present. Trusting in the future.

Momtojandj

  • Member
  • Posts: 278
  • Widowed since 10/2012 . Living in NJ
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #20 on: March 18, 2015, 07:45:01 AM »
Guy I'm dating has been divorced twice, and very burnt from his last marriage. When we met , it was no one will meet my kids etc. We have taken it slow , some bumps along the road. Fast forward to present , I have met his kids , even watched one for him one day . My kids know about him , it's in a good place . Excited but guarded to see where it goes. Still a lot to digest .. He has custody of his kids,kids are young also,  ex not reliable , financial issues . But he is a good man, I like how he makes me feel , he is a lot like my late husband in a lot of ways , but a lot of ways is very different . So time will tell ...
"To love another person is to see the face of God "

linda5

  • Member
  • Posts: 193
  • My one, my only
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #21 on: March 18, 2015, 03:07:56 PM »
I just read this entire thread and I'm starting to want a companion. Before I read this, I've been telling people I only want a widowed man, somebody who loved his wife and would still be with her if she didn't die, BUT after reading the stories, perhaps I'm being too closed minded!  I have my 2 year sadiversary next week, so I think after that I'll dip my feet in.  Now one more question, do we say we are widowed on the dating sites?  (As I've heard that generally means a woman got a life insurance payout and all kinds of people come after you.  Some people have told me you should state that you are divorced.)

look2thesky

  • Guest
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #22 on: March 18, 2015, 03:41:58 PM »
I always wrote widowed or single.
Realize the truth is not what everyone puts out on a public site, but it's always what I stood for.
Maybe that's why I'm still single (as someone once told me).

tableforone

  • Guest
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #23 on: March 18, 2015, 05:26:53 PM »
I started dating at around year three. I dated at least 40 guys.( I don't recommend that. Do a phone interview first. It would have saved me a lot of trouble and lip gloss.) I started with a widower I met through ywbb. It all seemed too good to be true...it was. Then I online dated off and on for two plus years. I dated widowers, divorced, never married and divorced/widowers(two of them actually) . Some I dated for a couple of months, some the hour date was too long. I had deleted my entire profile, pictures included. I was done. Then I somehow got a message from a divorced man. I figured, 'What the hell?' He passed my phone interview. We went on a great date. I was very busy. He was persistent. He played tennis. My mother forced me to take tennis lessons as a child. She said, 'Someday a rich boy is going to ask you to play tennis and you are going to be ready.'  We have been married for seven months. And we do play tennis together.  :D

Initially I had my heart set on finding a widower and even begged all the guys on the board to come rescue me. My first husband was divorced too. It seems to work for me.

lcoxwell

  • Member
  • Posts: 671
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #24 on: March 18, 2015, 07:46:19 PM »
Now one more question, do we say we are widowed on the dating sites?  (As I've heard that generally means a woman got a life insurance payout and all kinds of people come after you.  Some people have told me you should state that you are divorced.)

I am with look2the sky.  I prefer being honest about who and what I am.  I actually told my New Guy that I was very recently widowed, right from the start.  He actually appreciated my honesty.  New Guy says to this day, one of the reasons he chose to date me, over other options he had at the time, was because I wasn't playing games or hiding who I was.

If you want to be careful or prefer to keep your widowed status private, which is perfectly understandable, my suggestion would be to say you are single.  Regardless of whether you feel it is right or wrong, some people avoid dating divorced people, for a variety of reasons, so you could be unintentionally eliminating some potential matches.  Also, if you enter into a relationship, and the truth comes out later that you are widowed, rather than divorced, the other person may feel hurt or angry that you hid the truth, and it could cause potential problems in your relationship.  Most people want to date someone they feel they can trust, and the other person might wonder, if you kept that important information hidden, what else are you hiding?  Of course, I could be completely off base on this, so you can take my advice, or leave it.

"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

fairlanegirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 97
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #25 on: March 18, 2015, 08:22:32 PM »
It never occurred to me until I read this thread that if my guy had had an online dating profile, I would have never clicked his link or whatever. I would have assumed our life experiences were just too different. It's something to think I would have completely missed us that way.

Just sharing.
This made me smile - I had known my new guy for over 20 years, though not had much to do with each other for most of that, and I've thought the same. He was 48, never married or even in a long-term relationship, living at home (looking after parents not other way round) and collects guns. I joked to him, online it would have been 'Danger! Danger, Boy Robinson!' So you just never know. I do realise though that this may be unusual.

look2thesky

  • Guest
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #26 on: March 18, 2015, 08:50:51 PM »
What Icoxwell wrote. Exactly.
More than once I broke off a relationship because single (and divorced) meant..
still involved. I feel not telling the truth, even on a dating site, destroys trust.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2015, 10:21:13 PM by look2thesky »

maddalena

  • Member
  • Posts: 151
Re: Non widow dating
« Reply #27 on: March 19, 2015, 10:13:46 AM »
my new guy is not a widow. In fact, he is divorced. He had decided years ago that relationships were not for him, as he had failed miserably at his marriage.
well, guess what, he's a wonderful guy.
I started the whole thing with him by making him read the book my husband and I wrote about our marriage after he was diagnosed with cancer and before he got too weak to write.
I barraged him with photos of Dh and me, to make sure this was not going to be a problem. When he came to my home, he was surrounded by photos of DH. He handled all that well too.
Last week, i told him about a dream i had with DH in it, and he interpreted it in a very positive way.
I think I personally would feel threatened, but he doesn't seem to be. He worries that i have not had enough time to heal (after almost 3 years) but it hasn't made him leave me yet :D

so yes, find a good guy, and it can work!