Author Topic: The reality of being widowed  (Read 5776 times)


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The reality of being widowed
« on: March 15, 2015, 05:03:13 PM »
So much been going on in my life lately that hasn''t been good. 

Our cat died.  Nick and John were a wreck, especially Nick.  She was his cat.  She slept with him and stayed in his room all the time.  Another loss on top of all the other losses.  His dad, grandmother, grandfather, uncle and now 2 cats in 5 years and this was on top of having a bunch of his video games stolen when he forgot them on his bus and the bus then went and picked up other students for another school after he got off. 

The stolen games and his cat dying caused a lot of difficulties at school.  Nick is my child with aspergers.  Anything can throw him off and this absolutely sent him for a tail spin.

Then my oldest son got pulled over for a headlight being out.  He had drugs in the truck.  He was arrested for intent to distribute which he's fighting along with driving on a suspended license which was suspended because he didn't do what he was supposed to do once his time was up.  You know, pay the restoration fee?  Stupid shit.   He was in jail for a month before I bailed him out with his money.  Even if the intent to distribute is dropped, I'm sure he's looking at some jail time. 

My brother had a stroke and has been in the hospital for 3 weeks or so.  At first it sounded minor but it hasn't turned out that way.  Last week we thought we might lose him.  He wasn't doing well at all, extremely agitated, confused, pulling out his pic line.  My mother is in her 80's, doesn't drive and takes care of my severely handicapped brother at home.  My brother was there to help her but now isn't.  My father is in the local Veteran's nursing home.  They are in Arkansas and I'm in Pennsylvania. 

My younger, severely handicapped brother is now also in the hospital because his hemoglobin levels were dangerously low.  The only good thing is at least with both of them in the hospital my mom can visit both of them while she stays there. 

So, the reality of widowhood is I have to deal with all of this alone, without my rock, my partner, my one person I always knew that no matter what came up we could get through together. 

I have to deal with my children's issues alone.

I can't just up and head down to Arkansas to help my mom because I have children to take care of here.

And what if something happens to my older brother?  My mom and younger brother can't be alone at home.  I can't be down there for long periods to help because of my responsibilities here.  I can't even begin to consider moving closer to home because my son with Aspergers is finally in a school that is perfect for him.  He needs to stay here where he can get what he needs.

The reality is, if Rick were here, I wouldn't be doing it all on my own.  The reality is, if Rick were here, I could head down to help my family and Rick would take care of everything at home.  He would get the kids off to school, go to work, come home early to be home with them after school.  It wouldn't be an issue. 

The reality is, if Rick were here, the house wouldn't be falling apart, my children would have their dad and maybe, just maybe, might be handling things better.  The reality is, if Rick were here, I would have the security of knowing that everything would be okay because we were a team and we could handle whatever life threw at us together.  That security is gone.  I feel so alone.   I am alone. 

I miss him so damn much.  I miss everything about him and I miss the security that being married, being partners, being with Rick gave me.  It's all gone and this is my reality. 
Rick, an amazing husband, father, fisherman & fisher of men with a servants heart who served God every day. ReRe, miss your smile & twinkle in your eye.


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #1 on: March 15, 2015, 05:14:38 PM »
You have an enormous amount on your plate and facing it all by yourself just plain sucks.  I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. 
You will forever be my always.


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2015, 05:20:17 PM »
Oh Mary,

I am so sorry to read all that you have to deal with alone in your life. You are such an inspiration to me, that I only wish I could come out there and just do something for you. All I can say is I have been thinking of you the last few days, because of your brothers. Now the cat and I know how much a pet means to someone with Aspergers because of Travis. I know what it s to answer those same questions over and over when trying to explain. Sorry about your eldest.
Mary, saying prayers for everyone and just wishing I could give you an enormous hug. xo


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2015, 05:45:26 PM »
Mary, if I had any words that could even begin to help, I would have offered them so long ago. I just wish things were different for you. For the boys. For your family. All I can offer is my love and daily prayers...we know the God of the impossible. I pray so many things for you, beginning with hope and strength.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. ~Psalm 23

All my love...
Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale. -Anonymous

And sometimes it can give a second. -Me

RWV 7/7/56-4/13/09 I would have waited forever.


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2015, 07:04:30 PM »
singinmomo4, I am so sorry to hear of all that you are facing. It is too much.  I absolutely dread anything happening to my own family because it would put me over the edge just now.  I wish you courage.  I hope that things improve for your entire family.


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #5 on: March 15, 2015, 07:56:19 PM »

Oh Mary....I am so sorry.

Wish I was there to help...I know many of us do. But we can lend an ear and support from far away too. Vent away.

Sending all of your family positive vibes and strength this week.
B.W.H. 9/24/2007


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2015, 10:37:55 PM »
Oh Geez, Mary - I wish you could have intercepted that giant-sized manure delivery and refused delivery.  That is a lot of stuff to deal with.  I am so sorry that it's happened at all and at once.  I wish I was close enough to deliver a hug in person.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2015, 11:02:09 PM »
Mary, I can't imagine having to deal with any one of these issues, never mind all of them, at the same time.  I'm sorry you don't have your rock, and I'm sorry it is so overwhelming.  I read earlier that you had things going on and was wondering about it...I suppose the only thing I'm glad for is that you shared it all here and can be supported (albeit from afar). 

One foot in front of the other, breathe, and repeat...  You deserve a break and I hope you get one soon.



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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #8 on: March 16, 2015, 08:15:24 AM »
Oh Honey :(
I can only ditto what others have said but I had to tell you I was touched , I thought I was living in a shit storm. I can't even fathom all you are handling.  I truly hope things turn around for your brothers and your mom. It's too much for one person. Is there anything you need that any of us here could possibly do?
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2015, 02:14:39 PM »
Mary , huge hugs! I only met you once in person, but you were so warm and welcoming me to a bago, I will never forget that. I hope and pray for your family that things get easier .
"To love another person is to see the face of God "


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #10 on: March 16, 2015, 04:47:39 PM »
Big big hugs.   I have had a lot as well.   Really related to your post.  So sorry.   


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #11 on: March 16, 2015, 05:36:08 PM »
I am so sorry you have all of this on your plate.  I always felt that after all that we have been through we kind of deserve a pass on the bad stuff for a bit.  Doesn't seem to work out that way.
I have a "Nick" although his name is Brian and he is 27.  I know how things can just turn their world upside down and it somehow trickles down to everyone in the house.  Putting your brother's health issues and your Mom and brother into the mix-what an absolute mess.
I am glad to see you here.  I hope that we can be some help to you even if it just a place to vent.  You have always been so kind and wise.  Know that you are in my prayers.



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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #12 on: March 16, 2015, 08:01:49 PM »
I am so sorry to hear of all of this - You are in my prayers Mary.

The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped. (Proverbs 11:25)


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #13 on: March 16, 2015, 08:11:26 PM »
I'm worn out just thinking about all of that. I'm sorry things have been so difficult for you lately. It's not fair. You've been through enough and shouldered more than your share of heartache already. I wish I could hug you for real.


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #14 on: March 16, 2015, 09:10:11 PM »
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. That is a lot to handle at once and especially hard to face it on your own. Sending positive thoughts your way. I hope things start to get better.