Author Topic: The reality of being widowed  (Read 5732 times)


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #15 on: March 16, 2015, 09:35:05 PM »
I have come back and read this a couple of times in the last few days, wishing I had the right words to make things better, or wishing I could do something to help.  Unfortunately, I have no words, and I live too far away to pitch in.  I am thinking of you, though, and keeping you in my prayers.  I am just so sorry you have had to go through all of this.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #16 on: March 17, 2015, 07:51:20 AM »
Thank you everyone.  Sometimes I just need to vent and have a pity party and it's nice to know that you all are here to listen while I just get it out. 

These are the moments when I miss Rick the most.  I've always been pretty self sufficient and that was one of the things that attracted Rick to me but it's so different when others are involved.  Feeling a responsibility for so many really drains me. 

I also find myself feeling so envious of others who, even when they are dealing with difficulties in their lives, have their loved one right by their side to weather it with them.  A perfect example is my SIL.  I love my inlaws so much and of course I don't want them to hurt like I do but even when she had so many burdens taking care of her ailing mother and then her father, her husband (a rock, just like Rick) was always there with her.  And throughout the loss of her brother, mother and father, he's there with her, loving her, supporting her, helping her.  I've always said, the hardest part of losing Rick was not having him to weather the storm with me. 

There are some bright spots in all of this.

My oldest son is doing well.  He has a continuance until May.  He's working and seems more clear headed than he has in a long time.  He's hoping, that by working and being productive, if he does do time they will allow him to take part in work release.  I hope that this experience helps him to turn things around for himself. 

There are a couple of people helping out my mom.  Before my younger brother was in the hospital, a few people were helping my mom.  There's Robert, a guy that used to work with my younger brother years ago and has stayed in touch with the family.  He would pick up groceries and go check on my older brother and report back to her because she wasn't able to get there, Scott, a friend of my older brother who would also visit my brother and report back to mom.  He also offered to sit with my younger brother so that Robert could take her to visit my older brother.  My mom also has a sister and her daughter who have brought some meals to them.  I've ordered a few things online and had them mailed directly to her. 

I have a visit planned the end of this month.  Luckily I had it planned before everything happened and work was incredibly awesome allowing me so much time off, one of the many reasons I absolutely love my job. 

And, lastly, it's been 2 months since Nick's games were stolen.  Ideally he would want his games back because of the data on them but I've convinced him I've done everything I can do to try to get them back and we need to just try to replace them.  He was given an early birthday present from my parents and I've told him he can use that to replace some games and after posting on FB looking for someone with games they wanted to get rid of, he was able to replace most of his favorite ones fairly cheaply.  In fact, it was some of my widda friends that came through for me again.   

So there are bright spots that I'm very grateful for but it all just makes me really miss Rick.  I'm so thankful for this place to be able to vent, cry, remember. 
Rick, an amazing husband, father, fisherman & fisher of men with a servants heart who served God every day. ReRe, miss your smile & twinkle in your eye.


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #17 on: March 17, 2015, 03:13:54 PM »
((Hugs))) You do have a lot of things going on to deal with. You are correct to say that list would be difficult WITH a hubby! Without one, it would feel overwhelming. I find myself more easily overwhelmed in this new life too. But then, I felt early on more overwhelmed by everything no matter how trivial it would have been in my former life!

Pre-widowhood, I appreciated my guy so much that I thought I couldn't appreciate him more. Yet, now I know that I appreciate him on a far higher level than I did when he was alive. Funny how perspective changes everything. I just wish I could tell him that.

I'm glad to see your update and the bright spots are becoming visible. Those are the little buoys along the way that keep us afloat! I keep reminding myself of Dory's advice in 'Finding Nemo', "Just keep swimming!" :)

And I understand why you'd feel that way for the others who still have their supporter by their side.  I feel a pang when I see older people walking hand in hand too. I'm glad that they have that blessing but it just makes me miss my guy more.  Personally though, I think we should coin a better word than 'envy' as this post-widowhood envy is different than the usual meaning of that word. I don't want that person's hubby or relationship, I just see them and it reminds me of what I've lost. Huge distinction, I think...

Sending hopes and prayers that life calms down for you soon and that all your loved ones get feeling better very soon.
« Last Edit: March 17, 2015, 06:52:46 PM by Munsen »


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #18 on: March 17, 2015, 05:41:38 PM »
Huge hugs Mary. You have so much to deal with, and I'm sorry he isn't here either. :(
Gone but not Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #19 on: March 17, 2015, 06:01:38 PM »
I have nothing to offer but ((((HUGS)))) and that you are being thought of .....
We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.
Aristotle Onassis


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #20 on: March 17, 2015, 06:52:23 PM »
I wish I had some great advice or magic wand and could take these troubles away from you.  It absolutely sucks!  Just now you and your family will be in my prayers.

A Tout Jamais

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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #21 on: March 17, 2015, 08:34:26 PM »
So, the reality of widowhood is I have to deal with all of this alone, without my rock, my partner, my one person I always knew that no matter what came up we could get through together. 

I miss him so damn much.  I miss everything about him and I miss the security that being married, being partners, being with Rick gave me.  It's all gone and this is my reality.


Your post about the reality of widowhood probably hits home with many. Your current situation seems overwhelming, to say the least. Life is inherently messy, it's baked in the cake, but when one adds widowhood to the mix, you've got "the cake from hell".  This type of reality can make one want to hide under a blanket forever.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away"
~ ~ Philip K. Dick

The widowed can vouch for the above! The game goes on, and we have to play the cards we are dealt alone. It is especially difficult when one has to face a multi-front fire and is a lonely fighter. The logistics of life by themselves can be overwhelming enough, but doing so without our trusted co-pilot makes it exponentially more challenging.

And it's not always just the practical aspects, which sometimes seem to pile on and can feel insurmountable, but the emotional comfort, the shoulder to lean on, is missing. Our security blanket has been ripped away from us and leaves us shivering in the cold. We have come to understand the true meaning of "fighting a lonely battle". Yes, the state of widowhood is a very harsh reality that has to be experienced in order to be understood, and outsiders have no idea about the depth of loneliness it entails.

Even Mother Theresa, although not a widow, said the following:

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
 I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

 ~~ Mother Teresa

Sometimes we just feel like screaming to the universe: "ENOUGH!!!"

I know that words can't help your very real life problems, but nonetheless , I want to tell you that I at least heard you and offer my virtual shoulder to lean on for a while.

Sending you thoughts of solidarity, courage and strength!

And I wish for you that:

" All shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well!"

~~ T.S. Eliot

ATJ  :)

« Last Edit: May 16, 2016, 09:45:19 PM by A Tout Jamais »
"Tu n'es plus là où tu étais, mais tu es partout là où je suis."
~~ Victor Hugo

"Je me souviens de toi ... Je me souviens de nous  - Il était une fois -  Je me souviens de tout!"


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #22 on: March 17, 2015, 09:15:48 PM »
Mary, just big big hugs!!!!
You hate me don't you? Yup, so much I married you twice! :)


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Re: The reality of being widowed
« Reply #23 on: March 18, 2015, 01:41:46 PM »
"I know that words can?t help your very real life problems, but nonetheless , I want to tell you that I at least heard you and offer my virtual shoulder to lean on for a while"

ATJ ..... can I crawl in your lap?

I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter