Author Topic: My forever love - introduction  (Read 1413 times)

LTSLforever

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My forever love - introduction
« on: March 06, 2016, 11:58:03 AM »
I lost the love of my life, Steve, on Nov. 6, 2015 – four months ago.   Steve had myelofibrosis – a rare disease of the bone marrow.  To save his life, he had a stem cell transplant in August 2014.  He experienced very bad graft vs. host disease and was on high levels of prednisone.   The prednisone caused osteoporosis, which resulted in nine compression fractures in his spine and one fracture in his sternum.  Then there was the double pneumonia.  On Oct. 31, 2015 Steve and I got married (spiritual ceremony, no time to make it legal) in his hospital room.  My mom and sister attended.  It was the most beautiful wedding a woman could ever wish for.  I am not sure if Steve was aware of the fact that he was going to die.  Steve was my world, my soulmate and my best friend.  When I lost Steve, I lost everything.  The pain of losing him has been excruciating.  At first, I did not want to live.  I could not handle the deep burning pain (not that I can cope with it now).   I am still waiting for him to come home.  Steve – you will be my forever love.

Not long after Steve died, my mom was diagnosed with leukemia.  This world sucks!
« Last Edit: March 06, 2016, 12:05:40 PM by LTSLforever »

Wife of Tomasz

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Re: My forever love - introduction
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2016, 12:56:36 PM »
LTSLforever I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Tom in Sept 2015, and I so relate to what you said about this pain. He is my everything and life without him is unbearable. Hang in there. Hugs

lcoxwell

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Re: My forever love - introduction
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2016, 04:14:46 PM »
Words seem so inadequate,  but I am truly sorry for your loss and that you have a reason to be here.  In these early months,  the pain truly is excruciating.  In the first few days and weeks,  I remember people telling me to take things one step at a time, and I truly tried.  Then one particularly difficult day hit,  and I remember thinking how hard it is to take one step,  when you are drowning in the middle of the ocean,  with waves crashing down on your head,  and you can't even feel the ground underneath your feet. 

The people here gave me a life raft,  though,  and they pulled me back to shore and helped me to stand,  once again.  Hopefully,  being here will help you, too.  Please,  come here as often as you feel the need to read or to post.  I promise,  there will always be someone here,  willing to listen,  or who can relate in some way. In the meantime,  please remember to try and take care of yourself.  Eat when you can. Sleep when you can. Drink plenty of water and exercise. When all else fails,  just remember to breathe.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

SoVerySad

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Re: My forever love - introduction
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2016, 04:38:49 PM »
LTSLforever, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, Steve. It sounds like you both went thru a lot. I'm also sorry about your mom's diagnosis. It is hard to understand how there can be so much hurt in this world. Those of us who have been in your position, fully understand how fitting the word excruciating is to describe such a deep loss. I hope you will find some comfort here just knowing that we understand and are here to support you.

Sending you a tight, tight hug...
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

Trying

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Re: My forever love - introduction
« Reply #4 on: March 07, 2016, 04:30:04 AM »
I hope that your wedding brings you some comfort as you face the deep pain of your loss.  Having that opportunity to express your love and leave nothing left unsaid was a bright light during your darkest days.  I also hope that this group also provides you a life raft during this storm as it has done for so many of us, a place where people understand the depth of pain and the complexities of grief in a life after loss.
You will forever be my always.

Jen

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Re: My forever love - introduction
« Reply #5 on: March 07, 2016, 08:39:32 AM »
No words... so many hugs. I am so sorry.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

LTSLforever

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Re: My forever love - introduction
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2016, 03:34:26 AM »
Thanks everyone for your kind words.

So many tears, so much pain.  I just can't cope with life.  I feel useless and hopeless.

Amor

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Re: My forever love - introduction
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2016, 01:30:43 PM »
Forever Love the words on my heart ring so true. When asked if I am married I always want to say yes forever even after death. 
I am truly sorry you have to be in this most painful state.  There are no words to say that can take away this pain. For now grieve, take care of yourself. In a safe place let the feeling roll over you, take whatever peace and comfort you can get. Give yourself the time you need to.  Chat with us when you need to vent without judgment. 
Coping maybe for awhile just getting the basic needs, food, plenty of water, and sleep. That is ok.  Be kind to yourself. 
Crying is a good thing it lets you grieve (heal the open wounds of your heart). 
(((hugs)))
Amor