Author Topic: OK to want to leave?  (Read 4713 times)

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
Re: OK to want to leave?
« Reply #15 on: February 24, 2016, 03:37:44 PM »
I too have come to the realization that its time for me to move.  It will be 3 yrs in May and I have been alone here, so isolated and this house is way too big for me.  We built this house together on the lake and the thought of moving into town sometimes makes me feel claustrophobic but I know its best for me to do. Ive started to purge and pack and I have hired someone to do some fixups before I put it on the market.  Its going to break my heart to leave here and a the same time breaking my heart by staying. 
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Justin

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  • From KY to AZ, USA AKA:MissingMarsha
Re: OK to want to leave?
« Reply #16 on: February 25, 2016, 07:58:34 PM »
ArtLovingDad,

I've been thinking a lot about your post since I first read it, and my own feelings about moving. My wife died the summer before my daughter's junior year of high school. It only took me about two weeks to realize that when my kid went away to college, I would also be moving in order to be closer to her. I knew I wouldn't really miss this town that much, even though I have family here. It is a small town of about 12,000 filled with nice folks, but utterly lacking in diversity or any type of cultural enrichment beyond an occasional play or craft show.

As we know, life has its way of making the path shift beneath our feet. I fell deeply in love with another wid at five months out, and to make a long story short - she and my kid are crazy about each other and we are moving 1800 miles to a major metro area to be with my love, and my daughter will also attend school there. As the days of waiting for graduation ticked by, I found myself becoming more and more eager to leave this town and our house because there seemed to be ghosts at every turn. I never wavered in my decision to move, but sometimes felt guilt that I will be leaving the home we shared and the town where we had made so many memories.

Your initial post really got me to thinking, though: I've been wanting to move for at least 10 years. Really, the only reason we stayed here was because my wife Marsha felt a real dedication to being near to her parents and giving our daughter a close relationship with them. Now that my late wife is gone, there really isn't any pull to the land here for me. Shit, we had even talked about moving when our kid went to college - I guess Marsha had enough of the small-town suffocation, too.

Sorry to ramble so much; I just wanted to say that I read in your initial post that you are more of a big-city guy and you moved there because of your wife. And now that she's gone, it's okay that you don't want to be there.

 Maybe you're aren't so much as running from your past, as you are running to your future. Good luck, man.
« Last Edit: February 25, 2016, 08:03:23 PM by Justin »
Marsha 1975-2014

"Love is the province of the brave"

SieOma

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Re: OK to want to leave?
« Reply #17 on: March 08, 2016, 01:40:52 PM »
I moved after the first anniversary of his death, but I wanted to go within a few months. I stayed as long as I did only because I didn't want to further uproot my kids. It happened to work out that the last night I spent in that house was an anniversary of our wedding. It seemed fitting, though...

Anyway, that was the best decision I made, by far. I knew better than to think I was escaping grief. Like you, I was also angry at some people I constantly ran the risk of encountering. However, none of it was about running away. Staying there caused a stagnation; moving let me breathe, gave me the space (somewhat due to anonymity) to just be... That's what I needed most, and it's something I think you just might understand without further explanation.

You wrote that you "NEED" to move. It is time to go then. Best of luck to you.
SieOma

(7.4.10)

"The best way out is always through," (Robert Frost).

SieOma

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Re: OK to want to leave?
« Reply #18 on: March 08, 2016, 01:51:09 PM »
By the way, moving turned out to be great for my kids as well.
SieOma

(7.4.10)

"The best way out is always through," (Robert Frost).

Damiansinc

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Re: OK to want to leave?
« Reply #19 on: March 08, 2016, 02:46:43 PM »
Meeting with a real estate agent this Friday. Getting the process started.

Amor

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  • Amor Para Siempre
Re: OK to want to leave?
« Reply #20 on: March 10, 2016, 10:04:02 AM »
Good luck with your move.
Amor

stolendance

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Re: OK to want to leave?
« Reply #21 on: March 13, 2016, 05:49:38 PM »
My suggestion is move... follow what feels right!

I would have never moved but the husband wanted to...He ended up passing away here only 1 year after we lived. I can't see myself returning to our home city. I like the idea of being able to tell people what I want... Explore new things... think of the memories only when I want and also tell people ONLY what I want to share...its helped me with my grieving definately.

Best of luck with what you decide!