Author Topic: What was, what is and what will never be..  (Read 966 times)

keeptrying

  • Member
  • Posts: 102
What was, what is and what will never be..
« on: February 17, 2016, 11:19:11 AM »
I was pregnant with my son when he died and I have a lot of children. February 1st. My period. The most DEVASTATING reminder. I haven't gotten my period in about 9 years ( due to I am pregnant all the time ). - We wanted more, many more. That day.. I sunk. just sunk so low and I am not able to pick myself up it seems. No matter how I try. I'm trying REALLY hard to fake it. I mean REALLY hard. It is just SO exhausting though. No matter where I am at, what I am doing, a week of I SHOULD BE PREGNANT NOW! I know what he would say, I know the look and the smile he would give me. I know how he would hold me and rub my stomach and be so proud. It is gone. All gone. My present, future, happiness completely gone. There is NO chance of getting it back. I can plead, cry, bargain, sell my soul. NOTHING. I have to live with this every day. Every day of my life. It is torture and there is no way out of it.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2016, 01:41:55 PM by keeptrying »

SoVerySad

  • Member
  • Posts: 865
Re: What was, what is and what will never be..
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2016, 04:48:51 PM »
Sending you tight hugs, KT. I am sorry you did not get the chance to live out those dreams for the future you shared with your husband. The finality of "never" has been my biggest struggle. Making it through the day to day is difficult enough, but that realization that you will never get the chance to live out the life you planned together is so crushing. I really do understand how painful it is and wish there was a way to help it hurt less. I can't say that time has made accepting it any easier, but I have gotten more used to living with it.  I agree it is exhausting to fake it to cover up the true feelings. I'm thankful we have this place to at least be our true selves for a little while. I'm sending you and your beautiful children love and hugs. Please feel free to PM me if you ever want to just talk or vent.
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

Jess

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 670
  • AKA Jezzy
Re: What was, what is and what will never be..
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2016, 02:05:25 PM »
In the years before my husband passed, we had been trying for a child. I got pregnant once but it didn't take. I can relate to the heartbreak of getting a period when you wish there was a reason you weren't getting it. Peace to you.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014