Author Topic: widowed again  (Read 2105 times)

missing you

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widowed again
« on: February 24, 2016, 02:41:35 PM »
Hello, Just wondering if there are any here that are widowed more then once?
 I lost my chapter 2 love on February 10,2016 we had just been married in 2013 shortly after we married we got his cancer dx,[/size] [/size] I was first widowed in 2009 after nearly 20 years of marriage needless to say I am super over whelmed with this. :'(

Jen

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Re: widowed again
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2016, 03:03:30 PM »
Oh, hon. I'm so, so sorry. We have a few who have faced this dark road for a second time-- Wheelerswife is the first one to come to mind, I'm sure she will be around soon. Please don't hesitate to talk, scream, cry, rant, whatever you need to do. (((((((HUGS)))))))
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

BrokenHeart2

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Re: widowed again
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2016, 03:29:11 PM »
I am so sorry Missing You that you have to go through this again.  There are no words.
Hugs to you.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

SoVerySad

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Re: widowed again
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2016, 03:31:46 PM »
I'm so very sorry, missing you. How terribly sad and unfair for you to be facing widowhood a second time.

Sending you a tight hug...
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

Wheelerswife

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Re: widowed again
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2016, 05:07:32 PM »
Hello, Just wondering if there are any here that are widowed more then once?
 I lost my chapter 2 love on February 10,2016 we had just been married in 2013 shortly after we married we got his cancer dx,[/size] [/size] I was first widowed in 2009 after nearly 20 years of marriage needless to say I am super over whelmed with this. :'(

Hi. Maureen here. 

I have also been widowed twice.  I was first widowed in 2009, after 18+ years with my first husband Barry.  My second husband John was widowed, too, and we met within months of losing our first spouses.  We married a year later.  My second husband died unexpectedly in his sleep just over two years ago.  I was really crushed.  He was an amazing man, a beautiful person through and through, and he was supposed to be my future.  We had less than 4 years together from the time we started talking until he died.  We had never been happier.

There were times that I didn't know how I was going to survive after John died.  I had left my old life behind and moved from Connecticut to the sticks of Kansas to be with him.  I took advantage of the opportunity to start a whole new life and I left a 26 year career behind and went back to school.  I still hadn't determined a new direction for my own career by the time he died and I felt pretty lost.  I also ended up with medical issues within days of his death, surgery a few weeks later, and an unexpected diagnosis of a rare and aggressive cancer.

So...yes..I understand overwhelmed.  Fortunately, I had and still have a network of widowed friends (and my university community) that have held me up through so much angst.  I was visiting widow friends in Connecticut when John died and they surrounded me that evening and the next day in support.  Others came to spend a weekend with me before my first oncology visit. 

I know that not everyone has a local younger widow community where they live, but this online community reaches far and wide and there are people here that I have come to love as true friends.  There are some that I feel close to that I have never met.  I hope you feel comfortable reaching out to me or anyone else here with whom you resonate.  I don't have a widow community here in Kansas, but that doesn't keep me from having friends and confidantes across the country and beyond.

I'm so sorry that you lost your second love.  As tempting as it is, don't give up.  Keep breathing, drink water, try to eat and sleep.  I know you are going to feel like crying all the time.  It has taken me longer to get to a point of stability after the loss of my second husband.  My loss has been complicated by anxiety and panic that I didn't have after my first husband died (after a very long decline).  But...I'm starting to emerge and I finished one degree and I am in my last year of a Master's degree now.  I didn't necessarily want to live after my second husband died, but I have gotten this far by putting one foot in front of the other.  I've recently started dipping my toe in the dating pool.  It is going to take some time, but you do know the ropes.  It shouldn't be this way, but it is.

Hugs to you...I'm here.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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Trying

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Re: widowed again
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2016, 07:31:03 PM »
I am so very sorry that you have suffered such a devastating loss for the second time. I hope you find the support here that I have.
You will forever be my always.

missing you

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Re: widowed again
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2016, 09:47:14 AM »
Hello again I am feeling so sad and lost without him here sometimes I just don't think I can breathe I am trying to hold it together and be strong.

Wheelerswife

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Re: widowed again
« Reply #7 on: February 26, 2016, 12:42:58 PM »
Missing you,

I think we try to stay strong so we don't fall apart.  The reality is that we keep breathing, even when we don't think we can.  I won't lie...it hurts like hell.  I was soooo happy when I found myself in love with my second husband.  I didn't believe it was possible to be that happy.  I know that it is...I experienced it myself and I know several others who have been widowed who have found really great love again.

But...as unfair as it is for us to have been widowed when we are young, it feels even more unfair to have a second love ripped away from us.  But life just isn't fair, is it?

Sometimes we need a safe place to express our anger (yeah, I was angry).  Any illusions that I had that I was strong and in control of my life were certainly unveiled.  Anxiety and panic hit me and still remind me that there is so much in this life I can't control.  At the same time, I'm too stubborn to give any of my power away that I can actually wield. 

This hasn't been an easy road, but I'm still upright, even if I need crutches to keep myself upright and moving forward.  Grab onto whatever you can.  Hang in there.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

missing you

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Re: widowed again
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2016, 04:58:56 PM »
Thank You all for the support I am still here still breathing and making plans to move my life forward as best as I can I will be moving into a 55+ community soon I have some health issues myself and I think this will be a better fit for me and what I need it something my husband and I had discussed quite a bit so I am OK with doing this it is just the packing up our lives and going on alone that sometimes gets to me I do not know why God has taken him away as well but I try to keep my faith that God has his reasons even though I do not understand.

arneal

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Re: widowed again
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2016, 09:16:49 PM »
Hi, Missing You and thank you for sharing. My first husband died in 1999 and my second (my best friend) just this past February 1. I am 47 now and am heartbroken, but like you am hopeful because I know he is with God. I take one breath at a time on tough days and smile and laugh as much as possible on good ones. We press on. And now that I've come here, I'm thankful not to be alone ...
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b