Author Topic: Both  (Read 840 times)


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« on: March 07, 2016, 11:43:10 AM »
This past weekend was both terrible and wonderful. I drove back to Illinois, where I?m from and my ILs still live, with DD and my boyfriend, who travels there regularly to visit his daughter. We stopped in Indiana the first night and stayed with my sister and her husband, who met my boyfriend for the first time. We had breakfast with my mom, then I took DD to see my ILs. I had to go to my old house to pick up stuff I?d stored there. I also went to the cemetery. Later that evening I met back up with my boyfriend, and we met up with a good friend and her boyfiend. It was a meeting of the boyfriends. Then I spent the night with him and went back to my inlaws? before meeting back up with him at my sisters and then driving back home together.

It was wonderful spending so much time with him on the weekend. It was wonderful having him meet my sister and my friend, and hearing from them how awesome he is. It was wonderful seeing DD so excited and happy with her grandparents, as well as Dan?s sister, who was visiting as well. It was nice for my boyfriend and nice for me to have someone to share the drive with.

But it was also very, very hard. Driving into my IL?s town, where Dan grew up and we lived for several years and thought we?d spend our lives was hard. Coming in, I passed the cemetery and it really hit me how hard the visit would be. Driving to my tenants?, it was like reading the book of my life. And the cemetery. I walked over to the general area, then my eyes fell on a bottle of Gatorade, and I knew that was his. He loved Gatorade; someone had left it for him. It hit me when I saw the grave how longs it?s been. It was dirty and covered with leaves. I haven?t really felt guilty about my boyfriend, but at that moment I felt guilty. And it was hard seeing my FIL, who has terminal cancer and does not look well. And yet I was able to talk to my boyfriend about this stuff, to lean on him during what was in many ways a very difficult weekend.

On our way back we stopped at a rest stop. On our way back to the car, I was holding DD?s hand, and she reached for my boyfriend to hold her other hand. I?m glad that she feels so comfortable with him. But that hit me in the gut a bit. Soon after we moved here DD and I were on a walk and I saw a couple with their child swinging her back and forth. And it hit me that Dan and I would never do that. So DD holding our hands like that, was both wonderful and hard. At the exact same time. I think that Dan would want her to have someone like him in her life. And even if he didn?t; he?d be wrong; this is good for her. She was very uncomfortable with men, the fact that she was comfortable with my boyfriend so quickly is a very good thing. But I?d be lying if I said it wasn?t difficult. But I?d also be lying if I said it didn?t feel nice to see her so comfortable. It?s both.
« Last Edit: March 07, 2016, 11:45:07 AM by MrsDan »
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.


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  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: Both
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2016, 03:20:16 PM »
The bitter and the sweet.  I am glad you are able to see the good things in an otherwise difficult weekend.  We need to allow ourselves to feel the good too.
You will forever be my always.