Author Topic: 2 years today  (Read 1616 times)

Tweety76

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2 years today
« on: March 15, 2016, 04:35:38 AM »
Haven't been around much since August last year when I felt that I needed to distance myself from all the widow boards I belonged to. I have peeked on occasions but ran away fast. It wasn't until a week ago that I started reading again and mostly because I so clearly remembered the vanishing of the old board, the weekend this board was rushed together and then Icoxwell and Baylee for we are so close together in the timeline.

Well, today is the day when the world as I knew it changed forever at 10pm. It's still 11,5 hours to that o'clock. I'm sitting at work in a horrible physical pain that started to creep up on me beginning of December and then has just gotten worse and worse. The same pain I had exactly a year ago. I suppose the purpose of it, is to distract my mind and I think it's working. Feels like crap though.

I read my old posts from the year one and especially my last years "1 year ago today" one and felt so stupid. As if things got better after the one year mark and bs about head full of ideas. The year turned out very different but then again I was in the survival mode and I had to believe in what I told myself and everyone around me. I was still very much messed up yet somehow functioning but how could have I known that. What I've learned that the truth is discovered only in time and only by looking back. I question my feelings and thoughts these days very much given the experience from the past two years.

I'm not actively and consciously grieving anymore but given this pain, I'm blocking something in my head. In time and piece by piece I suppose even that goes away. I'm a bit scared of what year 3 brings and I'm so tired of all the things to be done and not being able to.

I've missed this board even I didn't know it. Was so great to catch up with PJ and Sphock last evening on the chat. Felt right back at home. Don't know how much help I can be to this board but who knows, only time will tell.

Don't really know what was the point of this post but it's way better than the one I wrote on Sunday. Missed you all! <3

Mr C

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Re: 2 years today
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2016, 02:21:34 AM »
((((Tweety)))) Sending you hugs and well wishes for a better year three.
Mrs.C, You have been my Sweetheart, Best Friend and Love since 1987. You will be my Wife forever and ever and ever. Love Always, Mr. C

SoVerySad

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Re: 2 years today
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2016, 07:21:56 AM »
Tweety, I'm sending you love and hugs on this difficult day. I'm glad you are finding comfort being back.
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

Trying

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Re: 2 years today
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2016, 07:56:21 AM »
Welcome back.  I don't think you should feel stupid about how you felt at 1 year or any other time, it is simply where you were at in a given moment and the things you were telling yourself to get through the day.  I work on positive thinking to get me motivated and sometimes it works, other times reality knocks me to my knees and I am right back to guilt and despair and wonder how I had thought life could get better.  But looking back I can see there is an over all healing trend.

I hope year 3 brings you an over all healing and positive trend and improved strength to weather the storms.
You will forever be my always.

Jen

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Re: 2 years today
« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2016, 12:10:19 PM »
(((((((HUGS)))))))))

I'm terribly short of words these days... I'm coming up on 2 years in about 3 weeks, and I'm a mess. :(  Hopefully there will be some light for all of us, and soon...
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

Tweety76

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Re: 2 years today
« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2016, 11:46:31 AM »
(((((((HUGS)))))))))

I'm terribly short of words these days... I'm coming up on 2 years in about 3 weeks, and I'm a mess. :(  Hopefully there will be some light for all of us, and soon...

Hugs Jen! <3

Joeswife

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Re: 2 years today
« Reply #6 on: March 25, 2016, 01:26:06 PM »
I also stepped away at the year mark for many reason and now at the 2 year mark realized how much I missed people who understand the journey.  Hugs to you Tweety

BrokenHeart2

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Re: 2 years today
« Reply #7 on: March 25, 2016, 02:42:59 PM »
Big hugs and welcome back!
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.