Author Topic: Lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly on 2/29, can't function  (Read 5877 times)

MamaZ

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Re: Lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly on 2/29, can't function
« Reply #30 on: April 23, 2016, 01:52:30 PM »
How very sorry that you have joined this club. I could relate to your 20 years of doing EVERYTHING together. That was us. There was nothing I could do in my early widowed days that did not have a ragged, fresh, gaping hole in it. Ten years later, I DO find pleasure in the day to day and find ways to do things without him. It might amaze you when you figure out what you might be willing to try or risk for your baby. Our kids were two great reasons for me to keep going, even when I least wanted to.

Do whatever helps. Sometimes nothing, sometimes old things, sometimes new, weird stuff.

mo12

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Re: Lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly on 2/29, can't function
« Reply #31 on: May 11, 2016, 11:12:29 PM »
I am so, so sorry that you had reason to be here.  My husband died suddenly at age 27 in a skiing accident.  Our daughter was two months old at the time.  That was over 2 years ago, in 2014.  It is a long rough road, grieving while raising a baby, but you can do it.  Once the initial shock passed (which took months for me, but it's different for everyone), I learned to dip my feet into the grief without "falling down the rabbit hole."  I remember looking at my baby girl, seeing how much she was starting to look like him, and being physically in pain at how much I missed her Dad.  Now when she reminds me of him it makes me happy. 
It's not fair that this happened.  I agree with others who have written to ask for help- lots of it.  People mostly want to help but don't know what to do.  Be gentle with yourself, any and all of the intense feelings are normal after this awful loss.  Sending you strength.

AbidingTime

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  • Help of the helpless, Lord abide with me
Re: Lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly on 2/29, can't function
« Reply #32 on: May 14, 2016, 10:47:07 PM »
I am truly sorry.  I know that it has already been said but I think it is worth repeating - there is no imperative for you to "manage" your way out of this.  The world out there looking in at you is tainted by an amalgam of therapeutic and clinical advice.  This is America.  You are expected to manage your way from a to b. To "make progress" - move forward, get better.
You don't have to do anything you don't want to.  If you don't feel like getting better you don't have to right now.  If you want to wallow, wallow in it.  Throw a fit? Go for it.  Sit on the floor of the closet and stare at the clothes hanging there?  Go ahead and take your time doing it.
Don't you worry about measuring up to expectations or setting yourself on someone else's progress path.

Tatianakm

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Re: Lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly on 2/29, can't function
« Reply #33 on: June 07, 2016, 10:12:43 PM »
In about an hour it will be my first wedding anniversary without him; 19 years. Even though I manage to hold it together in public for the most of the time, shit, I MISS HIM !!! Miss his jokes, his antics, his hands, his smile, his scent, his voice. Happy Anniversary, my love, one day we will be whole again.
To the whole world you were one person; to me you were the whole world.

AubreeAnn

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Re: Lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly on 2/29, can't function
« Reply #34 on: June 07, 2016, 10:34:52 PM »
I feel so much pain for you because I feel the same. The wanting of everything about him. Sending big hugs to you and your baby. (((((HUGS)))))

Tatianakm

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Re: Lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly on 2/29, can't function
« Reply #35 on: June 27, 2016, 09:46:51 PM »
Approaching 4 months mark- feels like an eternity, but it was only 4 months ago I was happy and thriving. I actually started to feel a bit better; work and my daughter are occupying my mind for the most  part and I keep it together. 29th is approaching I am feeling shitty again, can't concentrate, can't stand people talking about meaningless stuff, can't tolerate being around other couples... I miss him so much, sit in his truck often, it still smells like his cologne and tobacco, he was secretly smoking, he thought he was invincible. The events split into two separate realms: before his death and after. Lonely, empty, unengaged, guilty of feeling so because of my little girl, yet can't do anything about apathy, don't eat, eat too much, trying hard not to drink. Why is it getting harder?
To the whole world you were one person; to me you were the whole world.

TofinoMan

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Re: Lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly on 2/29, can't function
« Reply #36 on: June 28, 2016, 12:23:31 AM »
Tatiana, I am sorry for your loss.
Just never lose focus of the treasure that is your baby.
That is the miracle your husband left behind for you.
I have a daughter named Boo, a dog called Stick, and a truck named Zane Grey. My neighbors think I am nuts when they hear me yell Boo and Stick get in Zane.
Best part is neighbors leave the crazy guy alone.....