Author Topic: Polarbear's post one week after we started talking  (Read 2622 times)


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Polarbear's post one week after we started talking
« on: March 08, 2015, 07:50:56 PM »
John?s YWBB post a week after we started talking, on a "Dating for newbies" thread:

"I have been all over the place on this lately, but feel content this morning after much reflection. I have rediscovered how good it feels to have genuinely life-affirming interactions, indeed quality conversations with a quality person can and have made me feel alive again. There is a powerful, powerful urge for intimacy - both physical and mental - within me that is natural and normal. Without question intimacy of both kinds will be part of my healing and growth. The exhilaration and anxiety associated with this urge are also natural and normal. There is much opportunity for pain for myself or others I might interact with, and I am on very shaky legs like a newborn colt. The void left when Cheryl died is immense and will never be filled - in fact to try and do so would be both demeaning to the love we shared and to any new person in my life. However, I also feel that my capacity for compassion and intimacy and vulnerability and love remain and in some ways have grown. It is clear that I must be gentle with myself and gentle with others, and particularly gentle about developing hopes and expectations for myself or for others. I have moved from not feeling there would be much of a future for me without my beloved to awareness that the future has many pathways leading to it, and the change is confusing and scary but inevitable. Acceptance of this rather bewildering new life, and of my fears and hopes and needs, is the key. This acceptance can only be obtained through patience and serenity and confidence that healthy life and love await when it is time. The saying ?when the student is ready the teacher will appear? is just as apt when applied to love and romance. I may already know my next lover, perhaps even someone reading this, or she may be someone I have yet to meet, and the transition from separateness to togetherness will be a delightful and exciting and scary part of the larger journey I am making to fulfillment. I don?t anticipate putting myself out on dating sites and such, but I can?t say I never will. After all, I met the greatest love of my life so far on the personal pages of a newspaper.

It?s rather like when I was young and horny and curious and didn?t know what to do yet being thrust into adulthood in a terrifying yet delicious world full of women. That said, there are three critical differences between now and then - all of which are legacies of my 19-year love affair with Cheryl. First, I know I can love, fully and deeply and sensitively and passionately, and contribute to the happiness and pleasure of another. Second, I know that I am lovable, deserving of love, interesting, attractive, and engaging. Third, after the trauma of her death, rejection and heartbreak have lost much of their sting. I don?t mind taking risks for the sake of happiness.

Bottom line: I want to love and be loved in all ways, and believe that I will again have passion and romance in my life."

Two short weeks later, he flew out to meet me and our love story took off.  John was a mere 2 months out at this point.  I was six months out.  363 days later, we were married.  He was a keeper, for sure.  I'm really missing him today.  Thanks for listening.  It seems I need ears today.

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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Re: Polarbear's post one week after we started talking
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2015, 11:44:08 PM »
I'm glad you pulled this over and shared, M.  John's words are so beautiful, especially knowing what the coming days would be for the both of you. If only...  ((((hugs))))

Earlier today it struck me anew the enormity of what we are losing with the closure of ywbb. So much history, so much healing, so much friendship. I went searching for some words from KC's own k a gill, whom we lost in the early summer of 2011. She was a very veteran member with the biggest heart...we adored that girl. It's deeply painful to lose her AND her words of comfort and hope. Somehow bits and pieces of all of us are on that board, along with the loved ones we've shared by way our deepest words of pain and mourning. Losing John's thoughts in his words adds to your loss of that dear man and I am profoundly, profoundly sorry.

Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale. -Anonymous

And sometimes it can give a second. -Me

RWV 7/7/56-4/13/09 I would have waited forever.


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Re: Polarbear's post one week after we started talking
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2015, 07:12:50 AM »
Beautiful words, Maureen... Just breathtaking to read!!  John was an amazing man!  I am so glad you shared and are able to keep these letters of his. :)
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.


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Re: Polarbear's post one week after we started talking
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2015, 08:20:40 AM »
Having met John and seen the two of you together, I can't help but comment that you two were destined to be together -- if only for a short time. For the few years you had together, you lived a lifetime of memories. None of us knows how much time we will be given with the person we love. That is why we need to remember - each and every day -- what it means to live and to love. Even through the pain, I never regretted any of the time I spent with Mick. In it for life! Good times and bad. That's what we sign up for, right?

Thanks for sharing John's beautiful post. It shows the power of hope ... and love.

I still think of you, Mick...every SINGLE day!


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Re: Polarbear's post one week after we started talking
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2015, 09:16:48 AM »
Maureen, that is just beautiful. Thank you for sharing those words with us.

My heart holds your heart close and sends big hugs.



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Re: Polarbear's post one week after we started talking
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2015, 10:09:11 AM »
Thanks for posting


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Re: Polarbear's post one week after we started talking
« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2015, 12:18:11 PM »
Hang on M. This sharing is beautiful. There is a lot if love here for you.
"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡


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Re: Polarbear's post one week after we started talking
« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2015, 01:12:43 PM »
Reading this makes me smile.  It is easy to see the love that is there.  I am sorry that YWBB has shut down and that there is the possibility that you will lose some of the history that you and your love shared.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.