Author Topic: 11 Months  (Read 1425 times)

Dark Rose

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11 Months
« on: April 03, 2016, 01:33:31 AM »
It has been 11 months, It's hard to imagine really. I have lost my sense of time since I lost him and not sure if that has helped....

I really didn't think I would be able to make it. But I am still around. I was told things would get better. In some ways they have. I can appear human with more ease, but I am now afraid to look within myself and that huge hole within me that stirs around whereever I go. I don't quite recognize myself anymore.. I am no longer a wife, no longer filled with constant love and affection. I am now incomplete, unsure, and lonely.  I have no idea what the future awaits, I am still taking it day by day. Today feels really hard...

Was this time hard on anyone else?
Forever incomplete, and broken without you....


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Re: 11 Months
« Reply #1 on: April 03, 2016, 03:12:32 AM »
Yes, it was a hard time for me as well. I think it has been common for others as well. Time is a very weird thing for many after being widowed. Some things feel so long and others short. I think having to stay in the day to day to survive affects this. I'm sorry it is all feeling so hard right now and that you are hurting so.

Sending you a tight hug...
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.


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  • Widowed 2013
Re: 11 Months
« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2016, 08:24:57 AM »
Yes, it was very difficult for me as well. I can relate to everything you said. One day at a time is all we can do.
Big hugs DR
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.


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Re: 11 Months
« Reply #3 on: April 03, 2016, 08:57:52 AM »
yes it was so hard
you explained it so well .
the not knowing who we are now
at the beginning you are supposed to just get up and get through minute by minute
now that we have gotten through that, it seems its day to day
some moments my mind goes to what is ahead and I become paralyzed
someone once posted "its hard to look ahead when all you want is to go back "
take care

My everything


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Re: 11 Months
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2016, 11:12:18 AM »
Approaching and reaching one year were very hard for me.  I felt I was about to be and then was exiled from intense mourning, and didn't want to venture out into the land of the living and wasn't ready.  I felt like I was grieving grieving, too, if that makes any sense.  There was something safe and comforting about the horrible, painful grief - I didn't HAVE to envision a future, I didn't HAVE to reenter society, I didn't HAVE to feel pressure to rebuild a life and have hope, etc.  We live so much in our own minds and in our own expectations (even our own expectations of what others' expectations could be)....  Yes, that time period was very hard for me.  I spent the first year saying kaddish (the Jewish mourning prayer) for him and when the traditional first year was over, I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.  Exiled and flung out is the best description for how I felt.  At first, from him, and then at a year, from ritual mourning. 
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

Dark Rose

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Re: 11 Months
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2016, 01:46:05 AM »
Mizpah I can relate so much....
Thanks for the kind words everyone, it's good to feel understood..
One day at a time it is :(
Forever incomplete, and broken without you....