Author Topic: I'm back...  (Read 1278 times)

piecesofapart

  • Member
  • Posts: 46
I'm back...
« on: April 10, 2016, 11:04:45 AM »
Hi All,
Just feel the need to be around those who truly get it. Your posts have helped me so very much.

I was doing well for a while and now it's just hitting me hard again.
(I was a part of the first boards- as "OneNow" and then when this new board started I was "HoldingOn"- but I forgot the password and closed the e-mail associated with it..in any case- I had to re-join- so here I am as Pieces-of-"a/part".

I know it's not healthy to go round and round about what happened- on that day- and the weeks/days leading up- but I guess my brain still wants to /needs to process it? My husband of 17 years (together 20 years) passed on about 2 years and 8 months ago. He was mentally ill for almost all of our time together- the last 3 the worst. The last year he was just so sick- hardly ate or went out- stayed in bed most of the day. I knew it was going to come...he tried many times before- but this last time he made sure it would be the last time.

I still beat myself up about the things I did/said - and it kills me I can't go back and change them. The other day I was lost in thoughts and I heard his voice say..If your love could have saved me- I would have been the happiest person.  So I am holding on to that..but some days it still just gets to me....

Anyway, just wanted to say Hi again- and I hope I can be the support you've all been to me at some point...and here's to better days.. as they will surely come...hopefully sooner than later...

Wheelerswife

  • Member
  • Posts: 1067
  • Widowed x 2.
Re: I'm back...
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2016, 12:06:07 PM »
Welcome back.  I didn't lose either of my husbands to suicide, but I still wonder what I could have done to recognize my second husband's unknown health issues.  I know it isn't the same, but I think it is pretty normal for us to need to reprocess this over and over. 

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

Forgottenwife

  • Member
  • Posts: 121
Re: I'm back...
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2016, 01:23:19 PM »
Hi piecesofapart, welcome back. This roller coaster of grief is hard, I'm glad we can still come here.

BrokenHeart2

  • Member
  • Posts: 956
  • Widowed 2013
Re: I'm back...
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2016, 02:18:12 PM »
Wecome back piecesofapart. I too am so glad we can come here and share this shitty journey and support each other!
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

piecesofapart

  • Member
  • Posts: 46
Re: I'm back...
« Reply #4 on: April 25, 2016, 08:21:36 PM »
Thanks everyone...appreciate it...and as sad as it is..glad we have each other for support.

Having a better week..hope it sticks for a while- because once I'm back in the pit...it gets deep... and your support here helps me climb out...or stay sane until I can gather the mindset to climb out again...

Wishing you all peace....