Author Topic: 2nd Year is harder  (Read 4731 times)

look2thesky

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Re: 2nd Year is harder
« Reply #15 on: March 27, 2015, 10:20:57 AM »
After a year of firsts, reality sets in. 2nd harder than the first, then it becomes more complacent. Not resolution but it eased over the third year. I think it then become a cycle of ups and downs, but the ups became more frequent.

marian1953

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Re: 2nd Year is harder
« Reply #16 on: March 27, 2015, 01:18:18 PM »
year two just sucked donkey balls. Peter wasn't coming back, the lawsuit shit brought me to my knees every time I got an email or letter from either parties. I thought I had to do so much work to clear my husband's good name but that was the attornies task. . It was the beginning of the third year- he died on New  Year's Day, so I was like the Ancient Mariner or something to my friends, so no Christmas or New Year's Eve invites.. The third year I actually went to the dog park - in the Santa Monica Mountains, and I didn't have a dog- and just wished everyone in sight Happy New Year! That was the start of the change for me.
Marian

Baylee627

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  • Widowed on 3/13/14
    • dawiddahood
Re: 2nd Year is harder
« Reply #17 on: March 30, 2015, 10:25:37 AM »
I'm finding this to be valid. Honestly, I couldn't have dreamed any subsequent year could be worse than the first. Cut to the lead-up to the year anniversary, the day itself, and now, a couple weeks after, and I'm a hot mess. The epic downward spiral commenced just after the New Year.

And is still in full swing.

The stark and uncompromising reality that DH is never coming back, and doesn't even inhabit this earth just overwhelms me. And undoes me.

Baylee

Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

Ursula

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Re: 2nd Year is harder
« Reply #18 on: March 30, 2015, 12:58:15 PM »
Dear all, I can relate to bits of all your postings. The first year was a survival camp, now it is surviving and trying to find some joy and stuff that makes me happy even for the slightest moment in a bleakness I never thought I could find myself in. I am meant to be a happy person, not a miserable one!!! I am angry at fate or life or whatever it is. And I am so deeply frustrated, I don't know how to ever get out of it. I am having 'good' times, but my inside is just so broken. It surfaces when there are moments of stress in my response to it. A lot of you have spoken about the finality of things, and how palpable it becomes now. I survived the 1st year anniversary and now I cannot think about the future without a cramp in my stomach. My tear glands are hypertrophied I am sure, they have produced so many tears over the last year. I cried an ocean. and yes, after a year 'it's about time to come round' , no? I have stopped listening to how people respond and I have written to a very insensitive friend how her actions have thrown me back....I haven't heard from her for weeks and she is an avid blogger and very versatile in her written expression....oh , never mind. I have learnt to stick to the people who care and try to express and communicate with me. 
I have come to realize what I have read a lot about early on, when I did not believe this was possible, that it does get a bit easier, the coping and the playing at life, but really, it hurts as it always has. I must find a way out of this misery, because it does not help anybody, least myself. Knowing how would be a great start....hugs to all of you.
Por que tu fuego a?n me quema, sin ti las noches son eternas,
tu aroma sigue aqu?, no me deja ir.. Por m?s que intente y quiera olvidarte, yo nunca lograre dejarte, cautivo de este amor sincero esclavo de tu voz.. Por que estoy am?ndote, so??ndose, aunque no est?s aqu?..
Y yo te esperare, amor aunque los a?os lleguen sin querer (Marc Anthony)

CBB

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Re: 2nd Year is harder
« Reply #19 on: March 30, 2015, 02:29:09 PM »
Hugs to everyone,

Year two has been a rollercoaster for sure. After the first year I figured ok..all the firsts are out of the way. This next year should go smoother. But as many of us here know and have said, that wasn't the case. It is still throwing me curves and finally striking me out five months ago. It felt like I started back at square one again. Compounded grief? Oh I think so.

I am learning slowly like Toosoon stated that it isn't just widowhood that is sucking just that life happens and can sometimes suck. BIG time. I am hoping and praying for all of us here we get more glimpses of happiness and our burdens become fewer in the future. I cling to that hope with every ounce of strength I have left. I am very grateful to have others here on this board to share and to listen when I feel so alone.


Huge hugs, Cyndi

 
I am different! How could I not be?

Grammy

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Re: 2nd Year is harder
« Reply #20 on: April 03, 2015, 06:59:26 PM »
(((((Hugs)))))  The second year was much harder than the first for me.  Hang on!!!! It does get easier, everyone just travels this journey at their own pace.  Sometimes it one step forward, two steps back.  It is okay to have days when you just need to breathe.  (((((Hugs)))))

linda5

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Re: 2nd Year is harder
« Reply #21 on: April 03, 2015, 09:56:30 PM »
Just had my 2 year sadiversary in March.  Two years sucked for me, because like some of you said, everyone thinks we healed by now, and we can't tell them how we really feel.  I found out if I went out with friends and had a good time, laughed, and just really enjoyed myself, the next day would be hell!  I would cry all day long.  It was like my brain was punishing me for being able to forget for just a little while that my husband died.  Just starting into that third year (can I really have survived this long without him?), and have smaller crying spells now.  I'm mostly able to go out and not punish myself the next day.  Wishing you all peace and comfort.

Ursula

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Re: 2nd Year is harder
« Reply #22 on: April 23, 2015, 12:28:25 AM »
very much in tune with what most of you say here. Yes, somehow the first year a survival trip, and there was an unspoken promise that things would get better once that was through. Unfortunately not so. Have come to realize that yes, this pain may turn into an ache, but it will be there forever. Brandished forever. Won't go away, e v e r.  This is my life now. I am reduced to someone constantly on the edge of collapse , for minor things, things that should not get to me, but they do and big time.
And knowing, that I cannot ever be the person I was before. That the positive surge I always felt in me, has gone. I have totally lost my red thread, that used to pull me through life (if you know what I mean, something like my will and want for life). Now? I have to raise our child, I cry every evening when he says good night to his papa, because I hate fate for taking him away from him and he is just a small child. I cannot think ahead into the future anymore, it suffocates me to think ahead more than a month. And yes, it is very lonely , incredibly and unsupportably lonely.  Oh yes, after a year one should be about over it (I hear it, without people saying anything)...
Hanging in there, just.
Por que tu fuego a?n me quema, sin ti las noches son eternas,
tu aroma sigue aqu?, no me deja ir.. Por m?s que intente y quiera olvidarte, yo nunca lograre dejarte, cautivo de este amor sincero esclavo de tu voz.. Por que estoy am?ndote, so??ndose, aunque no est?s aqu?..
Y yo te esperare, amor aunque los a?os lleguen sin querer (Marc Anthony)