Author Topic: I don't know how the kids are doing.  (Read 821 times)

akalei30

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I don't know how the kids are doing.
« on: April 19, 2016, 01:38:56 AM »
Everyone is asking me "how are the kids doing?"

I said "it's hard to tell" most times but I really don't know.
And I don't know what's normal and what's not.

I told them the truth of exactly what happened.

It's only been 2 weeks. So it's still fresh.

My 7yo she has aspergers. But isn't in any therapy. (That's a whole other story and something I've been working on)

But shes never cried and seems to almost not care at all. When I ask her if she misses dad she just says "yes" in kinda a cold almost rehearsed way. She didn't see him at the hospital either. The child psych at the hospital spoke with her but she didn't speak back to her. She just kept looking like she was spaced out. The same thing happened when the school counselor spoke with her.

Then my almost 4yo is always talking about dad. But as if he is still around
 Like "I can't go pee cause daddy is in the washroom". She saw him in the hospital.  She always says he is sleeping in the sky and smiles looking up.
But within the last 2 days she suddenly has an invisible friend named "susie" and has been saying she and me and other people are going to "died" it's kinda creepy. And shes a year delayed in speech so all this talking is also new for her. This morning she was saying she was cold.  So I gave her her sweater. She then said "I was cold and I died" a bit later she said something about me having hurt legs and died as well.
She also says creepy stuff about susie. Last night at bedtime she told me "susie has broken hands and wants to rip off your tattoo"


Portside

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Re: I don't know how the kids are doing.
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2016, 06:20:48 AM »
Yeah, what is normal anyway? The kids are probably okay although it may not seem that way.

It's not at all uncommon for some children to have invisible friends. It's just a way for them to deal with stress and things they don't understand fully. If your DD has her 'friend' into middle school and beyond, that would be noteworthy and you'd need to take some further action.

My son went full non-verbal after his mother died (he was nine at the time) and remained so for 5-6 months. I mean he didn't say a word. He could sit there for a full hour and not say anything to his therapist. She did all the talking. It worried me but he came out of it without issue and went on to become a productive, happy teenager, and now, adult.

I know it's scary but if you continue to remain engaged with them, they'll most likely be fine.

Good luck - Mike
The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

daysofelijah

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Re: I don't know how the kids are doing.
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2016, 08:49:17 AM »
My four year old dd also talks about death in odd of silly ways that aren't really appropriate. I think it's partly just the age and learning what's appropriate and what's not. Like yesterday we played a long game of "would you rather..." and she said some of the goofiest things. "Would you rather die in 10 hours, or 100 days?" for example.

My kids have all gone through the grief in very different ways over the last 3.5+ years. And it's a journey that I think will last forever, they have stages where they seem "fine" and then it will come out in unusual or inappropriate behaviors or emotional meltdowns. Two of my kids are still in counseling.

I think you are doing a great job of staying aware of how they are reacting, noting behaviors and being open to getting help if needed. Being only two weeks out things will continue to change and cycle and rise and fall with their grief.
Amy, mom to four (14,13,9,5)

Justin

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Re: I don't know how the kids are doing.
« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2016, 11:13:33 AM »
Regarding your four year-old, I think that it is she is just trying to come to terms with the concept of death and what exactly it means for a person to be dead. I would not worry about this "exploration"; I think it is just her way of trying to grasp the concept.


At almost two years out, I am still doing this, too.
Marsha 1975-2014

"Love is the province of the brave"