Author Topic: Did anyone else feel they were viewed as less of a widow?  (Read 890 times)

KrypticKat

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Did anyone else feel they were viewed as less of a widow?
« on: February 17, 2017, 07:13:49 AM »
I've had some time to reflect on this but has anyone else felt like they were treated as less important in their husbands lives because they hadn't had a chance have children yet? It was subtle at times and sometimes it felt like it was right at my face: the things people would say or do. That I wasn't as significant in my husband's life because we hadn't been together long enough or didn't have the complete family set yet. Even though legally I had the right to make the decisions on my husband's behalf and we knew each other so intimately. Yet because I was young and we didn't have a family yet I was taken as less important by some. Like my love wasn't as meaningful. Did anyone else experience anything like this?

Anna

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Re: Did anyone else feel they were viewed as less of a widow?
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2017, 04:11:46 AM »
I feel the same way @KrypticKat It's like everyone is owning my husband, especially during and after the funeral. I didn't have a say on anything. My husband and I were together for more than 8 years and just got married on 2015. For them, it seems that my time and relationship with him were insignificant. Like it's just a small fraction of his life. We didn't have a child as well. But I have a teenage SD who I am close with but I also feel she doesn't acknowledge the time me and her dad were together. For her, she and her dad and their times they've been together are all that matters. We're supposed to have the baby this year when I lost him suddenly on Dec. 22, 2016 from a heart attack. He was 44 and I am 34, 10 years apart. Their words and actions show that they know my husband better than I am. I don't know if it's just me being over sensitive and emotional. I understand everyone is in pain but rather than doing this why not show compassion and support  for one another, right. I appreciate that each and everyone know my husband personally but no one knows or understands the depths of the love we had for each other. He's my husband, my partner, my best friend, my support, my love, my life and my everything. I have always been generous to share him with everyone that loves him but treating our relationships as less important is very painful to me. I know in my heart that my husband found true love, happiness and peace in me. He came from a bad divorce and bad pasts. It is I where he found a person that loves him unconditionally and true happiness. We plan and building our future together. Now, I am totally impaired, alone and in so much grief. I miss him so much. The thing is as long as we know what we had with our wonderful husbands, no one has any business or the right to make us less important. We have to choose not to let anyone try to take advantage of our vulnerable state.

My heart goes to you.

God bless..

HCE

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Re: Did anyone else feel they were viewed as less of a widow?
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2017, 04:46:40 AM »
I don't know if it's just me being over sensitive

No, your in-laws are being grossly insensitive. Your husband was the love of your life, you knew him more intimately than any of them, and your grief comes first. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that kind of meanness at such a vulnerable time.

because I was young and we didn't have a family yet I was taken as less important by some. Like my love wasn't as meaningful.

That's complete rubbish, isn't it. You don't have to look far to see that having children is no indication of a loving relationship.  My parents, for example....



They lived and laughed and loved and left.

KrypticKat

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Re: Did anyone else feel they were viewed as less of a widow?
« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2017, 06:51:50 PM »
When it comes to his family my friend put it best. Your only an in-law until your an outlaw. People do crazy stuff in grief and it's a shame we can't lift each other up and support one another. I do find even people not close to him can be judgy too. Like bank employees and doctors...

InOverMyHead

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Re: Did anyone else feel they were viewed as less of a widow?
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2017, 12:58:53 PM »
YEEESSSS!!!! The number of times I have been asked "Did you have kids?" and I responded with "No" then they kind of blew off the bomb I just dropped on them.. or they would say "Well that's good".. NO! ITS NOT GOOD! I not only grieved my husband, I also grieved the loss of my unborn children, so FUCK YOU!


Phew.. that felt good to get out :)