Author Topic: Grievance..  (Read 1014 times)

April

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Grievance..
« on: May 03, 2016, 09:56:20 PM »
A vortex where time ceases to exist.. Where from the moment your loved one was lost whether it be a week.. a month.. 1 year or 10.. can feel like yesterday and forever at the same time.. the loss, pain, void.. empty hole in your life doesn’t feel much different then when it first happened but yet.. it feels like it’s been forever since you have seen them.. heard them.. felt them.. smelled them.. where the world is on fast forward but you’re barely moving.. it’s a feeling I can’t articulate exactly.. but you would understand exactly what I’m talking about if you’ve ever experience a loss.
I can’t believe it’s already been a year.. I’m not big on death anniversaries.. I don’t think I ever will be.. because honestly.. today is no different than yesterday and won’t be any different tomorrow… his physical existence is sadly starting to fade.. no more piles of papers on the counter.. no more dirty clothes in his basket, doctor appointments to run to or cigarette butts found on the ground.. his jackets still hang on the hooks he left them on.. their smoky, cologne smell is barely detectable anymore.. Still haven’t slept in our bed.. watched our shows or made his favorite dish.. I can’t seem to stop doing projects.. Subconsciously fixing, filling, working on that void that can never be filled.. at least a lot of things are getting done.. moving on.. but not... moving forward.. always moving forward.. I guess I will eventually get there. 
« Last Edit: May 03, 2016, 10:38:45 PM by April »

BrokenHeart2

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  • Posts: 980
  • Widowed 2013
Re: Grievance..
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2016, 04:46:03 AM »
Hugs to you April. Things will happen when you're ready.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

k3songs

  • Guest
Re: Grievance..
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2016, 07:32:11 AM »
A vortex where time ceases to exist.. Where from the moment your loved one was lost whether it be a week.. a month.. 1 year or 10.. can feel like yesterday and forever at the same time.. the loss, pain, void.. empty hole in your life doesn’t feel much different then when it first happened but yet.. it feels like it’s been forever since you have seen them.. heard them.. felt them.. smelled them.. where the world is on fast forward but you’re barely moving.. it’s a feeling I can’t articulate exactly.. but you would understand exactly what I’m talking about if you’ve ever experience a loss.


Going on 6 years and feel the same.

April

  • Guest
Re: Grievance..
« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2016, 07:42:25 AM »
hugs to you both.. There are two parts of me.. there is this part that is kind of tucked away for when I have time to deal with it and express it.. I avoid moving or changing his things.. because I don't want him to disappear completely.. then there is the other part of me that has to continue.. take care of the house and kids.. their activities and get them through their grief.. I feel like I'm ok.. I know grief can come on in spells.. I lost my father when I was 26.. my husband 4 days after my 40th birthday.. there are things.. sights songs.. smells.. that will trigger tears.. sometimes I avoid them.. sometimes I welcome them.
« Last Edit: May 04, 2016, 07:52:39 AM by April »

Taurus

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  • Posts: 86
Re: Grievance..
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2016, 11:21:22 PM »
hugs to you both.. There are two parts of me.. there is this part that is kind of tucked away for when I have time to deal with it and express it.. I avoid moving or changing his things.. because I don't want him to disappear completely.. then there is the other part of me that has to continue.. take care of the house and kids.. their activities and get them through their grief.. I feel like I'm ok.. I know grief can come on in spells..
..there are things.. sights songs.. smells.. that will trigger tears.. sometimes I avoid them.. sometimes I welcome them.
Could not have expressed it any more vividly. Words just don't quite feel adequate at times..you seems to have a lot of inner strength..be staunch.

April

  • Guest
Re: Grievance..
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2016, 07:36:20 AM »
Thank you Taurus.