Author Topic: "Mommy will I see Daddy again in heaven"  (Read 1398 times)

April

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"Mommy will I see Daddy again in heaven"
« on: May 04, 2016, 09:48:19 AM »
I was raised strict baptist.. my parents always told me you don't go to heaven if you kill yourself.. and I have used that tactic to scare my children far away from ever thinking about hurting themselves.. but now what.. my husband of 14 years.. after battling with war related PTSD and opiate dependency took his own life.  Left me with 4 children to raise on my own.. ages now 18, 12, 10 and 3.. each with their own grief hurtles.. but.. the one I worry about the most.. he was closest to my husband.. he was his world.. my 12 year old son.. says.. "Mom.. I will see Daddy in heaven again.. right".. of course I tell him yes (my Uncle.. the pastor that preached at my husbands funeral.. corrected my misunderstanding of suicide and heaven).. then my son tells me of a story his friend told him.. how a boy wanting to kill himself so he could be with his father.. OMG!!  My heart was in my throat!! I proceeded to tell him how his father would never want that.. that he loved him.. he was just hurting so bad and couldn't take the physical pain he was in anymore.. and to live for him.. he is with you.. so show him all the things he couldn't do.. I later spoke to our grief counselor about this conversation.. and he said.. next time it is brought up.. ask him.. "how do you know you will go to the same part of heaven that your father is in".. which I have.. but.. it's conflicting to "you will see him again one day".. my son since is better.. but.. he's approaching those vulnerable, confusing teen years.. I worry about him... I worry about them all.
« Last Edit: May 04, 2016, 09:50:56 AM by April »

Portside

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Re: "Mommy will I see Daddy again in heaven"
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2016, 10:52:07 AM »
I worry about him... I worry about them all.

Yeah April, that's the worst isn't it? My wife also killed herself and my sons struggled at first too. The good news is that most kids are able to process events, even earth-shattering life events, properly and reach adulthood without issues.

My boys certainly had their issues - my wife did what she did in such a fashion to guarantee that my youngest (then 9) would find her shattered body.   :-[ He didn't speak at all for 3-4 months. But thankfully they have grown into fine young men - happy and productive.

Yours will too - but that doesn't help with our worry does it?

Best wishes - Mike
The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

April

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Re: "Mommy will I see Daddy again in heaven"
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2016, 11:02:07 AM »
Your poor baby that had to find her like that  :'( I am so sorry.

There are more better days then bad days lately.. we talk.. we talk A LOT!!  Most of the time it's the same thing.. sometimes I get tired of repeating myself.. but.. I know they just need reassurance.. I will say it as many times as they need to hear it.

I will always worry.. especially when the years come that they don't want to talk so much (like my 18 year old.. I know he hurts)  at least now.. with the younger ones.. I know whats going on in their heads.

piecesofapart

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Re: "Mommy will I see Daddy again in heaven"
« Reply #3 on: May 11, 2016, 07:04:00 AM »
April I am so sorry for your loss. My husband of 17 years completed suicide in Aug. 2013. It was his 7-8th attempt.  I don't have any children..so sadly no great advise there..but you said several times in your posts you worry...my advise for that is.. worry less...pray more. Wishing you all peace...

Amor

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Re: "Mommy will I see Daddy again in heaven"
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2016, 07:26:52 PM »
My favorite scripture is I Peter 5:6-11.  Giving all of your worries to God and he will take care of you.  He is my only friend open to listen 24/7. 
I wish you and your kids peace. 
Amor