Author Topic: Lifes unrealistic expectation  (Read 5873 times)

April

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Re: Lifes unrealistic expectation
« Reply #45 on: May 18, 2016, 08:51:25 AM »
Thank you Canadiangirl.. I am learning the ropes to this forum.. I hope no one is discouraged from writing exactly how they feel.. Lord knows I wear my emotions on my sleeve.. I don't care too much if someone thinks my emotions are wrong or inappropriate.. especially this past year.. they are what they are and I am not good at hiding or bottling anything.. at all!  So I guess I just assume that's how others are.. even if you're angry.. express it.. get it out and we'll get each other through it.. find the real source of the not so pleasant emotion and extinguish it.
« Last Edit: May 18, 2016, 08:54:24 AM by April »

keeptrying

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Re: Lifes unrealistic expectation
« Reply #46 on: May 19, 2016, 08:45:27 PM »
Positive thoughts, suck it up, move on. It's in the past, get over it. YES! Absolutely! Desperately want to SO SO BAD. Unfortunately I know, and remember what happiness is. I knew what my life was, and now I have no idea where it is going. I force myself to "be happy", move forward, trying to keep my mind so insanely busy so I don't have to "remember" how things were so wonderful and so much easier. I try, I push myself, not just for me and my kids, but for everyone else.. to make "them" happy - I sure don't enjoy waking up feeling the emptiness, the touch of the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. The other half that would help with the children. Forced to remember every month that I should be pregnant, but I am not. Every day I tell myself "positive quotes" and what I am happy for. But after a long day, I head to bed, I have no one to share it with, no one to talk things over with. It is all me. So, chin up, stay positive move forward. That is exactly what I am doing every day of my life.. and wow, that is more work than the every day work I have to do on a daily basis. It gets SO tiring every day putting on the smile for others. Pretending that everything is okay, and I am doing good. On the outside I am fake. And it is because I am telling myself I need to happy, forcing myself to try to be happy. Do what others expect of me. At the end of the day when I am not, I feel like a failure. I failed another day, because even though I acted it, I don't feel it. What is wrong with me? I do not choose to be unhappy. I do, EVERY day take pro active measures to move forward and think positive thoughts, push myself. - My entire being, my everything, my life has completely changed, turned upside down. I am scared, sad, upset, hurt, lonely to mention a small few. It may not be like this forever, I can't predict the future, and I am trying to make the best of it..  but for now, I can not be happy and and be excited for the unknown future, no matter how hard I try.

April

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Re: Lifes unrealistic expectation
« Reply #47 on: May 19, 2016, 09:17:13 PM »
I'm so sorry Keeptrying..  :-[  I don't know what to even say.. except sorry.. I'm sorry if I have implied that anyone is not trying.. this is just what has worked for me..  I wish I had the right words to lift you up.. I know sometimes there are no words and you just need to be held.. lay your head on someones chest and just let go and cry yourself to sleep.

I hope you are or at least will think about talking to someone.. I know it doesn't work for everyone.. our grief counselor just seemed to have the right thing to say.

Hope all your hard positive work starts giving you some positive results.. when my son told me things will never be the same.. I said.. "no they won't ever be the same and nor should they be.. we have to find a new normal".. our world is different then it used to be.. we won't ever be the same kind of happy.. we can't keep looking for it.. we have to be open to a different kind of happy.. I don't think it will ever be as bright.. but maybe just bright enough to keep us out of the dark.

Lot's of hugs <3
« Last Edit: May 19, 2016, 09:44:17 PM by April »

Quixote

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Re: Lifes unrealistic expectation
« Reply #48 on: May 19, 2016, 10:20:06 PM »
I fight depression.  Because of it, I almost lost my dream job, a job I wanted since I was a little boy.  It's hell on my health, and there's days that getting out of the house before noon is a victory.  And that's the way it is now that it's manageable.  Can't take meds-- I've seen psychologists, psychiatrists and grief counsellors.  None of them had anything to say that helped.  The Wellbutrin the psychiatrist gave me numbed me enough to move, but I can't take it and work. 

So I work out, try to eat right and spend a lot of time with animals.  If positive thinking worked, I'd do it. Lord knows I've tried.  But no happy thoughts can banish the awful truth that the best person I've ever known, someone who was the center of my existence (and crazily enough, me of hers) is gone forever and never coming back. 

As I said in another thread, you learn to live with the pain. But some of us can't banish it, or really even diminish it.  Maybe someday, but after five years, I kind of doubt it

SoVerySad

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Re: Lifes unrealistic expectation
« Reply #49 on: May 20, 2016, 12:32:18 AM »
KeepTrying, There is nothing wrong with you. Just because an approach works for one person, does not mean it will work for another. If another's approach doesn't yield the same results for you, it doesn't mean you have failed in any way. That's why it is so important that we don't compare ourselves to each other in the respect of who is grieving "more positively" or not, etc.. Our relationships were all so individual, as are our lives as wids. Some people have a lot of help and support. Others have none, etc..

If it was truly as easy as just choosing to be happy, at least 95% of us would do it I feel safe in guessing. I can't see that many of us would choose the misery so many of us still feel. I usually look at it this way when it comes to the happiness issue - like you, I'm not choosing to be unhappy. For me, it is an important distinction. I'm not choosing to remain unhappy. I'm putting in the time and work to find more happiness. I haven't given up. But, despite my efforts, I remain really sad that my husband isn't here with me. I miss him. I'm lonely for his touch, his winks, his silly antics that brightened up my day, his help in making decisions, his chest to lay my head on, his perfect over easy eggs, etc.. My world is darker and more tiring without him. Apparently my grieving his loss is just taking me longer than it has taken some others. And I'm not viewing that as a failure. It speaks to the relationship we shared, which was uniquely ours.

Sending you tight hugs, KT, and some for your beautiful children as well.
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

SoVerySad

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Re: Lifes unrealistic expectation
« Reply #50 on: May 20, 2016, 12:38:23 AM »
Adding tight hugs for you as well, Quixote.

"But no happy thoughts can banish the awful truth that the best person I've ever known, someone who was the center of my existence (and crazily enough, me of hers) is gone forever and never coming back."

Yes, that is very well said as a representation for how I feel as well. It is that "never" that is the hurdle I can't seem to get over. Sometimes I feel like I'm down to trying to gnaw my way through that hurdle and even that doesn't work.

I'm sorry you can't take the medications with your work, particularly if they could help you find some relief.
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

Jen

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Re: Lifes unrealistic expectation
« Reply #51 on: May 21, 2016, 02:31:53 PM »
I seem to be dealing with year 3 by going mute... I can't seem to find words anymore. Add me to the hugs crowd... tough love doesn't help me, you will never anger or shock me into pulling myself up by my bootstraps. I'm not discounting that approach-- it works for plenty of people, I'm just not one of them.

Anyway... hugs for those who want them. Peace to all.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton