Author Topic: I'm here, but...  (Read 1295 times)

maddiekayesmommy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2
I'm here, but...
« on: March 17, 2015, 10:02:31 PM »
I don't know for how long...

 Its been over 7 years since I lost my husband and daughter. In the last 3 or 4 years I was on the old board maybe once or twice posting. I couldn't even stick around long enough to read anything. I just felt like it wasn't part of my life anymore. Many of the wids that I've met thru BAGOs and such I have on Facebook so its easier to communicate that way. I'm not having to come back to an area that for lack of a better phrase, depressed me. I'm one of those that when I saw the board was closing that I didn't frantically start saving posts, eh they can disappear into oblivion for all I care. I don't want that around for me to read. Hell, I tried reading a few posts tonight and it made my stomach turn. I had to get up from the computer and take a breather.

I skimmed thru the post here in Beyond Active Grieving that everyone was putting their two cents on. I don't necessarily think that those of us further out would be scaring the newbies by posting our experiences. I remember in the first year or so reading posts from people that were further out and thinking, 'Thank God there is hope. I'm not going to feel this way forever."

Now, do I feel relevant to the newly widowed? Eh, yes and no. I say that because I've moved on with life. My widowhood doesn't define me anymore,and for me of all people to say that, yeah. I went from those weeks after the accident of just wanting to put a bullet in my head to now I can think of them both and smile without going into melt down mode. Hell, I saw my in-laws for the first time in 5 years back around New Years. The same people that for years I thought were the Devil. We were all out to dinner with my friends and it was a civil outing. I didn't wanna gouge my eyes out come the end of the night.

I'm registered, and may drop in every now again like a ghost in the night... You may hear from me once a year (anniversary of their death) so at least then you'll know "Oh good, she's still alive" :)


SimiRed

  • Member
  • Posts: 310
  • Widowed 9-19-09 Joined YWBB 10-2009
Re: I'm here, but...
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2015, 06:07:13 AM »
@maddiekayesmommy, Glad to see that you made it here. I remember you from the old board, and it's good to hear that you are doing well.
 

~Tracey~
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.

littlebirdie

  • Guest
Re: I'm here, but...
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2015, 02:30:53 PM »
I'm happy you're doing well. I'm not much for dwelling in the past either. I haven't gone over my old posts or any of that and I'm fine with letting them all fade into nothingness when the board shuts down.

I agree with you about those further out posting. Even when I was newly widowed I loved being able to get a glimpse of the fact that life went on and people recovered and learned how to live again. I never expected it all to be sunshine and roses and wasn't put off by anyone who still struggled.

I don't generally venture into Newly Widowed because I feel like I'm intruding on sacred space, but that's just me. Anyway, I'm glad you're here.