Author Topic: Another Year - and so it goes …  (Read 2414 times)

A Tout Jamais

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Another Year - and so it goes …
« on: June 03, 2016, 05:31:00 AM »


"Je me souviens de toi – Je me souviens de nous …"


Days, Weeks, Months, Years …

Time marches on …
Life turns on its axis
In a steady rhythm
Seasons come and they go

Your absence of presence
Is growing ever larger
And I often wonder
If it was all a dream

Life’s powerful current
Has been steadily flowing
And pulled me along
With its mighty force

Across troubled waters
Around many bends
And far, far away
From “The way we were”

It has changed my view
In how I see the world
And steer my ship
Across the ocean of life

But, Today and Forever
I shall remember
That once we were One,
And I send you my Love!






À tout jamais!
"Tu n'es plus là où tu étais, mais tu es partout là où je suis."
~~ Victor Hugo

"Je me souviens de toi ... Je me souviens de nous  - Il était une fois -  Je me souviens de tout!"

Mrskro

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2016, 07:43:55 AM »
à tout jamais 

that poem is beautiful   

Hugs

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2016, 08:53:36 AM »
ATJ that is beautiful and so true!
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

SoVerySad

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2016, 09:51:50 AM »
Beautifully expressed. I'm glad to see you back.
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

Ginger

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2016, 03:02:15 PM »
(((((D)))))

As only you can do, you found such meaningful words.
Thinking of you today, as we share an anniversary date that we never wanted to have so soon in our lives.
Take care of yourself,
Ginger

Trying

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2016, 04:21:27 PM »
Beautiful
You will forever be my always.

donswife

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2016, 08:28:27 PM »
that was wonderful
you write so beautifully
take care of your self   
My everything

A Tout Jamais

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #7 on: June 05, 2016, 04:03:02 PM »
Thank You to everyone who has so kindly responded to my post! I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness in reaching out and acknowledging my sentiments on this anniversary! As a 'veteran', who is much further out than the majority here, I've grown increasingly ambivalent about expressing my feelings - here or anywhere else. The world expects one to be totally "over it" – impervious to the lingering memories.

Yes, I have created a new life for myself and in the process have emerged with an altered sense of identity. My life has in fact become "much easier" from a practical and outside perspective, after many years of extremely intense caregiving, which taxed my physical, mental and emotional capacity to the outer limits - although I would do it again without hesitation!

As a childless woman, this new life has granted me total freedom to forge my own path and to boldly experiment along the way if I so choose, doing things I would never have considered before. It has made me more daring in certain aspects and defiantly non-conformant to society's expectations and doctrines. My current life, and the many turns it has taken, resembles NOTHING of its former structure. I have made some impressive strides in unexpected areas, but also have stumbled many times along the way and made mistakes.

While I want to live in the present and be cognizant and grateful for my new blessings, my mind is inexorably drawn back by a magnetic force, each time the anniversaries approach. My subconscious psyche travels back in time and retrieves memories – some quite painful, others that make me wistfully sigh.

"The memory presents to us not what we choose, but what it pleases."
~~ Michel De Montaigne

Yes, Monsieur Montaigne, I can attest to the veracity of that statement!

So, even after all these years I am still affected by anniversaries, most significantly by the one of his death. It descends upon me like a gathering storm, which I cannot outrun. BUT, I also want to give recognition to him so that he is NOT forgotten, by at least ONE!

In my daily life I hardly ever invoke my husband's name or even refer to his erstwhile existence, since he is now irrelevant to the world and the people surrounding me. It often feels as if I live a dual existence – one visible, "shiny and new"  -  the other hidden deep inside, obscured from the world and those in my circle.

We all know that our earthly sojourn is temporary and fleeting from the universal perspective, but the lives of the departed were cut off even more prematurely by Life's powerful and merciless executioner at his own whim. Those who are no longer here also had hopes and dreams, which never came to fruition, and it saddens my heart. Life is a gamble and thus inherently unfair. Therefore, I feel that it is important to "Never Forget" and remember those who have lost at "the game of life".





"No day shall erase you from the memory of time."

Memorial Wall inscription in the 911 museum in NYC.

That sentiment is very poignant and seems quite appropriate, irrespective of the precipitating circumstances of each loss.

The departed loved ones may no longer be the "sine qua non" for our daily survival, nor constantly preoccupy our mind as in the early days, but they can still hold a special place in our heart. Moving forward, yet still remembering and missing HIM, is not mutually exclusive - at least not for THIS woman!

Again, I wish to express my gratitude to those who listened to my sentiments documented here, and took the time to acknowledge my outpouring with kindness and generosity of the heart! Most of the world cannot even remotely relate to my feelings at this point, and it makes for great inner loneliness and a sense of isolation.




May your own path be filled with light
and take you to a bright and happy future!


I bid you Peace.

ATJ


Sundry anniversary reflections of a former caregiver and ‘SOS’
« Last Edit: June 06, 2016, 07:04:22 AM by A Tout Jamais »
"Tu n'es plus là où tu étais, mais tu es partout là où je suis."
~~ Victor Hugo

"Je me souviens de toi ... Je me souviens de nous  - Il était une fois -  Je me souviens de tout!"

marjoe

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2016, 04:06:35 PM »
Blessings to you, ATJ. The 8th anniversary (WTF!) is coming up in less than a month, and I can relate to so much of what you've said. I appreciate your thoughts - they put into words what I'm sometimes at a loss to say. Thank you!

WifeLess

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2016, 08:34:21 AM »
ATJ,

Your beautiful posts have been a source of inspiration for countless members, both on the old YWBB and now here. And since I have long been among them, I am very grateful to you.

I wish you peace as you begin another year.

--- WifeLess

canadiangirl

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2016, 02:23:30 PM »
ATJ, so nice to see you. Thank you for the beautiful poem and images.

Mizpah

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2016, 03:11:31 PM »

In my daily life I hardly ever invoke my husband's name or even refer to his erstwhile existence, since he is now irrelevant to the world and the people surrounding me. It often feels as if I live a dual existence – one visible, "shiny and new"  -  the other hidden deep inside, obscured from the world and those in my circle.


I can certainly relate to this duality
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

A Tout Jamais

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #12 on: June 07, 2016, 06:41:45 PM »


One of the greatest gifts is a listening ear and an understanding heart.


@marjoe and @WifeLess –

Your very kind words touched my heart. Thank you so much for that! It is especially meaningful coming from two other ‘veterans’ who have walked this rough and bumpy road for a long time as well, even as our individual experiences are unique.

@canadiangirl and @Mizpah

Thank you for reaching out and 'hearing me’! - 

It brings comfort and encouragement to know that one's feelings STILL resonate with some former travel companions and even those whose sad journey began years after mine.



Wishing all of you Peace and many Blessings!

ATJ :)
"Tu n'es plus là où tu étais, mais tu es partout là où je suis."
~~ Victor Hugo

"Je me souviens de toi ... Je me souviens de nous  - Il était une fois -  Je me souviens de tout!"

cathyr

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #13 on: June 07, 2016, 10:10:31 PM »
Sending you warm hugs, (((((D))))). 
Your eloquent posts always speak to my heart, especially today on the eve of the 9th year of the passing of my dear husband, Robert. 
The heart always remembers and will forever love.

 

Thank you for your gorgeous and touching post.  May peaceful memories of your beloved surround you in the "days, weeks, months, and years" ahead.

Warmly,
Cathy

A Tout Jamais

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Re: Another Year - and so it goes …
« Reply #14 on: June 08, 2016, 12:41:07 AM »
((Cathy,))

Your warm response to my post is deeply appreciated. Thank you so much for that! You, too, have been a fellow wanderer on this long and winding road, and it makes it less lonely knowing that those who were present in the beginning and witnessed the evolving life stories do still remember.




As your 9th anniversary approaches and your mind travels back in time,
my heart reaches out to yours and wishes you Peace and Tranquility.


ATJ
« Last Edit: June 08, 2016, 04:57:27 PM by A Tout Jamais »
"Tu n'es plus là où tu étais, mais tu es partout là où je suis."
~~ Victor Hugo

"Je me souviens de toi ... Je me souviens de nous  - Il était une fois -  Je me souviens de tout!"