Author Topic: Do I have to take off my rings?...  (Read 4190 times)

Max2507

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Re: Do I have to take off my rings?...
« Reply #15 on: June 08, 2016, 10:32:54 AM »
Everyone is different and you will somehow know when its right for you whether its tomorrow or 50 years from now. You may take them off and change your mind or wear them on your other hand. I wore mine for over two years then it was summer and I was kayaking a lot so I would take them off for that. After a three day camping trip I just left them off. Also was horrified one day when someone asked me if I had remarried. I want to make a ring out of the diamonds from my ring and his so I can still wear my beautiful diamond.

Catnip

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Re: Do I have to take off my rings?...
« Reply #16 on: June 08, 2016, 01:03:59 PM »
I still wear both my engagement ring and wedding band on my left hand as always, right where he put them. It’s been 9 years for me. My wedding band is engraved with his initials to me. It's his gift to me. I guess it’s a tribute to our 26 year marriage. I feel safe with them on.

At the funeral home, minutes before they closed the casket, the director asked me if I wanted his ring. I had never given it a thought. Before I could even respond, my three sons, ages 17, 20 and 22 all said “NO! You gave it to him and it’s his.” So I said, “Then I want to be buried with mine.” So it went with him.

I don’t see the difference of moving them to my right hand. Some countries have the right hand as the traditional way to wear them. Rather, I have added a widow ring to my two rings. It’s a black band that looks like an anniversary ring. I found it on line at www.expressionsofgrief.com.

I did date another widower for about one month. I would take my rings off then, but would hurry home and put them right back on. I have tried taking them off to go shopping, and I have another pretty ring I wear then. But I always put my wedding ring right back on the minute I get home.

Guess I still feel married in my heart. And that's probably why I'm the one that ended my dating. He was getting too close and too smothering for me. Guess I just wasn't that into him. 
You left and forgot to tell my heart how to live without you.

Johannus

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Re: Do I have to take off my rings?...
« Reply #17 on: June 14, 2016, 05:40:42 AM »
I've been asking myself this very question, especially in the first few months. Will I ever take it off, and if yes, when?

I'm at 11 months now, and I'm still wearing it. Without I feel naked. And, I've had the same experience as described before: Not 'married', not divorced, nor single dad.. 

I did come across situations where my ring helped me... or others, to understand, or to notice something wasn't normal. And I was relieved actually, that I hadn't been put inside the 'divorced' group. Where divorced people have there own trouble, loosing your loved one to death just isn't the same.

Now, at the moment, I'm experiencing something that could be described as some sort of new relationship. I've thought about what she would think about my ring.. but she's totally okay with it.  She knows what I'm going through, and personally I'm not feeling ready for something new yet.  But thoughts have come now,... and I think I can't ever take it off.   

If I ever was to re-marry again, I would be replacing the ring for a tattoo-ring ,. and I would wear the new ring over it.

MrsDan

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Re: Do I have to take off my rings?...
« Reply #18 on: July 08, 2016, 01:12:45 PM »
It will be four years for me in October. I stopped wearing it at the end of last year when I started seeing my boyfriend. At first I would just take it off before dates, and alternate between my right and left hand. But I became worried I'd forget before going out with my boyfriend, and I really liked him. (I did forget with one date, but there was no spark there, at least for me; he asked me out again despite my blunder). Then boyfriend and I became serious. He has never seen my rings. He has always been extremely supportive and compassionate about my husband, but it doesn't feel fair to wear them in front of him. There was a time when I could never imagine taking them off. But now I identify as much as N's girlfriend as I do Dan's wife. So I'm actually okay with not wearing them, but one thing is I can still feel them. Even though I have not worn them in six months. And my daughter occasionally asks about them, gets upset at times even.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.

MrsDan

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Re: Do I have to take off my rings?...
« Reply #19 on: July 08, 2016, 01:40:24 PM »
I realized I didn't really answer your question. No, I don't think it's weird at all. It's not weird to take them off, it's not weird to wear them the rest of your life. If you ever decide to pursue a relationship, you can decide how that will impact your decision then. I have never discussed this issue with my boyfriend. I felt comfortable taking them off, so I didn't feel the need to have the conversation. But if I hadn't felt comfortable, I would have discussed it with him.

I also still refer to Dan as my husband, and his family as my inlaws. In situations where people are not aware of my circumstances, I will often say late husband, just because it might confusing to refer to my husband and my boyfriend in the same conversation. I felt a little self conscious about doing this with my boyfriend's circle, but not as much anymore. If any of them should ever voice a problem with it I will address it then . But his mother is married to a widower, so that might be part of it. And his stepsister and I were talking one time and she referred to my husband, not my late or ex. My husband. Which I appreciate. Sometimes people refer to me as a single mother, and I'm not nuts about that. It bothers me less then it used to; my brother referred to me that way immediately and that really bothered me.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.

TofinoMan

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Re: Do I have to take off my rings?...
« Reply #20 on: July 08, 2016, 11:39:02 PM »
Nobody has the right to tell you to wear them or not wear them.
The decision is wholly yours and yours alone!
I have a daughter named Boo, a dog called Stick, and a truck named Zane Grey. My neighbors think I am nuts when they hear me yell Boo and Stick get in Zane.
Best part is neighbors leave the crazy guy alone.....

SemperFidelis

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Re: Do I have to take off my rings?...
« Reply #21 on: July 28, 2016, 01:29:39 PM »
OP, keep them on until it feels right to do otherwise. You will know when the time is right.

Me, I moved it to another finger after a month..... For some reason I had the thought that I did not want to be in denial or something..... I was hard on myself in that way I guess. In hindsight, I wish I had worn it on the ring finger longer....only because I work with the public and I really have hated the way the ring change makes my personal life public. Worse yet is the thought that someone might think I just went through a divorce....that disgusts me.

I wore his band and dogtag around my neck for about seven months or so.....I kept it tucked in, because I didn't want to make a spectacle of it.

I met my ch2 after my own band was on a new finger, so he only had to contend with me wearing the husband's ring and dogtag. I am amazed by the graciousness he had with this.

I have also felt strongly through all this that my husband would support me moving forward. He would want someone to come along and cherish me.

I also did feel still like a wife to my husband for about nine months..... And still, I feel like a wife but maybe not necessarily with a husband....if that makes sense. I walk, talk, and otherwise conduct myself like a wife.... I don't really know any other way. My ch2 is benefiting from this I think.

I also still call my husband exactly that....my husband. He's not late for anything. He's dead. So for unknowing ears I might use the words "dead husband" but for those who know, I do say husband.

MrsDan, I appreciate your feedback and experiences. I am 9months in with ch2 and have met his family but they don't know I am a widow yet....  I am all in all just very confused and curious how you blend families when one of the family members is a ghost. It's just an odd dynamic and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable while at the same time maintaining honor for my husband.

Julester3

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Re: Do I have to take off my rings?...
« Reply #22 on: August 22, 2016, 10:43:24 PM »
I think this moment comes at different times for different people and it depends how you feel. I am only 4.5 months out as a widow and I actually decided to no longer wear my rings anymore. At first, I changed from my usual engagement and wedding rings to simply just my anniversary band that I tended to wear when my fingers would swell a bit. Just before my birthday in July, I finally transitioned to neither wedding nor anniversary ring. I wear a simple sterling silver multi-banded ring that I can fiddle with. With my husband now gone by circumstances we couldn't control, I honestly didn't feel married anymore. I felt forcibly detached from him. Death did part us so it felt like I was lying to myself wearing those rings. This is just my personal acceptance. There is no wrong or right way - it's what is best for you.

MFed420

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Re: Do I have to take off my rings?...
« Reply #23 on: September 30, 2016, 12:18:33 PM »
I lost my husband of 11 years on January 5th of this year and I wear not only my rings but his band all on the same finger. I can't imagine taking them off ever, I feel naked and even more separated from him that I do now. You do what you want and what feels comfortable for you. So happy to have found this safe space.

Ursula

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Re: Do I have to take off my rings?...
« Reply #24 on: December 14, 2016, 09:14:52 AM »
It's your finger and your ring. I are free to do what feels right for you and only you. I hope you find a way that feels right.

I wore my wedding ring in its true place for two and a half years.  This summer I bought myself a ring which I wear on the wedding ring finger. Sometimes I wear my wedding ring. I got married and was not asked to unmarry. If ever there is anyone else who gives me a ring, it's got to go on another finger.  I've got ten. This one was meant for Alex. Maybe that will change, who knows. I have never believed in dogma.
Por que tu fuego a?n me quema, sin ti las noches son eternas,
tu aroma sigue aqu?, no me deja ir.. Por m?s que intente y quiera olvidarte, yo nunca lograre dejarte, cautivo de este amor sincero esclavo de tu voz.. Por que estoy am?ndote, so??ndose, aunque no est?s aqu?..
Y yo te esperare, amor aunque los a?os lleguen sin querer (Marc Anthony)

beth_krkswidow

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Re: Do I have to take off my rings?...
« Reply #25 on: December 15, 2016, 11:22:57 AM »
@Ursula,  I love that
It's your finger and your ring. I are free to do what feels right for you and only you. I hope you find a way that feels right.

I wore my wedding ring in its true place for two and a half years.  This summer I bought myself a ring which I wear on the wedding ring finger. Sometimes I wear my wedding ring. I got married and was not asked to unmarry. If ever there is anyone else who gives me a ring, it's got to go on another finger.  I've got ten. This one was meant for Alex. Maybe that will change, who knows. I have never believed in dogma.
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

jgib

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Re: Do I have to take off my rings?...
« Reply #26 on: June 10, 2017, 02:55:32 PM »
I agree, your ring, your finger.
I have lost my dad, oldest sister, my mom and then my husband all in a 4 year period.  I had my dads wedding band, a birth stone ring from my mom (we share the same birth stone), a bracelet from my sister and the rings my husband bought for me all made into one ring.  I love it.  They are all close to me on the middle finger of my left hand.  Even the finger seems appropriate as they give me the strength to wave it at the world if I need too.....