Author Topic: 24 years, 7 without him  (Read 1394 times)

Wheelerswife

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24 years, 7 without him
« on: June 13, 2016, 08:21:18 AM »
Today would have been my 24th anniversary with my first husband Barry.  It is the 7th anniversary without him.  I think of him often, but I don't speak of him nearly as much as my second husband John.  Most people in my life never met my first husband.  I moved half way across the country after he died, and very few of our old friends kept contact, most drifting away in the first months after he died.  So far today, I haven't been plagued with the typical flashbacks to our last 2 anniversaries when he was alive.  Both of those anniversaries found us camped out in ICU's, with him critically ill.  I'm not sure if I'm just so mentally tired from working on going through my second husband's tools and his shop this weekend that I have distanced myself from memories that go back more years...memories that have lost some of their bite.

It is all kind of confusing.  This seems to be a summer of mourning again, just in a different way than the last 2 summers.  I've been changed so much by death.  I don't even know what normal is anymore.

Thanks for listening.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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Trying

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Re: 24 years, 7 without him
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2016, 08:59:46 AM »
Maureen you have gone through so much losing your two loves, my heart is with you today.
You will forever be my always.

A Tout Jamais

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Re: 24 years, 7 without him
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2016, 11:23:48 AM »
Quote
Today would have been my 24th anniversary with my first husband Barry. …
So far today, I haven't been plagued with the typical flashbacks to our last 2 anniversaries when he was alive.  Both of those anniversaries found us camped out in ICU's, with him critically ill.  … memories that have lost some of their bite.



"A healed memory is not a deleted memory."
~~ Lewis B. Smedes




Quote
It is all kind of confusing.  This seems to be a summer of mourning again, just in a different way than the last 2 summers.  I've been changed so much by death.  I don't even know what normal is anymore. ... Thanks for listening.


((Maureen))

I have listened and heard you!


Death is the powerful enforcer of change and continual transition. For certain, we are no longer the same and keep going through evolving phases, propelled by the original impetus. It inevitably causes much confusion and self-questioning and definitely challenges our understanding of "Normal".

While change itself is a constant part of life in general, death adds its own deep imprint, indelibly embossed on our heart, mind and soul. Even our yardstick for measuring "normal" has changed, because we now see everything in our orbit through a different lens.

I wish that you can find your inner equilibrium that allows you to stand on firm ground again and regain steady footing.

"I have always argued that change becomes stressful and overwhelming
When you've lost any sense of constancy in your life.
You need firm ground to stand on."
 
~~ Richard Nelson Bolles 




Sending you thoughts of Tranquility and Strength on the Wings of Hope!

To a Brighter Tomorrow!

ATJ :)

« Last Edit: June 13, 2016, 11:33:00 AM by A Tout Jamais »
"Tu n'es plus là où tu étais, mais tu es partout là où je suis."
~~ Victor Hugo

"Je me souviens de toi ... Je me souviens de nous  - Il était une fois -  Je me souviens de tout!"

TooSoon

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Re: 24 years, 7 without him
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2016, 12:45:57 PM »
I want to write something profound but nothing seems right other than that I send you love and support, today and always.  xxoo

donswife

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Re: 24 years, 7 without him
« Reply #4 on: June 14, 2016, 07:05:52 AM »
Maureen ,
I just read this so hoping your anniversary day went ok
or as ok as these days can be
take care of yourself
My everything

WifeLess

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Re: 24 years, 7 without him
« Reply #5 on: June 14, 2016, 08:57:49 AM »
Maureen,

Quote
I've been changed so much by death.

Yes. Although I've been widowed only once, this is nevertheless true for me as well, and I suspect for most others here too. I hope you soon find a normal that includes a greatly healed heart, an inner peace, and perhaps even a return of true happiness.

--- WifeLess

mmg19

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Re: 24 years, 7 without him
« Reply #6 on: June 14, 2016, 09:01:26 AM »
Sending hugs your way Maureen.

Quixote

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Re: 24 years, 7 without him
« Reply #7 on: June 14, 2016, 11:45:38 AM »
Big hugs, Maureen.  I can't imagine what having to go through this twice is like.  I get the oddness of friends not knowing your late spouse, though--  when I moved, it was like the previous life became just this dream I'd had.  In some ways, that's okay. Like you say, some of those flashbacks are difficult.  Wish the happy ones were as vivid as the pain at the end. 

But maybe this is a time you can let yourself become swamped by nostalgia and remember the good, too.  It sounds as if there is some healing happening.  And that's good, even if difficult

trying2breathe

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Re: 24 years, 7 without him
« Reply #8 on: June 14, 2016, 08:29:39 PM »
Maureen   Big hugs to you on your anniversary
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

Tatianakm

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Re: 24 years, 7 without him
« Reply #9 on: June 14, 2016, 09:41:08 PM »
So many times, Maureen, you have comforted the others with your hugs, myself is included. I can't imagine going through this profound loss twice and surviving... I want to reach out and offer that virtual hug in hopes that it will bring you at least a little bit of the comfort. Heartfelt hug to you, Maureen!
To the whole world you were one person; to me you were the whole world.

SimiRed

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Re: 24 years, 7 without him
« Reply #10 on: June 15, 2016, 08:31:09 AM »
Hugs!  Just want to send you hugs and warm wishes. 
~Tracey~
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.