Author Topic: Don't even know what's up  (Read 1309 times)

Damiansinc

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Don't even know what's up
« on: June 18, 2016, 08:19:25 AM »
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« Last Edit: June 20, 2016, 09:37:30 AM by Justin »

Trying

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Re: Don't even know what's up
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2016, 08:36:39 AM »
I'm sorry you are struggling ArtLovingDad.  I don't think it's unusual to feel like you are just going through the motions, I certainly did at a year, year and a half and sometime I still do.  It sounds like you are taking a lot of positive steps in regards to your health both physically and emotionally and it will pay off.  Be patient with yourself, you are not worthless or a bad person, you are human.
You will forever be my always.

donswife

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Re: Don't even know what's up
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2016, 08:42:29 AM »
Sounds like you are doing the best you can
try not to be to hard on yourself because you are trying everyday to get through the day
At times I feel the way you do but I do have more times when I don't
are you doing anything to help up your Vitamin D ?
take care
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Wheelerswife

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Re: Don't even know what's up
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2016, 09:11:36 AM »
I still battle every day to accomplish anything. To get out of bed. I feel like a waste of a life. Worthless. Alone. Tired all the time. I feel like a fraud. A bad person. Unlovable.

I guess I'm just afraid I will always feel this way. That I'm just doomed. Do others feel this way?

I feel this way sometimes and it has been almost 7 years since I lost my first husband and 2 1/2 years since I lost my second husband.  I have my moments when I wonder if I will be able to get out of the funk.  My version of funk involves wasting a lot of time staring at a computer screen and anything to procrastinate from getting something done.  If it weren't for deadlines, I'm not really sure what I would accomplish.

You seem to be able to accomplish things, but the emptiness, that loss of human connection to someone who is your life partner, for you it started before Sara died.  Ah...and it persists?  It certainly does for me.

I think time helps.  I want to get to a place in my life where I'm not just going through the motions.  I want happiness again.  In the meantime, I guess I just have to keep hoping that each day brings me closer to readiness.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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Jen

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Re: Don't even know what's up
« Reply #4 on: June 18, 2016, 10:13:55 AM »

I still battle every day to accomplish anything. To get out of bed. I feel like a waste of a life. Worthless. Alone. Tired all the time. I feel like a fraud. A bad person. Unlovable.

...

I guess I'm just afraid I will always feel this way. That I'm just doomed. Do others feel this way?

I feel this way as well, and I'm terrified that it is my permanent new normal. I dread the idea of spending 30, 40 years like this. I've been getting out more, talking to people, and it helps a bit, but I still get into an empty bed at night that feels like a life sentence to solitary confinement. Doomed... yes, that's it exactly.

I'm so sorry. I wish I knew a magic fix, because I'm so weary of feeling like this-- desperate and lonely and so, so sad. It's not even that I miss Jim anymore-- of course I do, it's a constant awareness, but I don't yearn for him like I did. It's more that I miss being alive, feeling like I had a life. The one I have now is... not what I wanted. :-\

I'm trying to learn to want what I have. That's the best I can do.

hugs,

Jen
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

MamaZ

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Re: Don't even know what's up
« Reply #5 on: June 19, 2016, 09:11:34 AM »
I am ten years along now since cancer stole D from us. Year 2, for me, was in many ways harder than year one. I survived year one, but had serious self grieving work year two. It did not help that society expected me to somehow be magically better after the one-year mark. I am glad to say that it indeed got better for me. I am not exactly sure how or when, but it snuck in there. I can still get hit by an occasional grief wave, but know what those are now, and that they pass.

Go gentle on yourself. I know it's difficult to not get frustrated or worried. I hope that, in time, things will get better.