Author Topic: "You talk about her as if she's still alive"  (Read 3445 times)

MamaZ

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Re: "You talk about her as if she's still alive"
« Reply #15 on: July 02, 2016, 12:51:34 PM »
It's been ten years and I still do this. Occasionally someone will comment that it's weird. D and I did life very much together for over twenty years. If I tell stories from most of my adult years, he will be highly likely to figure into it. I usually comment that I am sorry if it weirds them out, but it makes me smile to remember.

Mr C

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Re: "You talk about her as if she's still alive"
« Reply #16 on: July 04, 2016, 11:08:09 PM »
I look for opportunities to talk about my wife in conversations to the extent that many people would think she is still alive. It makes me feel better to talk about her and makes it all still feel real.
Mrs.C, You have been my Sweetheart, Best Friend and Love since 1987. You will be my Wife forever and ever and ever. Love Always, Mr. C

twin_mom

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Re: "You talk about her as if she's still alive"
« Reply #17 on: July 08, 2016, 12:43:42 PM »
I talk about him often too, partly for my kids' sake and partly because he was such a huge part of my life like everyone has said.  ...New Guy is great about it- he says at times he's upset about it, but the fact is I was with my husband for 15 years and with him only 2- but when we've been together for 15 years if I still talk about the dead guy (how we lovingly refer to DH in our house) more than I talk about him (new guy) it signifies that something is wrong.  ;D

hikermom

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Re: "You talk about her as if she's still alive"
« Reply #18 on: July 08, 2016, 07:12:38 PM »
It's been almost four years and I still talk about my husband. I can't say late husband - I tried it and it feels awkward and unnatural. I don't talk obsessively about him, it is more casual. Sometimes in passing, sometimes a whole story. It depends. It feels right and it helps keep him present to our daughter and to me.

It is not unique to widow/ers- I went on a date and the guy -divorced- kept talking about his wife. Not ex. His wife. After awhile I began to wonder if he was divorced! So I guess I could see how it may feel odd to the non-widowed. BTW, I think I mentioned my husband once on the date - to explain that I was widowed. I made a very deliberate attempt to keep DH mentions to a minimum.

I think it is natural. I think people often want us to not talk about our spouses because they feel more comfortable if we don't. Oddly, it doesn't seem to matter if we are matter-of-fact, telling a funny story, sharing a memory, or being emotional. People freeze or don't know what to say so they prefer we say nothing.

If you're going out on a date, you may well talk about your wife. She was and is a big part of who you are. Anyone worth their salt should be thrilled that you love your wife. Someone who has loved before is certainly able to love again. In fact, they've got an excellent track record!
here is the deepest secret nobody knows ...
and this is the wonder that?s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
~ e.e.cummings

jonesandjenn19781979

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Re: "You talk about her as if she's still alive"
« Reply #19 on: August 08, 2016, 03:39:01 PM »
When someone is your whole world, you cannot help but include them in everything. You included them then as they did you and it's a force of habit. I want Clint here more than anything and everything we did, we did together. All of my happy moments (and annoyed, and sad, and silly) were with him and it's the only thing I have to talk about really. Everything is life has changed now. He will always be a constant in my life even if he isn't here any longer.

Lmsmdm

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Re: "You talk about her as if she's still alive"
« Reply #20 on: August 09, 2016, 04:29:55 PM »
You hate me don't you? Yup, so much I married you twice! :)

Now and Zen

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Re: "You talk about her as if she's still alive"
« Reply #21 on: August 17, 2016, 11:30:51 PM »
It is almost impossible to share things about yourself without in someway mentioning the person you have share more than half of your life with, it is sad when when anyone especial friends can't understand that. I've had friends tell me they were afraid to say my DW's name. I simply replied, it would be worse if they allowed themselves to forget her. 

Julester3

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Re: "You talk about her as if she's still alive"
« Reply #22 on: August 20, 2016, 11:47:39 PM »
I too had a long history with my husband and though it's only been over 4 months since he passed, I still talk about him in the present tense. It's a tough transition, I think, especially when you have a long history together.

Amor

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Re: "You talk about her as if she's still alive"
« Reply #23 on: August 21, 2016, 09:16:10 AM »
I talk about my Love all of the time.  I helps me get through the day to think of my Love and the good times we had together.  For me I think of this as healing for me, not a set back.  The best parts of my life were shared so why would I leave that out?
Let others know about your Love, that is the best way to honor their lives is to let others hear about them.
Amor