Author Topic: I Don't Miss Him, I Miss Us  (Read 309 times)

TheWidowWhisperer

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I Don't Miss Him, I Miss Us
« on: February 15, 2018, 07:09:34 AM »
There are times, not very frequently, that I miss him. I know how odd that must sound. I had a happy marriage and loved my husband very much and very well. But while I think of him always, I don’t exactly miss him. What I miss, really really miss, is being married to him...

https://thewidowwhisperercom.wordpress.com/2018/02/13/a-house-is-not-a-home/

sojourner

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Re: I Don't Miss Him, I Miss Us
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2018, 09:22:47 AM »
I can identify with alot of this.

Leadfeather

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Re: I Don't Miss Him, I Miss Us
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2018, 09:53:27 AM »
I have had this same feeling. At first I missed her with all my being. Now 15 months out, I miss her but I miss what we built together as much or more. The trust and love that moved between us as we lived our average lives.
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom

TheWidowWhisperer

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Re: I Don't Miss Him, I Miss Us
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2018, 11:04:43 AM »
I have had this same feeling. At first I missed her with all my being. Now 15 months out, I miss her but I miss what we built together as much or more. The trust and love that moved between us as we lived our average lives.

I'm new to this forum and not sure I'm posting a reply correctly but wanted to thank you for saying what you did. Missing a person seems so predictable and something I can find a way to live with, missing the life we shared seems unmanageable.

Wheelerswife

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  • Widowed x 2.
Re: I Don't Miss Him, I Miss Us
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2018, 11:25:43 AM »
I'm new to this forum and not sure I'm posting a reply correctly but wanted to thank you for saying what you did.

Welcome to our forum.  I think you are figuring things out.

My experiences are somewhat different in terms of missing my husbands.  I miss my first husband, but I don't miss the life I had with him - even though it was a good life. 

I miss my second husband a lot - as well as the life we had together.  I miss the person I was with him, and the excitement and challenge he brought to me and my life. 

Each different...very different.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

BrokenHeart2

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Re: I Don't Miss Him, I Miss Us
« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2018, 09:11:44 PM »
Yes, so much.  I do still miss him and again I miss US!! I miss the connection we had, knowing each other and being there for each other on so many levels to describe and I bet  you all get it!
Hugs
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

donswife

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Re: I Don't Miss Him, I Miss Us
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2018, 08:33:43 AM »
Yes I miss us ..so much
The private jokes , the same sense pf humor
and just the fact that someone had your back no matter what
I could go on and on 
Thank for starting this post
My everything

TheWidowWhisperer

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Re: I Don't Miss Him, I Miss Us
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2018, 08:01:11 AM »
Sometimes what I miss most was the ease. He felt like a second skin, and now (four years later!) I feel so exposed.

Peony09

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Re: I Don't Miss Him, I Miss Us
« Reply #8 on: Today at 10:40:19 AM »
"I feel so exposed"

I truly feel this!  I have never been able to yet again find that elusive feeling of 'home' that I once had.  I never took him for granted, but I also never knew how much of 'Me' derived from the 'Us' that we had spent our whole life building.  But it makes sense really.  The 'Us' we all miss is so full & intricate and intertwined into every fiber of our being.  How could we not miss the whole package? 

I can still have happy times of course, but I've never been able to have that feeling of ease and comfort in my soul that came from being loved and someone's partner!