Author Topic: Unexpected reaction...  (Read 1018 times)

SoVerySad

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Unexpected reaction...
« on: June 30, 2016, 12:18:02 PM »
So, I decided at after 3 years, it was time for me to start going out and interacting with the world again rather than just staying home as I've been doing. I've made some very nice new friends. We've been invited to several get-togethers over the upcoming holiday weekend which I plan to attend. I'm doing what I feel like I need to do to start to get back to actually living vs just existing.

The unexpected reaction I'm having is that going out is actually making me miss T even more deeply. I know some of it is seeing other couples and families. Some is just related to making plans without him. I'm truly hoping this is a temporary stage of being worse before it gets better. Anyone else experience this? Can you give me hope that I'll reach a stage where it switches to feeling better than worse?
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
Re: Unexpected reaction...
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2016, 12:50:27 PM »
Yes SVS, I too am experiencing this.  Last night I went with out to a restaurant to celebrate my nieces graduation.  There were 3 couples (2 not family) and 2 nieces and a nephew.  It was somewhat difficult listening to the couple banter going back and forth.  They have no idea how lucky they are.  Then when the bills came they couple bantered while I got my single one.  That sure hit me. Reminded me of how alone I am. It's amazing how all consuming this widowhood can be sometimes. I believe as I do this more it won't bother me as much.  Just another adjustment to get used to.
Big hugs and enjoy your long weekend!
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Bunny

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  • widowed 2012
Re: Unexpected reaction...
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2016, 01:08:31 PM »
I definitely felt that in the beginning when I started forcing myself to say yes to things, without any real interest in going, simply so I could get out of my house. Lonely, wistful, awkward...and I wasn't even bothered by seeing other couples, just felt his absence. I admit to using liquid courage to help me through these events...I won't even get into how freaked out I got when I realized men were viewing me as a single lady again- the sizing up was not something I'd had to experience for quite sometime, and it made me miss him quite desperately.

But, as with all things, you get used to it. Slowly but surely. And then one day you surprise yourself by very very much looking forward to going somewhere and are happy to talk to strangers. Heck, I got to a point for a while where I preferred talking to strangers!

Good luck out there- we're all cheering you on like mama birds whose babies are taking their first flights...
It is a fearful thing to love what Death can touch.

Portside

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Re: Unexpected reaction...
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2016, 07:07:23 PM »
I'm truly hoping this is a temporary stage of being worse before it gets better. Anyone else experience this? Can you give me hope that I'll reach a stage where it switches to feeling better than worse?

Yes, of course it will. These are normal and natural feelings. Since you had not started full integration with the outside world until recently, these type of feelings were delayed until you have reengaged more fully with your new friends.

They will pass - unfortunately, I don't think they can be avoided. Just put your head down and power through them. It will get better.

Good luck - Mike
The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

donswife

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Re: Unexpected reaction...
« Reply #4 on: July 01, 2016, 07:00:03 AM »
I remember feeling this way and still do , at times
I hated walking into the restaurant or house alone
taking a deep breath in the car to give me a bit of courage
more then a few times just wanting to drive away
but it did get easier , well not easier but not as new
good for you getting out there
My everything

SoVerySad

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Re: Unexpected reaction...
« Reply #5 on: July 01, 2016, 07:39:02 AM »
Thank you all for the encouragement. Bunny, I loved the baby bird analogy. I actually am really good at talking to strangers coincidentally. My kids will ask me who the person I was talking to was and I'll say I don't know. I met one of my closest new friends (who turned out to be a widow my age and close in timeline) after starting up a conversation while we were waiting to get our cars repaired.

Last night I went to a summer concert in the park event. It was a beautiful evening here and I had a nice time. I'll just keep forging ahead, especially since I am now encouraged that it will be easier as I do it more.

Thank you, again!
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.