Author Topic: Oh for sheesh sake!  (Read 1331 times)

Tweety76

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Oh for sheesh sake!
« on: March 19, 2015, 02:27:08 AM »
I was hit by a massive full body ache two weeks ago. Pain and stinging sensation on each muscle off my body. I got scare that it was something serious especially when my neck went stiff just by walking to lunch... Took me a few days to remember that I felt the same pain a year ago on April. Back then I thought it was because a stress was relieving from both the early day shakes and stress and I may have been in overshape. A friend of mine suggested in August that the other symptoms may have been caused by my subconscious protecting my mind with the pain that distracts (efficiently) me from remembering something. Well, here going through the second round, I can't really say for sure but I'm turning to the latter.

The pain came just a week before the anniversary and got better over the weekend. Yesterday it came back and I was puzzled what for. This morning when I was leaving for work, the 19th of March last year flooded in my brain and I nearly fainted. At 6 months I wrote "6months ago today I" from 10th of March on until the 18th and then I stopped because I didn't want to go through what happened on 19th. Well, today I didn't have a choice. I was the worst driver in the traffic this morning but I managed to maneuver myself to the office without hitting anything. I had to constantly remind myself to focus and that I would write the whole day down once at the office. Which I did. I started feeling relief while writing even my body still hurt. I wrote down year ago tomorrow and started feeling a new pain on my side. Then I went on to the 21st of last year. The day I saw my husband dead in the coffin for the first time. The second last time I'd ever see him. Well you guessed it, instant Niagara flooded through me and I had to escape to the bath room. Cried a bit and decided that ok, I'll write the rest when I'm at home and that now I shall focus on the tasks at hand at the office and voil?, it was easier to breath and I'm ok again.

it's so strange that I'm clear headed (have been for weeks) but the body is a messy bundle of pain. I sure hope I don't have re-live everything from last year as it seems the body remembers even my head couldn't care less.

Just had to get this off my chest so I can go on my merry way for the rest of the day :) Hugs to everyone!!!!! 

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Oh for sheesh sake!
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2015, 06:23:02 AM »
Big giant hugs tweety76!
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Carey

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Re: Oh for sheesh sake!
« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2015, 08:57:38 AM »
Hugs girl .... seems like literal insult to injury does it not? I truly hope writing what you did was cathartic enough to keep you going, at least for today. 
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

Tweety76

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Re: Oh for sheesh sake!
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2015, 09:16:02 AM »
Thank you for the hugs!

The writing does help but the brain can only take so much at the time. I guess I have to do more of these "controlled shut-downs of myself". And warn my boss for the possible tomato eyes. Thank goodness I can blame pollen :)

Jen

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Re: Oh for sheesh sake!
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2015, 05:36:05 PM »
Seems like all I've got today is (((((HUGS)))) but you're welcome to them! Hope you feel better soon, Tweety!
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

lcoxwell

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Re: Oh for sheesh sake!
« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2015, 06:46:50 PM »
There has been so much research on the mind-body connection.  It is amazing how things that we bottle up inside, or don't consciously think about, can bubble to the surface through physical pains and illness.  I hope the writing helps, and I hope you feel better soon.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

Kamcho

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Re: Oh for sheesh sake!
« Reply #6 on: March 19, 2015, 06:58:52 PM »
I just wanted to say, don't mess around with your health. Grief takes a serious toll on the body. Look out for you.