Author Topic: The ring is off.....  (Read 1664 times)

ScorpioGirl

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The ring is off.....
« on: July 10, 2016, 02:18:07 PM »
My husband died 22 May 2015. Last weekend I was doing some gardening so took my wedding rings off for safe keeping. I haven't put them back on and don't feel like I'm going to.
But should I get them resized for my other hand? Or made in to something else? I don't wear any other rings so my hands kind of look and feel naked.
What have others done? My husband never wore a ring.

Ruth

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2016, 04:07:26 PM »
Hey ScorpioGirl,

It's completely up to you what you do, it's a very personal choice I think.

Michael and I never had wedding rings, we were planning on getting them one day, when we would make our marriage legal according to my countries laws (we were married according to the laws/rules of our community, which in our case wasn't the same). I did however have a special ring that I wore on and off again during our marriage and that kinda became 'our' ring. It said 'I will wait for my beloved', it was a bit of our personal joke about the legal/non-legal status of our marriage. During the first year after his death I wasn't (emotionally) able to wear it, but a few months ago I started wearing it again, on the other hand than before. I'm not sure how long I will wear it, but for now it feels good :)

Good luck deciding!
Ruth
As your wife I was proud and honoured, as your widow I will be too.
You died the way you lived - trying to do what was right.

TofinoMan

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2016, 01:31:53 AM »
I never wore a ring.
My job made it awkward andnit felt uncomfortable because i have never worn any sort of jewelry ever.
But i carried my ring in my pants pocket every day, and still do.
If you just want it with you try your pocket for a few days and see if that is the right place for you or not.
I have a daughter named Boo, a dog called Stick, and a truck named Zane Grey. My neighbors think I am nuts when they hear me yell Boo and Stick get in Zane.
Best part is neighbors leave the crazy guy alone.....

Taurus

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2016, 01:38:12 AM »
My husband died 22 May 2015. Last weekend I was doing some gardening so took my wedding rings off for safe keeping. I haven't put them back on and don't feel like I'm going to.
But should I get them resized for my other hand? Or made in to something else? I don't wear any other rings so my hands kind of look and feel naked.
What have others done? My husband never wore a ring.
My beloved was taken from us in March 2015 and she took her wedding and engagement rings with her, and I'm still wearing mine. Feels normal to keep mine on...

Mizpah

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2016, 01:17:46 PM »
I took mine off on his birthday immediately after I looked at my hand and thought, "I never want to take this off."  Then I did.  It was a weird disconnect between brain and body.  I had been wearing a simple locket with his photo in it, and eventually put the ring on the chain.  I wore it every day (until I moved in with my current boyfriend - I took it off out of respect/compassion/consideration).  I put the ring on every year on his birthday as a little "gift" to him/his memory, because he was very possessive (in a sweet, big, loving way - not a controlling, scary way). 
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

TornApart

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2016, 04:06:38 AM »
It is a big step. My rings felt like a defence shield for me. I think I started moving them to my other hand, but then back again after the year mark. I had his wedding ring redesigned as an 'eternity ring' (a concept we have in Australia at the one year wedding anniversary or first child, but even more strangely fitting in death) and I wear that and my engagement ring constantly. They are still such an emotional connection to him. I will be buried with my engagement ring.

It is about what it means to you. If you don't need them, perhaps keep them for special occasions or get them redesigned into something else.
"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." Kahlil Gibran

Lego

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2016, 04:17:06 PM »
I took mine off after about three months. I also needed to take it off with some activity I was doing. I put my rings in the same box as my wife's and i knew straight away that this is where they were meant to be. Some people have said to wear the ring on the other hand, which is a nice idea, but for me it is a symbol of our marriage, and I felt it was better to take it off and keep them altogether in a safe place.

SK

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2016, 05:05:14 PM »
I put my husband's ring over my matching wedding band when he went in the hospital in December 2015 & locked it in place with my "engagement ring" (which he gave me the day before our 9th wedding anniversary).  It's been there ever since, only removing it sometimes when applying lotion...but not usually.   No plans to remove them now, but no plans to never remove them, either.   As everyone has said, what is in your heart is what's right for you.   His ring is so big, it jingles & jangles all the time...probably bothersome to most, but it's a musical reminder of him for me. 
poco a poco

twin_mom

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #8 on: July 25, 2016, 12:54:34 PM »
It is such a personal decision. For me, took them off about 9 months or. But at 1.5 years I started wearing my wedding band on my right hand and still do now at almost 4 years.
Eventually I plan to get the stones from my rings made into a tie tack and pendant for our kids, but I'm a long way from being ready to do that.

SemperFidelis

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #9 on: July 26, 2016, 10:43:58 AM »
I wear mine on my middle finger. Same hand. Not too far off from where it was meant to be. To me it feels right for the long term.

Taurus

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2016, 05:45:58 PM »
My husband died 22 May 2015. Last weekend I was doing some gardening so took my wedding rings off for safe keeping. I haven't put them back on and don't feel like I'm going to.
But should I get them resized for my other hand? Or made in to something else? I don't wear any other rings so my hands kind of look and feel naked.
What have others done? My husband never wore a ring.
I used to take off my wedding ring only when playing golf (uncomfortable gr gripping a club), and it went straight back on. First round of golf after she was taken from us, I took it off on the first tee - and I felt a profound sense of sadness as if I was getting rid of the last connection I had with her. The ring went back on and has stayed on ever sign - golf or no golf!

Frederick

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #11 on: August 03, 2016, 07:19:43 PM »
Though together nine years, We'd only been legally married ten months, so I wasn't ready to take if off just yet. But I ended up trying some different things around the one-year mark, wearing it on my other hand, and eventually usually not wearing it at all. Partly because I'm afraid of losing it, and partly because I had a couple of encounters while wearing it of, "Oh! I didn't know you were married," which resulted in me giving the story and depressing both parties.

It may seem dishonest, but I wear it when I go to visit his mom. For her sake, and it feels like he's with me in some way.

sdarrah1130

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #12 on: August 04, 2016, 08:20:23 AM »
I wore his and my ring on my left hand.  I always have taken my rings off when I play softball so after one of my games (4.5 months) I only put his back on (middle left hand). 

I put mine away in my small jewelry box for safe keeping.   I am in a bit of a panic though....I moved about 2 months ago and can not find said jewelry box.  I know it is packed somewhere but I am panicking still. 
Sandy - E's Wife

"My Darlin, you are wonderful tonight......"

SemperFidelis

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Re: The ring is off.....
« Reply #13 on: August 04, 2016, 06:52:50 PM »
Frederick, I appreciate that you differentiate between your actual time together versus the legal document. It confuses me when people only take into account the legal part.... When that part has little bearing on anything at all.