Author Topic: Three years...seriously?  (Read 1283 times)

Frederick

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Three years...seriously?
« on: August 03, 2016, 04:02:19 PM »
It's hard to believe. Late last month I started feeling really down and realized, today would be three years without him.

If 6-12 months is "reality sets in", I'd say 1-2 years is "coping with reality" and 2-3 years is "picking up the pieces." At least that was my experience. My second year without him was about learning to live life without him, and my third year was been about learning to live life on my own. They may sound the same but they're quite different.

May 2015, I finally found work...probably the only cashier with post-graduate degrees. This summer I moved on to a position more in line with my education but it was temporary...it was tough (some coworkers made it very rough) but I made it through. I feel a little more confident now (alas I often had lingering thoughts of 'if only he were here to see this', seeing as he was there watching me go through school and giving me constant support and reassurance.)

Earlier this spring, I moved from our house. Kind of feels like cheating, it's on the same block, but a neighbor had a tenant move out and she offered me the suite, it's definitely a downgrade in size, and I never realized how much 'stuff' I accumulated over the years, so I was forced to downgrade that, too, but I think I needed it. Mid-move, my mom passed away suddenly and I had to fly out to deal with that. In the three years since my husband passed, our cat, my nephew, and my mom all passed--all suddenly, which is unusual for me to experience.

So that's been my experience. I haven't posted here in a long time but it was my lifeline early on and I'm eternally grateful for that. I'm not sure what "the fourth year" holds. I know I'm far from Beyond Active Grieving yet.

Amor

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Re: Three years...seriously?
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2016, 05:41:39 PM »
I like how you put a timeline.  Tomorrow will be 2 years for me.  Sometimes I think reality has not fully set in.  But I can say I am trying to cope with this reality. 
Wishing you peace on this very painful day!
Amor

Frederick

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Re: Three years...seriously?
« Reply #2 on: August 03, 2016, 07:07:54 PM »
Thank you. I wish there were more timelines for after the first year, many resources give rough guidelines of what to expect over the first year, but in the second year I felt abandoned. Though perhaps experiences vary widely after the first year so it would be difficult to generalize.

Mrskro

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Re: Three years...seriously?
« Reply #3 on: August 03, 2016, 07:36:17 PM »
I'm going on two years too and feel similar, just alone.  I don't really fit in anywhere,  I've changed and yet I'm still unsure who I'm going to be. 

Wishing you peace.

SoVerySad

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Re: Three years...seriously?
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2016, 11:34:50 PM »
It is nice to get an update from you, Frederick. I'm so sorry for all the losses you've experienced since your husband died. That is a lot of loss you've been dealing with. I'm into my 4th year as well now, and also far from beyond active grieving as well. I'm learning to manage things on my own, but still miss him so much.

Sending you a tight hug...
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

SemperFidelis

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Re: Three years...seriously?
« Reply #5 on: August 03, 2016, 11:47:51 PM »

My second year without him was about learning to live life without him, and my third year was been about learning to live life on my own.

Great distinction, Frederick. Well said.


Bunny

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Re: Three years...seriously?
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2016, 07:30:12 AM »
  I don't really fit in anywhere,  I've changed and yet I'm still unsure who I'm going to be. 

This is me -going into my 5th year. And I'm now in my 50s...it's a weird place to find myself. I don't think I'm actively grieving, though grief issues can still play a part in my everyday life. Sometimes I can't believe how I'm still working through stuff. But -at this point - I guess I'm kinda settling in with my grief, we are growing more familiar with one another, no longer scary strangers. (Or something like that.)


Frederick, thank you for coming back and checking in with us. I'm sorry you've had to deal with so many secondary losses so closely following your husband's death.



My second year without him was about learning to live life without him, and my third year was been about learning to live life on my own.

Great distinction, Frederick. Well said.


Agreed. Beautifully put.
It is a fearful thing to love what Death can touch.

canadiangirl

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Re: Three years...seriously?
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2016, 07:40:30 PM »
Frederick, I remember you and your story and it is good to see you here.  I am so sorry about the loss of your mother and the additional losses you have had to bear.  Take care.