Author Topic: Just took my ring off  (Read 3429 times)

Carey

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Just took my ring off
« on: March 19, 2015, 01:45:58 PM »
Or one of them.  I wasn't wearing my engagement ring and wedding band anyway. I had a past/present/future ring and an eternity band that I was wearing.  As of about 5 minutes ago it's just the past/present/future one there. It doesnt' scream wedding band. I just couldn't bear to have nothing. It was a gift from him but not a wedding ring. I feel half naked though.  I haven't the slightest clue why I decided to right now. It's been a bad week. Don't see it getting better and I looked down at those rings and got mad all over again hes not here. I'm just at a loss.  Year 2 is seeming way worse than year one.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

anniegirl

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Re: Just took my ring off
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2015, 02:09:27 PM »
It can be worse. In my opinion it's because after weathering the first, we get to the second and think, "I'm here! Yes! Made it," and then it turns out to simply be an imaginary line that really nothing much has changed in terms of how we feel.

Taking off the ring is big. It's weird. Like damned if you do or don't weird.

Totally understand.
This is not the droid you are looking for.

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Just took my ring off
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2015, 10:58:44 PM »
Yes for me year two has been worse. The emptiness and lonely missing him is so hard. As for the rings. Nobody has said a thing. I see them looking but to hell with them. My grief, my journey.  Actually I'm glad they don't say anything because if they did I don't think my reply would be pretty lol.
It is what it is and I have to find my way somehow.
Hugs to all of us wids
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

mikeeh

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Re: Just took my ring off
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2015, 09:48:42 PM »
I am thinking that the ring will come off in the spring.   At almost two years it may be time to start getting rid of stuff like her vanity.  As long as I am going to stop pretending that I still have a life I may as well go all the way and take the ring off too.

Mangomom

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Re: Just took my ring off
« Reply #4 on: March 21, 2015, 09:56:44 PM »
I moved the band to my right hand at about 6 months.  There it will stay always. I am 2-? years out.  The engagement ring is in the safe for my daughter someday.  It is a sapphire and we were so tickled to find out she would be a September baby.  Almost like fate had him pick that stone. 

I agree with what anniegirl said.  We think that passing one year is like a finish line...  We almost stretch forward to break the ribbon.  Then nothing.  It's just the next day filled with the same sorrow.  Year two stretched out in front of me like a chasm.

In my experience, though, living the third year is more mellow and almost bittersweet.  The brain allows memories with pleasure and pain, not just pain.


Gabzmom

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Re: Just took my ring off
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2015, 10:28:57 AM »
My engagement and wedding ring were one ring.  I finally took it off last December and misplaced it - it's here in the house somewhere.  i have no idea where it is.  I still wear an anniversary ring he gave me.  Not often because I need to make sure the emerald is set.  It actually looks like an engagement ring.  I love all the emeralds he gave me - they are his birthstone and he is Irish. 
"I always knew looking back on my tears would bring me laughter, but I never knew looking back on my laughter would make me cry." ~Cat Stevens

robunknown

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Re: Just took my ring off
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2015, 11:20:25 AM »
I took mine off one month out. I think a psychologist would have a field day figuring out why it felt right so early on. That was almost 5 months ago, and I still feel it there as if I am still wearing it. My thumb tries to adjust it about once a day because it "feels weird". I can also still see the faint indentation lines on my finger.

Carey

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Re: Just took my ring off
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2015, 01:12:50 PM »
I'm down to just the past/present/future.  And sadly although all we have is a past, that's what I'm comfortable with and that's where it'll stay.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

Baylee627

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    • dawiddahood
Re: Just took my ring off
« Reply #8 on: March 28, 2015, 08:40:25 PM »
I was basically in "ring training"--weaning myself from wearing them daily. They had become less a symbol of comfort and more of a haunting reminder....not married, not divorced...widowed. And I began to feel like an imposter, with the rings being part of the facade.

Not good.

I finally stopped wearing my rings altogether in January. I'll slip them on for special occasions, like a family birthday, but other than that, I've stopped. I do, however, still wear his wedding band and a diamond cross he gifted me with on our very first Christmas on a necklace.

I'll always keep my rings; they are irreplaceable tokens of affection from DH.

Baylee
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

Virgo

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Re: Just took my ring off
« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2015, 09:49:33 PM »
I wore my wedding ring a few times, but for me it was a constant reminder of what was lost and no longer was. I decided to have my diamond solitaire set into a heart pendant so I could still wear my 'ring', but in a different way. I love it! I kept my bands as is and will always keep them. I wear my anniversary ring on my middle finger and I'm planning on getting a mother's ring to wear with it. Phil gave me a mother's ring after our second daughter was born. Whoops, who knew! I think this time I'll add our birthstones and make it a family ring. Maybe have our names engraved inside the ring.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

HeavyStella

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Re: Just took my ring off
« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2016, 11:42:51 PM »
I gave Lisa's engagement ring to my 18 yr old daughter and her band to my 17 year old daughter- as  far as I know they have never taken them off.  Im still wearing mine...though shes gone 15 months now I'm still married as far as im concerned.  The concept of another relationship is absolutely inconceivable

SemperFidelis

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Re: Just took my ring off
« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2016, 12:43:06 AM »
I took mine off after a month. I just wanted to get it over with. Didn't want it to be some stupid thing people whisper about "she hasn't taken it off! Doesn't she know he's dead?" I could just imagine the drama. My heart still felt married, and that's what mattered. And I acknowledged and honored the new state of things by wearing his ring and dogtag on a necklace for about six or seven months. My marriage band lives on my left middle finger. I think that's where it looks best and where it is best honored. Just one finger over. I imagine it will rest there forever.

For me the bigger step became shedding the dogtag with his marriage band. Somehow that felt like more of a meaningful step for me.

Raymond

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Re: Just took my ring off
« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2017, 01:50:51 PM »
I took my ring off very early on but not for reasons of moving on/forward etc. . . . but rather I placed it in a box next to hers.  I felt the one should keep the other company.  I still twirl the air above my ring finger.  It is sort of feeling a limb or extremity that has been cut off.  I still feel it on my finger.

Funny, I just caught myself doing it as I was typing.  Such is the way of it.