Author Topic: Surviving the suicide of a spouse  (Read 6253 times)

keeptrying

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Re: Surviving the suicide of a spouse
« Reply #15 on: July 05, 2015, 08:52:29 AM »
I can't bring myself to tell anyone when they ask. I don't even allow myself to think about it, or try to understand it. I can't. - It is SO confusing for me. I heard people put their spouses on a pedestal after they die, paint a picture of them. - The issue I have is that we HAD that life. Everything I could have dreamed of and more. I would tell him that a few times a week. He was happy, smiling loved and lived for us. Never mean, never said anything hurtful. We just built a house, I was pregnant, got back from vacation. We had it all. There were NO signs. How can you live with someone, he worked from home, so spend every minute with them, and not know they are hurting? He never touched a drug or drank or cheated. The people who did know him said out of ALL the people in the world, they would NEVER have guessed HE would have done something like this. My dad, uncles, everyone who met him said, wow, there are no guys out there like that, you got lucky. I did. - I don't know if it was better to have the love of my life that I won't ever get again, or wish I never had it at all, so I don't know what I will miss for the rest of my life. - I hate this. I hate my new life. I will never truly understand.I have TERRIBLE guilt. It eats me up. I can't even put into words. I am embarrassed to ever tell anyone the "suicide" word. I can't even admit it to myself

AndysWife

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Re: Surviving the suicide of a spouse
« Reply #16 on: July 12, 2015, 10:50:34 AM »
Keeptrying, I felt much like you also when he first died. I think it's the shock of it all. 4 years later and I can now see him for who he really was rather than who I thought he was.
I received similar comments from our friends and my family but my inlaws were not surprised. They neglected to mention his history (as did he) to me before or during our marriage but told me about him before the funeral. Great huh? That's helpful (sarcasm).

I don't tell people how he died. I don't like to think about it either but I keep it to myself these days as it's nobody's business unless they knew him. The rest are just nosey I find and I wont indulge them. It's hard to speak highly of someone when it ends with suicide - rightly or wrongly. People judge and I have a short fuse so it's best to skip the whole thing.

We had a 5wk old son when he died and one thing that stands out to me is a comment that he made the day before he died.
"I've ticked all the boxes now" which causes me to think that he was dis-satisfied, hoping for to feel something different or something.. I dunno, we never will.
A.B.D.  26/01/1969 - 08/08/2011

Forgottenwife

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Re: Surviving the suicide of a spouse
« Reply #17 on: March 16, 2016, 01:48:34 PM »
Still, after nearly five years since my husband's suicide, I come here once in a while to read this amazing post by Trish K.

I survived all the fear and guilt and horror, complete with coping from trauma and walking that awful road of the suicide survivor. Although I am so sorry that any of us have reason to be here, I am grateful we can share and support one another.

Forgottenwife

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Re: Surviving the suicide of a spouse
« Reply #18 on: March 22, 2016, 06:18:30 PM »
I remember that morning, before leaving for work, that I should take the gun out of the house and I felt horribly guilty for a long time after because I didn't. But honestly, it wouldn't have mattered.

My point in all this being, it wouldn't have mattered what I did - he would have found a way to end his life, and there wasn't anything I could have done differently.

This. I am an avid gun collector from a family of hunters and military members.

I removed all of the guns from our home.
I notified our family physician and doctors where my husband was receiving care.
I told my husbands family and friends and requested help. Some of them tried. Some of them simply didn't know what to do.
I watched him for days.
I called the police.

He's still dead.

kae

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Re: Surviving the suicide of a spouse
« Reply #19 on: September 04, 2017, 09:49:55 PM »
Wow.  Trish K., I don't know if you're still on these boards, but your words have resonated with me.  My husband took his life just over 4 months ago.  I'm reeling...actually broke down in Costco today...ug.  Thank you so much for your calm, rational, and measured post.  I will be back to read it often. 

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
Re: Surviving the suicide of a spouse
« Reply #20 on: September 04, 2017, 10:58:18 PM »
kae please come back often and read and post as much as you like. I have found so many people here on this site that their words resonate with me so much as well.  I know how you feel about crying in Costco.  Been there done that. 
Hugs to you.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.