Author Topic: 84 Days and I miss you  (Read 757 times)

geminigirl

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84 Days and I miss you
« on: August 18, 2016, 08:25:45 PM »
84 days ago I said goodbye to you in our kitchen at 6:30 in the morning. I had no idea that I would never see you again and that you would be dead in less than seven hours. I remember talking to you in the bathroom and then again in the kitchen before you left for work. We talked about the baby being sick and you told me that you got up with her a few times throughout the night (sorry, I didn't hear her.) I remember watching you put on your work boots and we said “I love you" like we always did and then you left. It was a regular morning. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't see you later that day or ever again.

In 84 days I've experienced every horrible emotion you can imagine, fear, sadness, anger, loneliness, terror, agony, guilt, hopelessness, sorrow, depression, pain, rage, heartbreak, panic, horror, desperation...

I just miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss your voice. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss my best friend. I miss all of you. I love you. Please find a way to make this not real, come home. Find a worm hole or something, travel back in time and let's fix this shit. I'm serious (or seriously crazy), I love you.

donswife

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Re: 84 Days and I miss you
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2016, 06:51:24 AM »
oh I so wish there was a worm hole or a time machine to bring them back
" i just miss you " says it all
just wanted you to know I read this and understand
Take care 
My everything

Kater

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Re: 84 Days and I miss you
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2016, 12:26:43 PM »
I hear you. 

I haven't done it for a while, but last night I allowed myself to imagine he was standing in the doorway, with a smile on his face that said, "whew, I finally made it, and I am happy to be home".  It's amazing to me how after almost 8 months, I can still see his expressions in my mind crystal clear. I wish I could record them.  I worry the memories will fade in time.


geminigirl

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Re: 84 Days and I miss you
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2016, 08:49:27 PM »
I hear you. 

I haven't done it for a while, but last night I allowed myself to imagine he was standing in the doorway, with a smile on his face that said, "whew, I finally made it, and I am happy to be home".  It's amazing to me how after almost 8 months, I can still see his expressions in my mind crystal clear. I wish I could record them.  I worry the memories will fade in time.

I'm so sorry, I wish I had a time machine for all of us. A few weeks after my husband died (yuck, I still hate saying that) I started a journal and I began writing down all kinds of random things about my him so I wouldn't forget who he was. I actually made a list of things he loved and things he hated. I'm so afraid of forgetting who he was. I try to write down as much as I can while he still feels close to me.

Kater

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Re: 84 Days and I miss you
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2016, 01:58:35 AM »
Yes, I have been making lots of notes about things..  There was a group of us that used to meet at our coffee shop regularly.  We all got together tonight.  They all talked so much about S, telling me stories about him that I didn't know (apparently he always packed a banana for a snack when he golfed....I did not know that).  It was difficult to sit in a group of 7 of us without my partner at my side, but it was so nice to be with a group where everyone talked freely about him.