Author Topic: The Old divorce comparison  (Read 1443 times)

beth_krkswidow

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #15 on: February 27, 2018, 07:43:24 AM »
Aaack
I inadvertently hit the report to moderator button!

How to undo?
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

Peony

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #16 on: March 07, 2018, 01:11:47 PM »
This reminded me of something someone posted long ago.  I wrote it down because I thought it was really good.  I wish I knew who posted it because I would love to give them credit, but unfortunately I don't.


"The death of a human being is a distinction worthy to stand alone and is not comparable to divorce.

A compassionate person knows the difference, and does not compete.  But tries to understand.

I pray our society truly has not regressed so far that the major difference between the two cannot readily be identified!"

MR

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #17 on: March 07, 2018, 03:35:00 PM »
We always get those kinds of comments. We were sitting in a group and someone said I wish he was dead at least i will get the closure and not have to fight with him every time. I am liking seriously I would give everything to have one more fight with my DW. She just said sorry and we dropped the topic.

Think is separated, divorced , break up is so common to find in all age groups where as our case is kind of unique. I do understand they have to go thru some of the stuff which we don't but why compare.

Adley

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #18 on: March 20, 2018, 11:20:28 PM »
I just saw this Beth, don't sweat it!
   Yes, the comparisons still leave me speechless. If I start down the road of rebuttal I'm afraid I won't stop, and that would just be ugly. Most of my friends are gone, the rest are aloof. I don't blame them. My two brothers (who have their own struggles in their own right) stick by me from a distance, were all like some kind of strange and faithful landmarks to one another. With everyone else in my closer family....I hold peace. It beats explosion. I'm so glad you all and this board are here to help us ease the pressure a little at a time rather than all at once. Thank you all for these words.
Here's to my pretty young wife     sleepin amongst the stars           now they say what's hers is mine but I know what's ours is ours

soloact

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #19 on: March 21, 2018, 12:22:06 PM »
We got it right. They should be taking notes.  :P

lovelorne

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #20 on: March 27, 2018, 08:11:58 AM »

Hmmm...I guess one could always try to figure out a go-to response to use, like; ‘here’s hoping you never hafta find out how wrong you are!’ then give a big smile and talk about the weather.


I strongly recommend doing this.  When I was in the early stages and people would say that to me, I'd knit my brow and say, "No, I've been divorced and I've been widowed and they are NOTHING alike."

Then I'd look them in the eyes until they had to look away.  My approach was a little more aggressive than most people would use, but seriously.  Find a line and use it. 
Days, I dive by the wreck.  Nights, I swim in the blue lagoon.  - Laurie Anderson

sudnlysngl

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #21 on: March 27, 2018, 01:14:19 PM »
Like Lovelorn, I've been both and they are nothing alike. Yes both hurt, as I have shared in another post I am going through a divorce right now and the jerk is so cowardly that he won't even tell me why he walked out. I just know that he did the day after I was told I needed to have back surgery, so I know the vows meant nothing to him.

However one HUGE difference between the two is, with divorce I can still call the jerk I am divorcing and cuss him out (which I don't, lol), and with dh I can't call him or hear his voice anymore! We (dh and I) can't meet up to talk, or even talk on the phone.

So no comparison, besides I always wanted to be with my dh, even we had a disagreement.

Captains wife

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #22 on: April 02, 2018, 03:13:02 PM »
I get beyond irritated when divorce and widowdom are compared - yes, they are both losses (and I can see how painful divorce is) but for divorce there is some choice to this loss. For all of us, there was no choice in becoming widows/widowers. I just get angry too when I see and hear some of the divorce drama. I think Ive even said - try being a widow/widower and a single parent...then get back to me.

serpico

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #23 on: April 03, 2018, 10:22:31 AM »
Comparing any two situations that aren't perfectly identical is asking for trouble, especially depending on the sensitivities of those involved.

At the same time, though, we as widows have to be careful about claiming the undisputed world championship of pain. As painful as a well-loved spouse's death can be, I also can't imagine the pain of that same spouse abruptly choosing to sever all ties and live with another person, especially if children are involved.

Both scenarios can wreck lives, and I don't believe it's our call to decide which one is worse.
'I think I got some of your pickle'

soloact

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #24 on: April 03, 2018, 11:24:30 AM »
Comparing any two situations that aren't perfectly identical is asking for trouble, especially depending on the sensitivities of those involved.

At the same time, though, we as widows have to be careful about claiming the undisputed world championship of pain. As painful as a well-loved spouse's death can be, I also can't imagine the pain of that same spouse abruptly choosing to sever all ties and live with another person, especially if children are involved.

Both scenarios can wreck lives, and I don't believe it's our call to decide which one is worse.

The first time a deceased spouse returns from the dead and they get back together I'll sign on to that. Until then there is no comparison. Past time for the divorced people to stop pushing that nonsense on the widowed population.

sudnlysngl

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #25 on: April 03, 2018, 12:21:58 PM »
I still say there is no comparison, and yes I agree with serpico they both hurt!

They one statement I hate even more though is, " the football, golf, any sport widow!"

I have had NO problem politely correcting those women who have used those statements loosely, and then went on to explain that I am a "real" widow who NEVER imagined that I would actually be one at 43 yrs old.

To those I shared that with, they always got very quiet for a few moments, and I could tell they were thinking about if they were in my situation, then they would apologize. To which I would just ask them to remove those kind of statements from their vocabulary because you never know what has happened in others lives around you....

Heck, I didn't until it happened to me!

Peony

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #26 on: April 03, 2018, 12:40:01 PM »
The differences go far beyond just the issue of shared pain.

I got this a lot from my own sister who had been divorced.  She made all of the usual comparisons, "I know just how you feel", Death is better than divorce" etc.  In fact, it brought out a real bitter/ugly side to her personality because she felt like I received more sympathy than she did.  I never took the bait or said anything because I felt it pointless to do so.  To me they are just two completely different situations.  End of story.

Fast forward a couple of years...  You will be happy to hear that she is now happily remarried to her husband!  God Bless the opportunity of reconciliation!

Me, well...  ((( crickets )))

Yep, still not the same!   :)

MR

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Re: The Old divorce comparison
« Reply #27 on: April 03, 2018, 03:08:13 PM »

Fast forward a couple of years...  You will be happy to hear that she is now happily remarried to her husband!  God Bless the opportunity of reconciliation!

So true they had a chance to reconcile which we never had bcs we didn't separate. People forget even when they are divorced their kid has both parents our don't.