Specific Situations > Suicide/Addiction/Mental Illness/Abuse

Lost high school friend to suicide this week

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Sugarbell:
And my FB newsfeed has been blowing up about it.

Everyone now acts like he was their special BFF and suddenly everyone is on the prevention bandwagon
If I read one more "Stay up all night and talk and be there for your friend it could save a life" I will scream.

I was friends with him...but haven't spoken in 25 years...same with everyone else...but yet these "friends" are now experts on preventing suicide.

I have kept my mouth shut. Everyone in town in attending the funeral...Yea we had over 600 at Bens...most I never saw again...many I had no clue who they were. It was like a fucking reunion for some people. Only about 40 people from the funeral kept contact with us and were there for my kids.

And I keep seeing "How hard" this is on people in the community....
But no mention about helping his parents, wife and kids. This is about them....Not about people who are now practically strangers...just because you had Biology class with him 30 years ago doesn't mean you are now especially close best friends.

Sorry....just been really striking a nerve with me...and I can't say it publicly anywhere else but here.

Lisa:
No apology  needed. That's pretty sickening . My prayers for those  affected.

Forgottenwife:
I hear ya Sugarbell.

This always strikes a nerve with me too. I see memes and messages like 'please offer the suicide hotline number' and 'Suicide is 100% preventable,' that one really makes me feel like crap. And man do we know its just not that simple. Pretty sure the deceased knows there are suicide hotlines and emergency services. I see the same shit too, people come out of the woodwork to go to the funeral and act all supportive... then vanish. My husband was well known in our community and I saw hundreds of people that day. For many of them, right after that it was like me and his kids died right alongside of him.

I get it. I don't know why people think some post on social media or acting like they care about something for a week will make any difference at all. Ever. I see people ignore the family as well and act like the loss is more traumatic for them personally. We HAD great friends that pledged to be there to help raise my kids. They came over one time after he died, and then said it was too painful for them to come to our house when he wasn't there anymore. Unbelievable, they put their discomfort above the children they made promises to, but they post all the time on facebook how much they miss him and what a shining light he was.

I keep my mouth shut too. But, I have changed. I love the people I love, my kids and my closest friends, and nothing keeps from spending time with them and telling them how much they mean to me. That's what I learned from living that social media shitshow. This life and love is all we get, I do my life with actual meaning.

WifeLess:
Sugarbell,

Sorry for the loss of your friend, however distant.

Only the naive believe that to prevent someone's suicide all that is needed is to stay up and talk with them for a night. In my experience, willingness to do that every night for 6 months or longer is a much more accurate description of what is required. That worked for the first two of my wife's major depressive episodes. But even that was not enough for her third. In 2009, after several psychiatric hospitalizations, after an array of psychiatric medications, and of course, after several hundred long days and endless nights of staying up and talking with her, she nevertheless finally succeeded in ending her life. I often envy the naive.

--- WifeLess

RobFTC:
Sorry for the loss, Sugarbell, and for the idiot chatter that surrounds it.  Suicide is tough.

Take care,
Rob T

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