Author Topic: Adjustments  (Read 813 times)


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« on: September 16, 2016, 07:05:02 AM »
Gosh where to begin. I lost my love at the end of April. I'm not sure how to feel about the time that has passed. Whether it feels so long ago or just like yesterday. Both at the same time. Lately I've felt guilty for not having breakdowns and for not feeling so hopeless all the time. Grief is so strange. It's something I run from and run to. I've found comfort there, as strange that sounds. I'm scared I'm avoiding my loss so much and when then second year comes around, I won't be able to come back from it. More often than not I have found out that joy and grief can reside in the same place. But I have to teach myself to let them do that.

I think what's taking up a good amount of my thoughts is that this won't ever end. I won't get to the top of the hill and it'll go away. I've come to see grief as a person I'm forever chained to. We have to learn to do things together, how to move together so our movements become fluid, how to carry the weight of this other person when it tries to hold me back. I have to learn to adjust. It's hard and everyday I wish that I could go back and that this isn't my life.

Just letting things off my chest. I'm wishing you all the best XO[/quot


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Re: Adjustments
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2016, 11:35:34 AM »
I felt the same way during the first month of my wife's passing. My experience sounds different, but I do notice that those emotions come into spurts. In my opinion it sounds like you have dealt with the great better than myself. I don't think any of this helps much, but I don't think it's weird or wrong.


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Re: Adjustments
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2016, 10:12:38 PM »
I wish with all my heart that I could go back to the time before this horrific loss happened. I spend every day just trying to put one foot in front of the other, and ensure that I eat and sleep some each day. It's been two months of complete hell for me, and I too feel like grief is the monkey on my back, whispering of my loss during the one moment where I might laugh at a joke a co-worker has told or comic on television.

I wish that somebody could find a way to make this process less incapacitating and I wish for all of you that you will find some solace in your journey.
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same....and I choose strong!


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Re: Adjustments
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2016, 08:11:47 PM »
That is a good description. My experience (3.5 years out) is that grief is always with you, and you have to learn to live your life with it until you almost don't notice it anymore. A bit like weight-training - it is exhausting but you eventually build your strength and can lift more weight than you ever thought possible, stronger than you were before. It is hard work to get there, but you do. 
"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." Kahlil Gibran


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Re: Adjustments
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2016, 09:43:56 PM »
I understand learning to function and move on but I wish grief didn't feel like this heavy shackle bolted to you that weighs you down every day. I have more good days than bad and when I have bad days, other than the day of our wedding anniversary which nearly put me out all day, my sad spurts are short, brief and hit me at random or odd times. I am hoping the shackle gets lighter and easier to carry.