Author Topic: How long did you wear your wedding ring?  (Read 2931 times)

yogamom72

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How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« on: September 20, 2016, 09:28:22 PM »
Currently I am wearing his ring and mine.  We are very fresh with all of this in that my husband died less than 2 weeks ago.  I am just wondering what the time line is for wearing rings.  I love my set.  The woman at the social security office said "your marriage ended by death on Sept 8, 2016" and I can still hear those words ringing in my ears.

Did you switch to something different on that hand?

Wheelerswife

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2016, 10:02:32 PM »
yogamom,

You wear those rings as long as your heart desires.  I wore my rings from my first husband on my left hand for a little over 3 months before switching them to my left hand at midnight on New Year's Eve.  I was with a widowed friend and we talked into the night about how we hoped for a better year. The last year had been full of anguish!  A few months later, I removed my rings altogether and put them in a jewelry box.

I wore my second wedding band on my left hand for quite some time after my second husband died.  I eventually had it resized and I have worn it on my right hand ever since.  It had been over 2 1/2 years since my second husband died.

So...two different men, two different losses, two different decisions about wearing my rings.

You are right.  This is very fresh for you.  I hope you don't feel pressure to make decisions about these kinds of sentimental concerns.

Hugs,

Maureen

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twin_mom

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2016, 10:04:06 PM »
 I've read many opinions on this, with different ways it's been done, but the sum is: you wear them until it's right for you, and then you do what's right for you with them. This is definitely something that's individual on your own timeline.
« Last Edit: September 20, 2016, 10:05:52 PM by twin_mom »

Sirin

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2016, 10:04:32 PM »
Two weeks after the death of my husband (a little over a month ago) I went to a tattoo parlor and got a wedding ring tattooed on my finger.  It made me feel slightly better, and still does (every time I look at it).

Jess

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2016, 10:26:27 PM »
I took mine off the first wedding anniversary after he died, which was just under 3 months out. It just felt right to me. I want to add my voice to the growing chorus that there is no right time other than the one you choose or don't choose for yourself. I am a rules girl so the lack of a guideline drove me nuts, but I found what was right for me and so will you.
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Julester3

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2016, 10:29:14 PM »
I lost my husband in April. I stopped wearing my rings before summer started - probably late May? I don't recall exactly when anymore. Time blurs for me a little. I honestly just didn't feel married anymore - it felt like I was lying to myself or continuing to encourage my denial. Though I still dearly love my husband, I felt at the time that our marriage agreement was done. Until death do us part. Also, all the various paperwork I was filling out had me change my status to "single with children."

I put my engagement and wedding rings away for safe keeping with my anniversary band that I also feel I cannot wear for the same reason. I hope to wear them again someday when my time comes but not until then. I switched to wearing sterling silver fashionable rings on different fingers.

I know this is just how I make sense of all of this and how it works in my case. I buried my husband with his wedding ring. People thought I was nuts because it's a pricy, heavy platinum band but I felt he needed to have it. It made me feel good that he had it.

imissdow

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2016, 05:16:53 AM »
I wore mine for about 7 months. Then I took it off and wore LHs ring on my right hand for a good 18-24 months. 5 years out and I've considered having them made into something I would wear again. My grandmother lost my grandfather when she was almost 60. She wore her ring untill she died. I remember seeing that some had there's made in to a pendant his ring was the outside hers was a heart inside. There is no right or wrong wear it as long as you like, however you like.

donswife

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2016, 06:38:12 AM »
this is such a personal decision so no right or wrong way
just do what you feel is right for you , I am sure you heart will lead you
you can always put it back on if it doesn't seem like the right time
I am almost two years out and still wear mine but only because I still feel married
and I am sure when the time comes for me I will know
My everything

MrsT85

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2016, 06:48:33 AM »
I had mine resized and switched them to the other hand at a handful of months out (I probably would have waited longer but I stupidly damaged my ring around then and needed to get it repaired so did it all at the same time) and have been wearing them there ever since - he's been gone about  3.5 years now.  As everyone else is saying there is no right or wrong timeline, it's so very personal - but my personal feelings on the matter remain that I intended to be his wife forever and wear his ring until the day I die.  The fact that he died doesn't change that, even if it means I don't necessarily wear it as a wedding ring anymore.

ETA - I remarried a couple months ago and luckily my new husband is very respectful of my grief and the ways I still choose to honor my Tim.  I now wear two full sets of wedding/engagement bands - the one on my right hand from Tim, and the ones now on my left hand from my new guy.  I did something similar with my last name - when I married Tim I happily dropped my maiden name and assumed his.  With new husband, I kept Tim's last name and added his with a hyphen.   
« Last Edit: September 21, 2016, 11:36:56 AM by MrsT85 »
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daysofelijah

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2016, 01:02:59 PM »
I wore mine for exactly a year and took them off on the anniversary of his death. I love the rings and will hopefully make them into something else one of these days. Totally depends on how you feel, not others expectations.
Amy, mom to four (14,13,9,5)

Catnip

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2016, 02:09:12 PM »
I still wear both my engagement ring and wedding band on my left hand as always, right where he put them. It’s been 9 years for me. My wedding band is engraved with his initials to me. It's his gift to me. I guess it’s a tribute to our 26 year marriage. I feel safe with them on.

At the funeral home, minutes before they closed the casket, the director asked me if I wanted his ring. I had never given it a thought. Before I could even respond, my three sons, ages 17, 20 and 22 all said “NO! You gave it to him and it’s his.” So I said, “Then I want to be buried with mine.” So he was buried with his wedding ring and I continue to wear mine.

I don’t see the difference of moving them to my right hand. Some countries have the right hand as the traditional way to wear them. Rather, I have added a widow ring to my two rings. It’s a black band that looks like an anniversary ring. I found it on line at www.expressionsofgrief.com.
You left and forgot to tell my heart how to live without you.

MrsDan

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #11 on: September 22, 2016, 03:47:16 PM »
I wore mine for three years. That was about when I started dating. I'd take them off for dates, but one time I forgot, and I really didn't want to do that with the guy you is now my boyfriend, because I really liked him. I tried the right hand thing for a bit, but they were pretty snug there. The funny thing is as long as it's been without them (almost a year), I can often still feel them.
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Justme2

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2016, 08:35:59 AM »
1 month. After that I felt a bit strange, like I was married to a deceased person. The ring to me was a symbol of being together. 7 years later, we are still together, but only in spirit. Everyone is different.

fuchsiasky

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2016, 02:04:44 AM »
Mine is a tattoo. It didn't take well the first time so I just had it redone for my first anniversary without him. That's at 11 months. If I meet another man that I love he can have another finger. I'll tattoo it for him. ☺
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Rayspumpkin

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Re: How long did you wear your wedding ring?
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2016, 12:21:29 PM »
I wore them daily for about 5 months...but I started feeling weird with having them on while being considered "single" so I put them away. They reappear every year on our wedding anniversary, and our dating anniversary; I'm almost 4 years out. Sometimes when I've had a particularly rough day, I put them on, drink some wine, and let myself lie down and imagine how things would be different if he were here. The rings have become a bit of a security thing for me...mostly they sit in my jewelry box, safe & sound after being widowed 3.5 years ago...but certain days...I need the comfort they bring. Luckily everyone in my life knows if they see the rings...I'm having a "Daniel day" and they've learned to be extra loving to me on those days. I rarely wear them outside my house though. It's all about what makes YOU feel better...and everyone else's opinions be damned. Your grief, your rules.