Author Topic: Day 13 and I don't want to get out of bed  (Read 1112 times)


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Day 13 and I don't want to get out of bed
« on: September 21, 2016, 03:23:16 PM »
I lost my husband 13 days ago.  We have 3 children, ages 17, 13 & 11.  They are the only reason I get out of bed each day (carpool, school pick up, sports).  Otherwise, I would just lay there.  I don't necessarily sleep although I do doze in and out.  I should go to yoga or to lunch with friends.  Shouldn't I?

I did manage to make it out of bed to my therapist's office today.


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Re: Day 13 and I don't want to get out of bed
« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2016, 06:07:33 PM »
Give yourself a break. At 14 days I was still at home, not back to working yet, not wanting to go out or really see anyone. Give yourself time to adjust. I did the same of getting up and getting reasonably dressed to get the kids around and about. I was lucky to have some PTA moms drop off dinner to us just during the weekdays until the school year ended so I could do as I needed as I adjusted. If you think you are ready to do yoga or go out with friends, definitely do that but don't jump to do it if you don't feel up to it. Hugs!

Coconut Head

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Re: Day 13 and I don't want to get out of bed
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2016, 11:29:18 AM »
I feel you completely. I have to pack my belongings, take a shower, feed the dogs, and figure out how to move all my furniture. Its almost 1 in the afternoon and I just cant move.

I keep asking him "What do I do?" . He isnt answering me. Sending you hugs.
I was his Coconut head and he was my Snuggle Bug.


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  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: Day 13 and I don't want to get out of bed
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2016, 06:39:28 AM »
In those early weeks I could often be found just staring at a wall curled up on the couch.  All of the essential things take tremendous energy and we all process things differently.  Be patient with yourself and give yourself credit for what you are getting done every day.  Yoga and lunch dates will come, the therapist appointment was more important.  Looking back to being in your shoes 3 years ago, my heart goes out to you.  I wish there was a magic short cut I could tell you about but unfortunately grief is messy and requires time.

Keep posting and reading here, it has been a lifesaver for me.
You will forever be my always.


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Re: Day 13 and I don't want to get out of bed
« Reply #4 on: October 02, 2016, 09:27:06 PM »
I am at week 10 and I am just now having days where I don't want to get out of bed and face reality.

The first 5 weeks I was totally numb and just going through the motions. (As you all know now, I had no choice but to go back to work and it's a MAJOR challenge every single day).

At week 6 I was still not sleeping and not able to eat much (I'd lost 26 lbs in those 6 weeks - not he best way to lose extra weight). It was determined that I had PTSD from the hospital taking me into the trauma room twice and having me stand, helpless, beside his bleeding body, then having me walk him to the OR that he would not come out of alive. (I WILL do something when I'm able to try to ensure that NOBODY ELSE is taking into a trauma room like that again)

At week 9 I began to sleep, but now I am having trouble getting up, trouble focussing, and just generally having trouble trying to give two shits about anything going on anywhere. I am at a place where I am wondering what exactly the point is. Without the strong support system around me, and here in this forum, I think I would have joined him several weeks ago.

I am trying every day, and I think that's all any of us can do. Get through the next minutes, the next half hour, the next hour, the morning, the afternoon, and try to repeat.

Just know you are not alone.
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same....and I choose strong!