Author Topic: 6 months today? Can't stop crying  (Read 1870 times)

beth_krkswidow

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6 months today? Can't stop crying
« on: November 25, 2016, 08:09:07 PM »
6 months today.  Guess I'm supposed to move into the next group. I can't stop crying.  I am so lost. I can't take this. I don't know what to do.  I just want him back. It's time for him to come back now. This is not working.
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

Adley

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2016, 08:46:12 PM »
Aw Beth. . . . .truthfully, there will always be times when it makes you cry. But they get fewer and further between. Don't know the timeline, it's different for everybody. But it will get more bearable. Seeing something good, no matter how small or unrelated, always helped me if I clung to and dwelt on it. It's hard when the current is so strong. But that's what its like to me, being swept down a raging river and every now and then being able to grab a snag just long enough to catch your breath.  And you get swept away again. But there will be another place to breathe. Catch it.
    Then you realize one day that you've been clinging to something good for a day or two and getting by pretty well before you are swept away again. I'm not sure if the current slows or the lifesavers get bigger, but eventually you get more breathing time. But its a struggle now, keep kicking your feet. Hugs and a floaty to you
Here's to my pretty young wife     sleepin amongst the stars           now they say what's hers is mine but I know what's ours is ours

Callobg

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #2 on: November 26, 2016, 02:28:39 AM »
Hang in there beth! Adley, great analogy!

Peace to you both.

With love.
Forever and always my wife, my friend, my lover, my everything.


Love you LSC.

LTSLforever

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #3 on: November 26, 2016, 03:48:12 AM »
Beth - I know that excruciating pain; I still live it every day (1 year for me).  There have been times when I feel a little better but I always relapse.  I read all of your posts and our feelings are similar.  I am currently going through a stage where I am withdrawing from everything and everyone (except for my feline kids).  It is definitely time for our loved ones to come back.  I wish I could help you but I  don't know how to live this life.

Soryashusband

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #4 on: November 26, 2016, 12:12:28 PM »
My 6 month mark for losing my wife is next week.This is the toughest thing I have ever dealt with. At the beginning I said I would give this 18 months and if things weren't better I would end it. But I had to give it an honest attempt. Sometimes just knowing I had the power to end it was the only thing that picked me up off the floor. I wish I could look you in the eye and tell you that we will get through this. It will get better.

beth_krkswidow

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #5 on: November 26, 2016, 04:59:22 PM »
I'm so thankful for this site. To know I'm not crazy. ..guess that's a good thing. THank you to all of you. Adley, perfect analogy. I agree,  Callobg. And to LTSL and Sory...Hugs. Just  hugs.
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

MR

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #6 on: November 28, 2016, 10:38:36 AM »
3 months and I still get emotional and want her back thinking enough of mind games. I don't see there will any day in my life when I will not cry but as everyone says it will get better with time so hoping for that.

beth_krkswidow

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #7 on: November 28, 2016, 08:39:24 PM »
Yes, the long termers say it gets "softer". I like that description.  Cannot imagine it getting "better".... but softer I can accept as a possibility.  We shall  see. We shall see
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

Portside

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #8 on: November 29, 2016, 10:10:42 AM »
Yes, the long termers say it gets "softer". I like that description.  Cannot imagine it getting "better".... but softer I can accept as a possibility.  We shall  see. We shall see

I want to stress that it truly gets better for many of us that are farther out. The reason you don't see many here with that experience is that we leave the site as it is not useful for us anymore.

Of course, that is not everyone's experience but it is far more common than you might imagine. While it may not seem possible right now, long term, it may be your experience as well.

Best wishes - Mike 
The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

Laura1612

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2016, 12:21:48 PM »
Thank you, Mike. We really need this.
May the Force be with you.

Ursula

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #10 on: December 07, 2016, 11:15:43 PM »
Oh dear, I hear you. I will be three years in this soon and I can tell you, I felt just like what you are describing for a very very long time. I still do sometimes. What I can say, and I remember very well how often I wished I was further along when someone else told me the same. The pain gets less acute, less breathtaking and the mind is able to open up a bit again, bit by bit.
Hang in there, keep swimming, cry and let it out. This board saved my life I think and I have come back after being away for a while and it feels like home.
Talk and cry and be gentle to yourselves. You grieve because you love. You are going through the unimaginable, but here , you are not alone. It has always helped me to know that. Because we feel so damn alone sometimes. And often all we need is a nudge from someone else, a smile , a hug ..it works, even if it is virtual.
hugs to all of you, and none of us should have to go through this.

Por que tu fuego a?n me quema, sin ti las noches son eternas,
tu aroma sigue aqu?, no me deja ir.. Por m?s que intente y quiera olvidarte, yo nunca lograre dejarte, cautivo de este amor sincero esclavo de tu voz.. Por que estoy am?ndote, so??ndose, aunque no est?s aqu?..
Y yo te esperare, amor aunque los a?os lleguen sin querer (Marc Anthony)

beth_krkswidow

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2016, 01:00:25 PM »
Thanks.  I needed to hear this, because I just feel as if I can't go on.  I can't take this.  It will be 7 months on Christmas day and I just can't take it.  It has not gotten any better.  I cannot believe it.  I still can't believe he's gone and I don't want to go on. 
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

widowwithbaby

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    • God's Provisions
Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #12 on: December 10, 2016, 10:10:21 PM »
Beth,
This is my first time on here but I got on because I feel the same as you. December 1 was 6 months for me. I'm not doing any better. This is the worst. I don't know how to survive the holidays. Both being around family and being alone are the worst. There seems like nowhere to turn for relief. How are we supposed to do this?  Hope 2017 is a better year?
He was killed in a failed carjacking in June 2017.
He was 38 years old.
Our baby girl was one year old and he loved us so well.

Soryashusband

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2016, 01:47:05 PM »
I shoveled for the first time this winter. I kept thinking how the last time I shoveled my wife was still alive and I had no idea what a nightmare my life would become. It's not that I'm lonely, it's that the one person on earth who I want to be with has been taken away.

Mizpah

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Re: 6 months today? Can't stop crying
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2016, 02:11:06 PM »
I want to stress that it truly gets better for many of us that are farther out. The reason you don't see many here with that experience is that we leave the site as it is not useful for us anymore.

Of course, that is not everyone's experience but it is far more common than you might imagine. While it may not seem possible right now, long term, it may be your experience as well.

Yes.  I don't come in as often to say it because when I was very early out, it upset me.  I didn't want to feel better, I didn't want it to get better, because I felt like relief from the suffering or time passing meant he was even further away, and I wanted to be closer to him.  I felt like acceptance and improvement for me was a betrayal, was giving my consent.  Everyone's timeline is different, and clearly some people have very deep pain for a very long time, but I agree with Portside.  For me, I felt like I was becoming myself again after about a year and a half and at about two years, I could recognize distinctly: I feel alive again.  (I can't recommend therapy and physical activity strongly enough.)
widowed 2011 (DH 28)