Author Topic: introduce yourself here  (Read 69892 times)


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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #330 on: September 25, 2017, 10:22:06 PM »
Hi, I'm Sara..just joined the group. It's been 3months next week and it just doesn't seem real. We met 14 yrs ago at work and were a perfect match. I was alone by our 9th yr wedding anniversary with our two beautiful children who are only 2 and 6. Hard to fathom being a single parent to raise them on my own now. He was the kind of guy that would tell you exactly what he thought without holding anything back but he would also make sure that each person he loved felt like family. We just bought the home of our dreams last year, the place we wanted to raise our young family in. This is same house he grew up in and the same place we had our first kiss several years before. It was fate we thought, that it just happened to be on the market when we couldnt find anything else that fit what we wanted. We were so quickly life can change.
    We were at his parents new home having a usual Sunday family dinner when he decided he wanted to take out their atv for a ride up the road. When we heard the sirens and then ambulance coming up the road we knew it wasn't heart sank, I knew it was for him. I drove up to the scene to find his body in a ditch. He had struck a telephone pole and died instantly at 35 yrs old. We had so many more memories to make. My heart is broken. I've had a hard time trying to deal with all the insurance and mess that needs to be taken care of on top of trying to find a new somewhat normalcy for me and my  babies.
   Someone told me I should look into this site to find others with similar situations. I have read  some threads and I can see that you will all help me with what I'm feeling just reading how others were able to cope


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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #331 on: September 25, 2017, 11:25:45 PM »
Sara, I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes it does feel unbelievable doesn't it. There are a lot of terrific people here that have helped me tremendously over the past four years. I hope you will find a bit of comfort and understanding here in this horrendous time for you and you children. Post as much as you want.
Hugs to you.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.


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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #332 on: September 26, 2017, 06:44:39 AM »
Thank you for reaching out to this site
It will help as I know it has helped me more then I could have ever expected

I am so sorry to hear about your husband and his accident
Please just try and take it day by day and be gentle to yourself
this is all a shock to you and your children

Take Care
My everything


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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #333 on: November 02, 2017, 09:19:42 PM »
lost my hm 10 years ago... happily remarried. but you never move on from the loss.... v


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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #334 on: November 02, 2017, 10:00:05 PM »
Welcome, vickik13,

They stay with us, don’t they?   I’m sure you have some wisdom to offer our board.

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness


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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #335 on: November 03, 2017, 10:37:18 AM »
Hi Sara,

I lost my husband of 23 years in an accident, too. He left to go duck hunting with several other guys on a dark, foggy October morning in 2012. Running late  and in a hurry to get to their duck blind, the boat driver struck a concrete channel marker in the Mississippi River. My husband was knocked unconscious  and drowned in three feet of water.

My kids were older, in their teens, but like you, the thought of suddenly becoming a solo parent was completely overwhelming. And dealing with all of the "business of death" issues was utterly brutal in the throes of grief.

I found the only way I could function was to just go literally one day at a time. I had no thoughts to the future at all, except survival. I did reach out very early on  to other widows and widowers further out than me who seemed to have found their way. That was one of the most beneficial things I could have done. I am still very grateful to those  who helped me and let me know the kids and I could survive this, because there was a period of time I truly thought I could not do it.

So here I am five years later. Still so surreal that this is my life. I am doing ok. The kids seem to be doing ok. I am in a relationship. Many really good things have happened to me  these past five years. I won't lie and say it has been easy. In fact, there has been some real heartache getting to this point. All three of my kids have had some sort of major life issue the past five years that I had to deal with on my own. I needed D so badly during those times. 

I feel like those 23 years with D was life A, and this is Life B. It is the hand I have been dealt and I am doing the best I can. I want to show my kids that we are going to make it, that life is still good and we need to try each day to to live the best life we can and find joy where we can. That has been my motivation and survival techinque.  I actually had depression issues on and off during my marriage, just the day to day life frustrations of dealing with kids, family, work, conflicts, pressures. Now, I wonder what the hell. I had such a charmed life. Talk about perspective!

Sara, I think you will find what works for you in healing.  It is different for everybody. I still have days where I want to fall to my knees and just quit, just be done. But I don't. I always hate when people say, " You are so strong. I couldn't do it"  Please, what choice do we have? We just bumble along and figure it out, and hopefully make good choices once the fog clears a bit.