Socializing > Relationships/Remarriage

Well, this sucks.

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Mizpah I'm sorry your going through this too! Though it is good to hear I'm not alone in this kind of situation. It's such an extremely hard position to be in. I totally get how you feel you are at a stalemate, lose/lose position.

He got his heart tore out, crushed, and stomped on by his cheating wife and now he's so damaged he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to completely trust again. And it doesn't help that two couples we know closely have marriages that are being affected by affairs right now. It's just driving him further into his cave.

This is a good thread for me to read, as I'm probably closer in feeling to your boyfriend within my own relationship. I'm totally committed to bf emotionally and physically, but uninterested in marriage. It's been 2 1/2 years and I love where we are, am perfectly content. He's made it very clear he wants to get married- he's an over 50 bachelor so I honestly didn't think this would ever be a problem I'd have to face. I'm beginning to understand why men get married when their girlfriends give them ultimatums- even though I'm not interested/ready, I'd do it to make him happy, especially since he's never been married. For now, knowing how I feel, he tells me I am the one who will have to do the proposing. He makes 'when we're married...' kinda statements- always in a light-hearted manner, but how long can a person be patient? You ladies are making me think I need to figure things out sooner rather than later...(yikes!) Thank you all for the food for thought.

I feel for you, because I went through this, not with my boyfriend, but with Dan. He just plain didn't want to get married, and to be perfectly honest, I kind of had to push him into moving in together. And it hurt. I knew he loved me, but then if he loved me, why didn't he want to take that step. I think it came down to the fact that his parents' marriage was very rough for a time, and my parents was for the most part pretty good. His fought all the time, mine maybe a couple times a year. My boyfriend's parents are divorced, and I worry about that impacting his thoughts on marriage. And I'm not even sure where I stand on marriage. He's never been married. It's funny, we've talked vaguely about "the future", but not marriage or living together, although we have talked about the possibility of more kids, and we've worked on cultivating relationships with each other's kids. It's possible I may find myself in that situation again, and I remember how hard it was.

My first thought when reading this was that the holidays are hard when you've been through all different kinds of difficulties; they just have a way of dredging up shit. And then you mentioned seasonal affective issues. You know I think it's possible he's feeling particularly emotionally vulnerable at this moment and anything that involves making decisions that are so weighty might just be too overwhelming right now. That, plus the fact that he's going through a medication adjustment make me think that maybe this isn't the best time to be making these decisions right now. Maybe it's best to give it a few months and see where things stand. Although, at that time it may also be worth examining whether this kind of withdrawal is something he can work through or if it' something that's just going to keep recurring, and if that is something you can live with.


Big hugs! This situation would be hard anytime of the year, but Christmas.  Ugghh......   No words of wisdom, just support.  I could be in your shoes tomorrow, so I appreciate you sharing, though it is a difficult share.  Warm thoughts and prayers your way to work out the holidays as best as you can and find a working solution to this sooner than later. 

Thanks everyone. He asked me to come over last night and we spent some time together. It's definitely depression because the stuff he is saying isn't even really making sense as far as why he is so sad. He thinks he's a failure, etc. Nothing even to do with "us" really.

So for now I guess I just support him and be patient. I'm willing to do that and give him some time to feel better, not indefinite, but for now I can. I guess it's just another bump in the road.


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