Author Topic: Last Christmas, Never Would have guessed I'd be at his grave this Chirstmas  (Read 533 times)

beth_krkswidow

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Never in a million years, would I have ever guessed, last Christmas, that I would be visiting his grave this Christmas.  I still can't believe it.
I actually visited his grave twice today.  I had to.  I just had to be "with" him.  Not that it helps, but I still just can't believe it. 
7 months today, Christmas Day.  You'd think after 7 months that I would believe it.  That it would have sunk in.  But it hasn't.  It just hasn't.
Everyone said the holidays are the worst.  They aren't lying.
I miss My Honey.  I hate this life without him.  I  just hate it. 
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

geminigirl

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I just want to let you know that you're not alone. I'm at 7 1/2 months and Christmas was terrible for me also. I've never felt so alone in my life. At least it's over now. Hugs to you.

Eddienhp

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  • Cancer Widow November 2011
Took me a while to actually believe it even though my husband had stage iv cancer. I still don't believe I was left with a 2 and 5 year old at the time he passed. I remember at his memorial there was another young widow who lost her husband to a drug overdose. She said, can you imagine at our age we would both be widowed. I was floored just thinking about it.

At five years, sometimes I still don't believe it. Sometimes I don't want to believe it. I know it though and I never forget it.

Sending you hugs,
Eileen
My life is better because you were in it. You encouraged me to stretch my wings. I will forever be grateful. Rest in Peace Babe. Till we meet again.

mbanyard

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Right here with you Beth, though we don't yet have the closure of a memorial to visit (It started snowing early here in Canada this year, and it messed everything up...well, worse then it already was).

I cannot believe he is gone, that I am here, and THIS is my new reality. If I have to go through another Christmas season I might crack, as yesterday was the lowest I ever been in my entire life. (The day he died I went into a numb autopilot, where I stayed for 3 months).

People are also so very cruel. I just cannot imagine what is wrong with people when they wish a new widow a very happy "Merry Christmas." Makes me want to punch them all in the face.

In any event, my dear, you are not alone. I am just a miserable as you are and will keep you company for some time yet!

MB
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same....and I choose strong!

beth_krkswidow

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Thank you Geminigirl, Eileen, and MB.  It is comforting to know I am not alone; though horrible to think any of us are here.

yes, numb autopilot is a perfect description.

And, MB, your quote: "People are also so very cruel. I just cannot imagine what is wrong with people when they wish a new widow a very happy "Merry Christmas." Makes me want to punch them all in the face." ... Couldn't agree with you more.  I just can't figure out what they think!

Sending hugs to you all, though it doesn't help, don't know what else to do...
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...