Author Topic: How do you know when you are ready?  (Read 939 times)

fuchsiasky

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How do you know when you are ready?
« on: December 29, 2016, 09:00:50 PM »
I want to be ready to date.  I miss being with someone so much. But I don't know if I'm ready.  I'm so scared to let someone close.  My last guy died.  And I miss rob so much.  I don't know if it would be fair to a new guy.  I've gone on a couple dating sites and got swarmed by guys all wanting sex.  It was overwhelming and I left pretty quick. 

I just looked at one for single parents and found a guy.  He has pictures of his daughters doing his nail polish.  Rob always let our daughter do that.  I burst into tears.  Because I want to message him.  But I'm so scared to.  And what if I only like him cause he is like rob. 

I don't know. 

I do know I'm lonely and want someone.  My cuddle pillow, cats and kid are not enough. 
I love you, I love you, I love you!  Forever and always I love you!

Portside

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Re: How do you know when you are ready?
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2016, 10:05:55 PM »
Good question. It's probably different for each of us.

I felt I was ready when it didn't bother me that I was alone.

Take the plunge and see what happens - someone has to be the first. If you aren't ready, believe me, you'll know.

Good luck - Mike
The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

wecouldbeheros

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Re: How do you know when you are ready?
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2016, 11:12:20 PM »
Having the courage to take the first chance is a milestone. He sounds like a nice man. Do it .

Trying

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Re: How do you know when you are ready?
« Reply #3 on: December 30, 2016, 07:44:20 AM »
I agree that the only way younwill know if you are ready is to try.  If it's not the right time for you it will be clear, no harm no foul. 
You will forever be my always.

arneal

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Re: How do you know when you are ready?
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2017, 12:53:40 PM »
Mike - I love what you said right there ...
Quote
I felt I was ready when it didn't bother me that I was alone.

That sums it up so well. Trying, your point is well-made about having courage to take a chance ... I think those of us who had a desire did just that in one way or another.

Fuch -- be gentle with yourself. Spend time going through the boards here to see the wonderful, weird, and crazy stuff a bunch of us have been through (it's okay to laugh about some of the near-disasters, especially in the online dating laughs list -- we all do!). It's like the scripture says, to be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove: pay attention and beware of the trolls while having an open heart to the possibilities. Bravery is a must because there are so few ways to know if you've made the 'right' step. And if you discover you haven't, bravery is needed to dust yourself off and move forward.

Don't let loneliness guide what you do -- that's the trap I fell into in the early days after my LH died and it taught me a lot. This journey will toughen you up, that's for sure, but again the best thing to do is to be good to yourself!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

mbanyard

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Re: How do you know when you are ready?
« Reply #5 on: January 09, 2017, 10:26:19 PM »
Good question...wish I also knew the answer.

I feel ready, as I'm comfortable in my aloneness.  My issue is that I've never actually dated...like ever. I met my DH when I was in high school and we were together for 25 years.

I don't know how to date, I know nothing about dating sites, and I work a lot so the "bar scene" is really not my bag.

Ugh.....I HATE that this is even necessary, but I also HATE the idea of being alone for half my life.

Frig! As if I need anything else to deal with.
MB
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same....and I choose strong!

RyanAmysMom

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Re: How do you know when you are ready?
« Reply #6 on: January 09, 2017, 10:37:45 PM »
Oh, MB, I so relate to your experience!  DH and I both lived with our parents until we were married at 24 - He "lived" a little, but I just turned 45 and have never been to a bar, club, or on a date other than with high school boyfriends. 

I, too, don't even know where to start - I mentioned yesterday that I created a profile on "Match" and was browsing a bit, until I found a picture of my daughter's piano teacher's husband - I deleted that profile so fast......  Ugh......

serpico

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Re: How do you know when you are ready?
« Reply #7 on: January 09, 2017, 10:38:59 PM »
I'm not sure how a person knows. I thought I was ready when I started to date, but in retrospect I wasn't, and I made some mistakes. I then picked my bruised ego off the ground, did some hard thinking, and eventually got back out there.

I say if you think you may be ready why not give it a shot?  You may get (figuratively) bruised a little, but I'm sure you've got the strength to recover and give it another go.
'I think I got some of your pickle'

arneal

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Re: How do you know when you are ready?
« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2017, 11:13:05 PM »
mbanyard -- I hear that! I was a young and super-stupid virgin when I met the first husband in college. I went out with my second husband but we met at work so it wasn't like I dated. This whole thing has been weird with the online thing but I would say that technically I haven't dated much. The first guy I talked to online was a troll and I never met him in person. I messaged a few other guys but didn't meet them either. I met NG and that was it. We started going out and haven't stopped. Dating is just ... weird.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b